Faith

A question to wrestle with

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In thousands of homes across Canada, tiny Gideon Bibles gather dust on shelves or are hidden away in boxes and drawers. Gideons International is an evangelical Christian organization dedicated to distributing free copies of the Bible in over 94 languages and 194 countries of the world. Gideon Bibles can be found in hotel rooms, hospitals, nursing homes and prisons around the world. In addition, they are given to members of the military of various countries and in some places they are distributed to college and university students, health care workers, fire fighters, and police officers.

In 1946, Canadian Gideons began presenting New Testaments to all grade 5 students in Canada whose parents consented. The little Bibles that the children receive also include the Old Testament Hebrew books of Psalms and Proverbs. Why have so many people kept these little testaments? What is it about them that has caused people who never read the Bible or attend church to keep theirs and to still have it decades after they’ve grown up? Is it because it was received as a free gift, is it simply because it’s a souvenir of childhood or do they somehow sense that there is power in the Word of God? Like so many others, I still have mine. I received it on April 10, 1963. Even during my most rebellious years when I turned my back on God and the church, I kept my little maroon Bible.

In recent years, the practice of distributing Gideon Bibles in schools has stirred up quite a tempest with critics saying that it isn’t appropriate for public schools in a multicultural society to distribute religious material. At this point, the decision whether or not to allow the practice to continue has been left up to individual school boards. Yesterday, two representatives of the nearest Gideons chapter visited our church to share about their ministry and to update us on what’s happening in our jurisdiction. For the first time since 1946, the Gideons have not been allowed to hand out Bibles in our schools this year and a final decision regarding the future is in the hands of the superintendent of schools. We were urged to pray that they be allowed to resume distribution and to write letters to the superintendent urging him to decide in their favour. Many, including my husband, are praying to that end but I’m not ready to jump on that bandwagon without considering all the implications. I believe that the Bible is the inspired Word of God and that it is useful for teaching, correcting and equipping us for every good work (2 Timothy 3:16-17) but I’ve been wrestling with whether or not it should be distributed in our schools.

When I posed the question on Facebook yesterday, one acquaintance responded that the practice should be allowed to continue because it’s been a long-standing tradition in our schools. For me, that’s not good enough. Just because we’ve always done something isn’t enough reason to continue doing it. As a teacher, I welcomed the Gideons into my classroom and witnessed first hand the excitement of the children as they received their Bibles but I also know that the door that allowed the Gideons in was also open to every other religious organization. Just because they haven’t taken advantage of that opportunity yet doesn’t mean that they won’t. It may not be politically correct to say so, but I don’t want the Koran or the Hindu, Bahai or Wiccan sacred texts being distributed in our schools.

Canada was built on Christian principles but the cultural and religious fabric of our nation has changed. We’ve opened our hearts and our borders to the world but in our haste to embrace tolerance, we’ve allowed changes that we might not have anticipated. We have polygamous marriages and honour killings now. I know they’re not endorsed by law but we ought not to close our eyes and pretend that they aren’t here. Muslim girls can wear the hijab in Canadian schools and the right of a young Sikh student to wear his kirpan, the ceremonial dagger of his faith, at school went to the Supreme Court of Canada. After years of wrangling, in March of 2006 the court ruled 8-0 that a total ban of the kirpan in schools violated the Charter of Rights because it would infringe on the Charter’s guarantee of religious freedom. So, is it really a stretch to think that other religions might want to introduce their writings to our students? I don’t think so.

On the other hand, the latest figures from Statistics Canada show that 77% of the population still claims to be Christian. These numbers are down significantly from 1951 when 96% of Canadians identified themselves as either Catholic or Protestant but 77% is still a clear majority and ours is still a democratic country. Perhaps we shouldn’t be allowing the other 23% to silence us.

What do you think? 

It would take more than a broken toe to stop me!

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Our time by the ocean was over way too soon! I took the second photo just before my final plunge into the surf. Unfortunately, my left foot hasn’t looked the same since. Instead, it’s been an ever-changing kaleidoscope of black, blue and purple!

The tide was out further than it had been during our previous swims and unbeknownst to us, there were rocky outcroppings lurking beneath the water’s surface. While battling the waves on my way into the water, I jammed the toes of my left foot on one of them injuring again the same toe that I’d broken many years earlier. Thankfully, I’d packed some extra strength Ibuprofen gel caps in case I ended up with a migraine while we were away. I took one of those, prayed over my foot and determined that it wasn’t going to stop me from enjoying the more strenuous activities of hiking and zip lining that we had planned for the next few days. After all, I’d hiked to Delicate Arch in Utah’s Arches National Park on the same toe the last time I’d broken it!

Sometimes God must look down on my foolishness and decide to bless me anyway! In spite of the nasty colours that my foot was turning, I did indeed have three active days with nothing more than minor discomfort and I accomplished all that we had planned. It wasn’t until the trip home that the foot started to swell and became much more painful. I’m sure that the many hours we spent standing in line ups at airports and sitting on airplanes didn’t help. As I’ve mentioned before, the trip home was a long and grueling one including a 24 hour delay at Houston. By the time we returned to the enormous airport the second day, I’d had all the walking I could handle. We borrowed a wheelchair and Richard wheeled me around. When it was time to board the plane, an agent wheeled me down the ramp and we were the first onboard!

I spent our first morning home at the hospital waiting to see my doctor and having x-rays taken. He’s pretty sure that there’s a hairline crack in one of the tiny bones but we’re waiting for the radiologist’s report to confirm that. In any case, there’s not a lot to be done except to wait for healing to take place. In the meantime, I’m supposed to wear hard soled shoes all the time (I hate wearing shoes in the house!) and I’ll have to adapt my exercise program to accommodate. I guess there won’t be any long walks or time spent on the treadmill for awhile!

Alzheimer’s is robbing me of my mother

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I originally started this blog to chronicle our travels when we moved to Japan to teach English for a year. For the past several years, our family has also been on a journey of a very different kind as we’ve watched my mother gradually spiral downward and disappear into the depths of Alzheimer’s disease but I haven’t felt at liberty to blog about it until now. Until recently, my father, who is a very private person and also Mom’s primary caregiver, has been one of my most faithful readers. Out of respect for him, I didn’t share our journey publicly but now that his very old computer has died and he’s discontinued his internet service, I feel free to write about it.

I still remember the summer visit several years ago when I first had an inkling that something was wrong. I mentioned one of Mom’s grandchildren and she had no idea who I was talking about. Her question, “Who’s Jessica?” was for me one of those life changing moments when my entire world seemed to shift on its axis. I lay awake at night wondering what the future would hold and experiencing for the first time a deep sense of anxiety that has become more and more familiar to me.

Over the ensuing years, the mother that I grew up with has disappeared and parent has gradually become child. It has been a fairly slow decline. Many times, Mom would seem to slip very noticeably and then plateau for a time giving us a chance to get used to the changes before more drastic ones surfaced. Unfortunately, Dad seemed to be in denial for the longest time making it impossible for us to discuss the situation with him or to be of much help. It’s only in the last year that Mom’s condition has been clearly identified as Alzheimer’s disease and that we’ve been able to talk about it openly. The situation is made worse by the fact that my sister, my younger brother and I live in Alberta while Mom and Dad are here in Vancouver. Only our older brother, mentally handicapped and himself living in care, and our oldest son Matthew are here at the coast. We really can’t saddle Matthew, in his second year of a law career, renovating a house and parenting two very young children with the responsibility of watching out for his elderly grandparents. He and Robin visit as often as they can and do their best to keep us informed of any changes or problems that they notice.

The blessing in all of this, if there is such a thing, is the fact that Mom’s decline didn’t begin until she was over 80. Dad retired at 59 and they spent the next two decades following their dreams and travelling the world. They visited over 60 countries spending more than a year in Europe and 9 months in Australia. (I come by my gypsy blood honestly!) They took their last big trip 8 years ago when they flew to the Dominican Republic to celebrate their 55th wedding anniversary.

For the past few years, it’s been a chore to get Mom to leave their apartment. Now, at 89 years old, she is incontinent, legally blind and confined to a wheelchair. Though these infirmities are fairly recent developments, in Mom’s mind she’s suffered from them for most of her life and she’s constantly coming up with fanciful explanations that are in no way grounded in reality. Last night she told us that people are trying to poison her with peanut butter which has always been a favourite of hers! Sometimes all we can do is laugh. It’s either that or cry. She’s clearly in the sixth of the seven clinical stages of Alzheimer’s and needs constant care and supervision.

After 63 years of marriage, Dad refuses to allow them to be separated and insists on caring for her himself. He’s clearly wearing out and we don’t know how much longer he’ll be able to keep this up but he’s of sound mind and has the right to live life the way he chooses. There are those who suggest that we, as a family, should try to force him to put Mom into care but we are firm believers in the fifth commandment and we know of no other way to honour our parents than to allow them to live out their final years the way they want to while being as supportive as we can given our own circumstances.

This, of course, means more frequent visits. This is our third trip to Vancouver this year and each of my siblings has also been here. When we’re here, we thoroughly clean the apartment, a job that Dad has a hard time keeping up with these days, and try to provide opportunities for him to get out and have a break. This week, he even went on a forest adventure with great grandson, Sam!

Having Matt, Robin, Sam and little Nate here in Vancouver is indeed a blessing at this time in our lives. Visits to Vancouver would be much more difficult if we didn’t have them to stay with some of the time and, of course, grandchildren provide such wonderful stress relief!

Mom with her youngest great grandchild, Nate, in March 2011

Focus, Confidence, Hi-Ya!

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Wikipedia defines writer’s block as a condition in which an author loses the ability to produce new work. The writer may be greatly distracted and feel he or she may have something that needs to be done beforehand, it goes on to explain.

That would be exactly why I haven’t blogged much lately! Not only have I been busy with all the usual Christmas preparations… shopping, wrapping, baking, and decorating… but I took on a bit too much at the church finding myself responsible for three events in a ten day period! Individually, none of them was too much to handle but three coming in such a short period of time at an already busy time of year created a lot of stress. When I flipped the calendar page over to December, I suddenly found myself waking up at odd hours and lying in bed worrying about details that still needed to be taken care of. More than once, I was at the kitchen table writing lists at 3:30 in the morning! As is so often the case, things looked much better in the light of day. Others stepped in to help and everything went without a hitch. Now I’m free to relax and enjoy the Christmas season.

One of the best things about Christmas is time with family. That started this week with a pre Christmas trip to Calgary to visit our daughter, Melaina, her husband, Aaron, and our grandchildren, Drew and Jami-Lee. On our way home today, we stopped in Red Deer for lunch with Richard’s sister, Sue, and some of her family. As her five-year-old grandson, Kale, told us about his tae kwon do lessons and pantomimed breaking a board, he repeated the mantra Focus, Confidence, Hi-Ya!

I couldn’t help thinking that that’s how I should approach life’s challenges! I’d add one crucial element, however. So, in the coming year, instead of lying awake and worrying when life gets stressful I plan to face my challenges with

Focus, Prayer, Confidence and a mighty Hi-Ya!

Thanks, Kale!

Bethlehem Walk

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We went to Bethlehem today without ever leaving Alberta! West Edmonton Christian Assembly, just off Anthony Henday Drive on the western outskirts of the city, is hosting its second annual Bethlehem Walk and it was well worth the four hours of driving to get there and back. 81 000 square feet of indoor space have been converted into the streets and shops of ancient Bethlehem. More than 450 volunteers dressed in period costumes add authenticity to the scene.

We started with the shepherds in the fields outside Bethlehem where angels high above our heads sang out the good news of the Messiah’s birth. Inside the gates, the streets of Bethlehem were crowded just as they were on that first Christmas some 2000 years ago. Wandering from shop to shop, we enjoyed the sights, sounds, tastes and smells of the busy town. We sampled dates, honey, buns and tea; smelled frankincense, soap and spices; watched the potter kneading clay and saw wheat being ground into flour and olives being pressed for oil.

   

I lingered longest in the stable behind the Bethlehem Inn. There, amidst the pens of goats, sheep, donkeys and oxen… yes, live goats, sheep, donkeys and oxen… we found Mary, Joseph and the wee baby Jesus. When we arrived, he was sound asleep in the manger. I was especially moved by the little golden haired girl who stood in wonder and repeatedly asked, “Is he real?” Yes, sweetheart, He is real! I thought as I remembered the line from my favourite Christmas song…

Mighty God and fragile baby, here a lowly manger holds.
And it’s still the greatest story ever told.

This, I thought, is what Christmas is really all about and I stayed until the baby woke.

Moving on, we passed the blacksmith making nails and, finally, the cross maker chiselling and forming crosses to be used by the oppressive Roman authorities to execute criminals on; not by choice, he hastened to tell us, but because the Romans had conscripted him to do so. Locating the blacksmith and the cross maker immediately following the stable was clearly the result of careful planning and was very effective. After all, what is Christmas without Easter? the manger without the cross?

 

What influences your sense of self-worth?

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This post has been brewing for awhile. In fact, I started it once, discarded it and now I’m starting it again. Richard and I are doing a weekly Bible study with two other couples using Charles F. Stanley’s How to Reach Your Full Potential for God. One of last week’s questions resulted in some serious self examination.

What influences your sense of self-worth?

The study guide offered the following list of possible responses:

  • ___  entertainment
  • ___  relationships
  • ___  education
  • ___  hobbies
  • ___  goals
  • ___  possessions
  • ___  employment
  • ___  appearance
  • ___  service
  • ___  God
  • ___  other: ______________

I don’t have a problem with low self-esteem. In fact, I feel pretty darn good about myself. Many factors on this list contribute to that: healthy, affirming relationships; hobbies like writing and drama; and of course, my relationship with God, to name just a few.

At the bottom of the list, my “other” is my children. I am so proud of the fine young adults that they’ve become and it irks me when people say “You’re so lucky that your kids turned out so well”. I have news for you, folks! It isn’t luck! Parenting well is hard work. I know that there are no guarantees and even some of the best parents have troubled kids but I believe that I (we) did a great job and yes, knowing that definitely adds to my feelings of self-worth.

So why is it that something as superficial as appearance influences my sense of self-worth so strongly? The next question in the study guide asked “In what areas of life are you most likely to compare yourself to others?” and I had to admit to myself that for me it was appearance. I know that this is true of women in general but why? This question has led to a lot of soul searching on my part.

Donloree onstage

One of my favourite bloggers is figure competitor, Donloree Hoffman of Bikini or Bust. As I’ve followed her blog for the past year, I’ve come to the conclusion that I, too, am a figure competitor. Oh, I’ll never stand onstage in a spray tan and a bespangled bikini (too many stretch marks and scars from multiple abdominal surgeries make that an impossibility) but I compete with other women all the time. I’ve come to the realization that it’s not my hair, my make-up or my clothes that I look at when I’m comparing myself to others; it’s my body, my physique. I don’t look at a healthy, fit looking woman and think ‘I wish I looked like her’. In fact, I can truly appreciate and admire a well toned body. No, it’s the overweight, out of shape women that make me feel like a winner! How pathetic is that? I’m absolutely certain that this attitude doesn’t please my God, the one who created each one of us and who loves us just the way we are.

Twiggy

But why do I feel this way? I think there are many reasons. Our culture, of course, teaches young girls and women to value physical beauty above even good health. I grew up in the age of Twiggy, the emaciated looking fashion model of the 1960s. She became an instant sensation and suddenly, skinny was beautiful. In those days, my mom was overweight. She wasn’t obese but she definitely carried a few more pounds than she should have. “Just wait until you’ve had babies,” she’d tell me. “You’ll look like this too.” No, never, I vowed to myself! My father, who exercised regularly, often gave her a hard time about her weight. Is it any wonder that I grew up thinking that thin equalled beautiful? Then came marriage to a porn addict. Obviously I had to compete physically, or at least that’s what I told myself. Those are all things of the distant past now, but clearly they had a profound impact and helped shape who I am today.

So, what does all this soul searching and self-evaluation mean? Am I going to stop striving toward a better physical body? Absolutely not! There are many very good reasons to continue eating clean and exercising regularly. I believe that I am “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14). God has blessed me with a healthy body and I plan to do the best I can to keep it that way. I hope to live for another 30 years or more and I want them to be good years filled with action and adventure. Staying physically fit has so many benefits. No, that’s not something I’m about to change. I feel good and I like what I see in the mirror!  What I do hope to change is my attitude. From now on, I want to look at other women, even those who are obese and those who haven’t taken care of themselves, with compassion. I want to see the beauty that God sees in them and I don’t want my sense of self-worth to depend on them any longer.

So, now that I’ve bared my soul, let me ask what influences your sense of self-worth?

35 years!

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October 2, 1976

Today is our 35th wedding anniversary! 35! Wow! That’s a big number. How is it possible that that many years have passed by? Are we really old enough to have been married that long?

Apparently we are. All we have to do is look at our kids, all successful young adults, all of them now older than we were when we got married, to realize that yes, indeed, the time has flown.

35 years! Wow! Years of heartache, years of joy, years of work and now, years of play! We didn’t plan anything special for today but Richard’s card to me says Let’s do a winter holiday! That’s going to be our anniversary celebration and gift to one another. We haven’t decided where to go or exactly when but it will be somewhere warm with palm trees and sandy beaches and it will happen when the snow is deep on the ground here at home.

So do I have any words of wisdom about what it takes to keep a marriage going for 35 years? Not really. I do know that sometimes it’s hard work and I also know that having the Lord at the centre of our lives has been the cement that has kept us going and growing together.

When we were in Japan in February, our Valentine’s celebration included a beautiful marriage dinner at Hope Church. Each couple was given a laminated copy of twelve great marriage quotes that Pastor Steve had put together. When we were back in August, we saw them hanging in some of our friend’s homes. Ours has a permanent spot on the front of our fridge. I think they’re well worth sharing.

Great Marriage Quotes

  1. The more you invest in your marriage, the more valuable it becomes.
  2. Marriage is more than finding the right person. It is being the right person.
  3. In marriage, each partner is to be an encourager rather than a critic, a forgiver rather than a collector of hurts, an enabler rather than a reformer.
  4. Happy marriages begin when we marry the one we love, and they blossom when we love the one we marry. In other words, choose your love and love your choice.
  5. When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece.
  6. A good marriage is the union of two good forgivers.
  7. Ultimately the bond of all companionship is communication.
  8. Be the president of each other’s fan clubs.
  9. What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with your incompatibility.
  10. The first duty of love is to listen.
  11. When it comes to your marriage, if the grass looks greener somewhere else, it’s time to water your own yard.
  12. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through all circumstances.  1 Corinthians 3:7

What can I say?

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My heart is heavy today.

In July of 1982, our four-year-old daughter was diagnosed with leukemia. Initially, she responded well to the treatments and the disease was soon in remission. It didn’t last. On Oct. 5, my 30th birthday, we were told that she had relapsed. That led to an eight week stay in the children’s cancer ward at the University Hospital in Edmonton. Shortly after we arrived, I met another young couple from Sedgewick in the hospital corridor. Robie was a former student of mine and I knew her husband, Perry, vaguely. They were carrying their infant son, Brett, who was covered in bruises, a common symptom of leukemia. I still remember the horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach when I realized that another child from our tiny town was suffering from the same terrible disease.

The next year was a long and difficult one for both our families. Early in June, Robie and Perry lost their beloved Brett just short of his second birthday. Our Janina followed three months later. Richard and I had three-year-old, Matthew, and our brand new daughter, Melaina, to keep us from completely falling to pieces but Robie and Perry’s arms were empty.

The following year joy revisited both families. On July 10, the day that would have been Janina’s sixth birthday, Robie gave birth to Brendyn Brett and exactly two weeks later, we were blessed by the birth of our adopted son, Nathan. Our boys were dedicated to the Lord in the same Sunday morning service with our pastor and Robie’s father, a retired United Church minister, both participating in the ceremony. Over the next few years, two more sons were added to Robie and Perry’s family. As time went by, our paths went in different directions and we didn’t maintain a close relationship but the bond of common loss remained.

Late the night before last, less than three weeks after the birth of his first child, Greyson Brett, 27-year-old Brendyn died in a tragic accident.

What can I say?

Losing a child is every parent’s worse nightmare. Losing a second one, unimaginable. As a child, our Matthew was severely asthmatic and medications weren’t what they are today. In the early days after his sister’s death, he was often very sick. I remember standing at his sister’s graveside railing at God and pleading that I would not have to put another of my children in the ground. I cannot begin to imagine the anguish that Robie and Perry are experiencing today.

What can I say? 

Today my Facebook status says “I can’t explain why God lets bad things happen but when hearts are hurting and life doesn’t make any sense, I still believe that there’s no road too difficult when we walk by His side.”

What more can I possibly say?

Beautiful feet

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“How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!”   Romans 10:15

This is the verse our pastor used this morning as he commissioned us to carry the gospel to the people of Saipan. He then proceeded to tell us that we have beautiful feet and I know he wasn’t referring to the fact that I was wearing my bright red shoes!

Over the past few days, we’ve been asked many times “Are you excited?” Of course, we are! Once again we’re stepping way outside our comfort zone but we’re doing it with peace and confidence knowing that this is God’s direction for us and that we go with the prayers of many behind us. As our pastor pointed out, each one who gathered around and prayed for us this morning and many others who weren’t able to be present are part of the mission that we’re going on. Ours may be the feet that go but theirs are the hands that hold us up.

We’ll be taking these beautiful feet to bed soon. We’re tucked into our hotel room across the highway from the airport and have a wake up call scheduled for 3:40 a.m. The airport shuttle will pick us up 45 minutes later and some 28 hours after that, our feet will step onto the island of Saipan.

Amazing connections

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When Richard’s cousin learned that we were going to Saipan, she sent us a note along with an insert from her church bulletin that told of another Alberta couple who are also going to Saipan on a short term missions assignment this summer! Rod and Beth were missionaries with Far East Broadcasting on Saipan from 1995 to 2002 and are returning for the summer to help with the decommissioning of the FEBC station there. The short wave transmitters, which are no longer needed there, will be shipped to the Philippines.

I was somewhat surprised to hear that we wouldn’t be the only Albertan missionaries on Saipan this summer but didn’t give it a lot of thought until a friend from church mentioned that her husband’s second cousin and his wife were also going to Saipan as short term missionaries this summer! Could there actually be three couples from Alberta going to the same tiny island? No. As it turns out, Doris’ husband is related to Rod and Beth!

Doris gave Rod our email address. We’ve been corresponding and have discovered yet another connection. When he and Beth left the island in 2002 they sold their car to the missionary couple that we’ll be filling in for! It’s a tiny island but it has a population of over 60 000 people so what are the chances of that?

What do all these amazing connections mean? Are they simply coincidences or are they part of a bigger picture that only God can see? I don’t know. In fact, I may never know but I do know that my God can orchestrate amazing things. Pondering the possibilities is quite delightful.