Brave or resilient?

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As a cancer patient, I’ve often been told that I’m brave. I know that people mean well, but that descriptor has never sat very well with me. To me, brave is the firefighter who enters a burning building to save lives or the person who jumps into deep water to rescue someone in danger of drowning. Bravery is defined as the mental strength to face danger, fear, or difficulty. It’s often impulsive or heroic. That doesn’t describe me or my thirteen year journey with neuroendocrine cancer.

Recently, a person whose opinion I value highly told me, “You’re so resilient!” and that word rang true to me. Resilience is a long-term process best described as the ability to endure, adapt, and survive adversity and recover from difficult experiences.

Those who know me well know that I’m a self-professed word nerd. Words matter to me. For more than a decade, the word stable, as in “no evidence of new or progressive disease” which was the final line on my latest CT scan report, has been a favourite word of mine. Now resilient has become another favourite!

So, how does a person build resilience? Becoming resilient is a lifelong process, not a one-time event. Life is rarely easy for anyone. Most of us experience a variety of difficult and upsetting events and circumstances over our lifetimes and I’m certainly no exception. Long before I was diagnosed with cancer, I endured a series of other tragedies and traumas, including the loss of a preschool daughter to leukemia. In each case, I chose to keep putting one foot in front of the other and living life to the fullest extent possible. That wasn’t easy, it wasn’t brave, and I couldn’t have done it alone, but it did help prepare me for life with an incurable cancer. I learned to accept circumstances that I couldn’t change and I also learned to depend on the God who loves me and who promised to take care of me.

In 2 Corinthians 4:8–9, the apostle Paul, who suffered many hardships, wrote “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” That’s resilience!

What is self-care?

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This is a post that’s been rattling around in my head since I spoke at the ladies retreat at our church in April. I mentioned self-care in my afternoon talk that day, but I wanted to develop the idea more fully here.

First of all, I want to be very clear about what self-care isn’t. Self-care is not selfish! In fact, it’s essential. It helps us stay strong and healthy physically, mentally, and emotionally so that we’re able to handle the stresses of daily life and be there for others.

Self-care needs to be intentional. It’s much more than just a bubble bath or even a one-time spa escape, although those are wonderful ways to relax! Self-care involves making lifestyle choices that nurture body, mind, and spirit. It includes getting enough sleep, eating a nourishing diet, getting regular exercise, and seeking medical care when it’s needed. Self-care isn’t always glamorous or fun, but going to the dentist, starting a new exercise program, or choosing a reasonable bedtime are all ways of investing in your overall well-being.  

There’s much more to self-care than just taking care of our physical bodies though. As holistic beings self-care needs to address every aspect of our well-being. We need to make choices that also help us live well mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

There’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to self-care, but there are some common factors. We’re fundamentally wired to be social beings. Close connections with other people are essential to our well-being. We need to make time to connect with family and friends, but most of us, especially those of us who are introverts, also need alone time. Like many things in life, it’s about finding the correct balance; balance that works for you and is good for your well-being.

Emotional self-care means taking care of your feelings; your inner wellness. It means means recognizing, understanding, and managing (not suppressing) your emotions. It includes actively challenging negative self-talk as well as knowing your limits and setting appropriate boundaries. It also involves taking time to relax. That might mean escaping into a good book, watching a favourite show, engaging in an enjoyable hobby, or spending time in nature. Pursuing fulfilling and meaningful activities that give your life meaning and purpose are also essential to emotional wellness.

I would be remiss if I didn’t also mention soul-care. Although there’s overlap between how we take care of our emotional and spiritual selves, soul-care also involves specific faith or tradition based practices that nurture our relationship with our Creator and allow Him to fill us. This might include scripture reading, prayer, meditation, or journalling as well as being part of a community that provides encouragement and accountability.

As strange as it might sound, one of the most spiritual things that we can do for ourselves is rest. That’s why God introduced the idea of Sabbath. There’s a big difference between being “tired” and being “depleted.” If we’re simply tired, a nap can solve the problem, but when we’re “depleted,” we need something more. So, if you find yourself feeling overworked, overwhelmed and over stressed this is your invitation to slow down and focus on how you might better engage in self-care. Quality self-care has been shown to improve mental health, enhance self-esteem and self-worth, increase optimism, and lessen symptoms of anxiety and depression. It can also help build resilience so you’re better equipped to handle life’s many stressors and challenges. 

Exploring Saskatoon in style

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Today I have a little bit of Fashion Friday and a little bit of travel for you all in one short post! Hubby and I spent three days this week representing our church at a denominational conference in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. While most of our time was spent in meetings, we had some free time to do a bit of exploring on Wednesday afternoon. We decided to spend it walking a small portion of the Meewasin Trail, a scenic multi-use pathway that stretches over 105 km in and around the city, mainly along the South Saskatchewan River.

A big question for me was what to wear when I would be spending a significant amount of time in an air-conditioned venue, but also a couple of hours walking outdoors in 32ºC (90ºF) heat!! Here’s what I chose.

The white jeans were a thrift store purchase several summers ago and have appeared on the blog before, but the open-weave crocheted top, worn here over a white cami, is a recent acquisition purchased at a new consignment shop in our area. The sunglasses in my left hand and the hat were very important accessories on such a hot, sunny day and I also wore my Ecco Yucatan walking sandals that provided much needed support as we ended up walking 7 km (4.3 miles) on paved pathways.

We accessed the trail and started our walk across the street from the historic Knox United Church. Built between 1912 and 1914, it is a designated municipal heritage building.

Another historic building along our route was the iconic Bessborough Hotel, Saskatoon’s castle on the river, which is presently closed for major interior renovations.

A little further along, we passed some much more modern architecture.

The beautiful Zhongshan Ting pagoda in Victoria Park was donated to the city in 2015 to commemorate the first Chinese immigrants and their contributions to early Saskatoon.

Fragrant blossoms and the presence of many pairs of Canada Geese were signs of the season. This fellow kept a close eye on us as while his partner grazed and we were careful not to annoy him. While these large birds become very comfortable in urban areas, they can also be highly aggressive, especially during their spring breeding and nesting seasons.

For the last bit of our walk back to the vehicle, we left the riverside and walked along Spadina Crescent. There, we came across one of the most recognized and photographed landmarks in the area, the Tribute to Youth statue. The life-sized bronze sculpture featuring five children with interlocked limbs forms a sphere and captures a sense of childlike play and energy. They definitely appeared to have more energy than I did at the end of our 7 km walk!

Dressing intentionally for medical appointments

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It’s been quite awhile since I last published a fashion post or said anything about my health on here, so I today I thought I’d tell you how I dressed intentionally for two medical appointments earlier this week. I did, of course, want to look well put together for a trip to the city, but there were many other factors to consider as I reached into my closet that morning.

The first appointment was for an ultrasound on my left ankle to take a look at a growth that I noticed recently. It’s likely another schwannoma (benign nerve sheath tumour) like the one behind my left knee, but we need to know for sure that it isn’t something more worrisome. Since spring is finally here and the forecast called for a warm day, it made sense to wear sandals and pants that easily exposed my ankle for the test. Also, capri pants are back in style for 2026 which makes me very happy!

When we arrived at the Cross Cancer Institute for my second appointment, a routine CT scan to check on my neuroendocrine cancer, I had hubby snap a few quick photos for this post.

When I dress for these CT scans, there are many things that I take into consideration. First, there can be absolutely no metal on anything that I wear into the scanner. I have very few pairs of pants that don’t have metal on them somewhere… zippers, buttons, snaps, or grommets. I usually have to change into a pair of baggy hospital pj pants for my scans, but this particular pair of stretchy capris are completely metal-free. They were a win for both appointments!

The animal print t-shirt ticked several important boxes. Like the pants, it has no metal bits or pieces. I do wear an underwire bra though, so that has to come off. I could don a hospital gown, but I much prefer to wear my own top. In order to do that, I want it to be loose enough and made of dense enough fabric that the unfettered girls aren’t too obvious when I’m sitting in the waiting room. Also, I have to have an IV placed in the crook of my arm to deliver the contrast dye during my scan, so a cap-sleeved top like this one works well for that. This time, I also wanted to wear a top with a high neckline to cover two fairly large moles on my collarbone area that were burned with liquid nitrogen a week earlier as they were still looking pretty nasty.

The jean jacket was simply a topper to complete the outfit. It came off for the scan, of course.

Although I like my outfits to meet all five of my style adjectives… classy, casual, comfortable, confident, and authentic… the primary thought behind this one was practicality. It warmed my heart, however, when the receptionist at the first clinic told me that I looked elegant! Her compliment reminded me how easy it is to make a positive difference in someone’s day. She went on to comment specifically on my blue and silver earrings and brooch. If you look closely, you can see part of one of the earrings in this photo.

With the exception of my sandals, and earrings (and of course, my undergarments), this outfit was entirely thrifted. The brooch, which elevates the jean jacket from ordinary to eye-catching, cost me a whopping 25¢ several years ago!

The Devil Loves Prada 2

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Since we don’t live close to our grown children and their families and weren’t going to be seeing any of them yesterday, hubby suggested earlier in the week that we should go out for dinner and a movie on Mother’s Day. I chose The Devil Wears Prada 2. Considering the fact that it’s been 20 years since the original movie was released and close to that long since we had seen it, we decided to watch it on Disney+ on Friday evening to refresh our memories. I’m glad we did. While the sequel, with its return of the original cast, could be enjoyed as a stand alone, it definitely features character callbacks and references to the original.

I wasn’t sure what to expect as sequels are often disappointing, but in this case, I was pleasantly surprised. We both thoroughly enjoyed the movie. The script writers did an admirable job of handling the 20-year time span and I loved seeing 76-year-old Meryl Streep still rocking the big screen. The movie also showed very clearly the major changes that have taken place in the world of journalism and the magazine industry over the past two decades.

Of course, how could I not enjoy a movie about fashion and writing? The often flamboyant outfits were a sight to behold, but one piece especially captured my attention. I absolutely loved Miranda Priestly’s (Meryl Streep) cropped and tasseled Dries Van Noten jacket!

It’s interesting to note that the jacket almost didn’t make it into the movie. Apparently, it sparked quite a controversy with some in the studio wanting to axe it, but Meryl Streep herself convinced them that it was an important addition that fit the scene very well. It has rightfully become a fan favourite and I foresee similarly embellished jackets becoming a trend!

I also enjoyed the portions of the movie that were filmed on location in Milan, Italy as they brought back wonderful memories of our very brief time there in 2019. Glimpses of the magnificent Duomo reminded me of our astounding time on its very ornate rooftop and watching Meryl Streep walk the length of the Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II, a very high end shopping mall that we also walked, was definitely a fun moment. You can read about our afternoon in Milan and see more photos here.

At one point in the movie, Stanley Tucci’s character, Nigel makes the rather disparaging comment, “Look what TJ Maxx dragged in.” For those of you, especially amongst my Canadian readers, who aren’t familiar with TJ Maxx, it is similar to our Winners and is, in fact, owned by the same parent company. Obviously, the off-price retailer wasn’t impressed with the snarky line in the movie, but rather than respond in a negative way, they saw it as a “can’t miss” opportunity. Flipping the script, they hired Tucci and came out with this absolutely brilliant ad.

So, if you’re wondering if The Devil Wears Prada 2 is worth seeing, I say yes!

Head-Smashed-In Buffalo Jump

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Hubby and I reached a new milestone on Friday. For the first time ever, we became the grandparents of an adult when our grandson, Drew, celebrated his 18th birthday! I have no idea how the time went so fast, but this sweet babe is now a fine young man!

Drew and his siblings are Métis. He, in particular, has taken a keen interest in their Indigenous heritage, so yesterday we took them to Head-Smashed-In Buffalo Jump, a remarkable site that teaches about the Plains native culture.

Located about two hours south of Calgary, Alberta, Head-Smashed-In Buffalo Jump is the most outstanding and best preserved example of a unique communal hunting technique employed by the Plains people for thousands of years. At sites like this one across the North American Plains, Indigenous tribes used natural barriers such as coulees, depressions and hills to funnel bison herds into prepared drive lanes ending at a precipice over which the bison were stampeded to their deaths. The carcasses were then butchered in camps set up below the cliffs to provide food and materials for clothing, tools and dwellings.

The seven-levelled Interpretive Centre at Head-Smashed-In was built into the hillside just south of the jump site in such a way that the fragile archaeological deposits were left undisturbed. As recommended, we started our tour at the top where we walked the 200 metre upper trail to the viewpoint overlooking the precipice.

Working our way down through the seven levels of exhibits, we stopped at the theatre on the third level to view an excellent 15 minute film re-enactment of a buffalo jump.

We had planned on walking the 1.2 km interpretive trail below the cliff after finishing inside, but a storm had blown in and it was raining, so we missed that part of the experience. It was still an excellent day and well worth the trip.

Book of the month – April 2026

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Moon Road

Sarah Leipciger

Divorced for more than two decades, Yannick and Kathleen have not seen or spoken to one another for nineteen years when they receive the news that human remains have been unearthed on Vancouver Island. Could this be their daughter, Una, who disappeared without a trace over twenty years earlier? This unimaginable shared loss brings them together for a cross-Canada trip from Ontario all the way to the Pacific Coast.

As they bicker their way across more than two thousand miles of Canadian Shield, prairie, mountain, and forest in Yannick’s old pick-up truck, a history of love, loss, headstrong children, and hopeless searching reveals itself.

It was the cross-Canada trek, a route that I have traveled several times myself, that first drew me to this book, but it was superb character development  that kept me turning the pages. Kathleen is strong, single-minded, and independent. After all the years that have passed, she still keeps a running count of the number of days that Una has been missing, maintains a Find Una Facebook page, and hosts an annual party to keep the memory of her disappearance alive. Yannick, divorced several times, is a bit of a lost soul, restless, unsettled, and feeling his age in creaky bones and aching joints.

I’ve seen valid comparisons made between Moon Road and Elizabeth Strout’s novels, but truth be told, I enjoyed this one more. It’s a thoughtful and moving story that I found difficult to put down.

Moon Road was the first of Sarah Leipciger’s novels that I’ve read, but I’ll definitely be looking for her two earlier ones, The Mountain Can Wait and Coming Up for Air.

What’s in your little red wagon?

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This is the last of a four part series based on the talks that I gave at a ladies retreat last weekend. You can find the other three here, here, and here. Although I was speaking to women, the contents of this post apply equally well to men.

In her book entitled Present Over Perfect, author Shauna Niequist describes what she calls “Leaving behind frantic for a simpler, more soulful way of living.” I especially loved this quote. “It’s like I was pulling a little red wagon, and as I pulled it along, I filled it so full that I could hardly keep pulling. That red wagon was my life, and the weight of pulling it was destroying me. I was aware that I was missing the very things I so badly longed for: connection, meaning, peace. But there was something that kept driving me forward – a set of beliefs and instincts that kept me pushing, pushing, pushing even as I was longing to rest.”

Do you ever feel that way? If so, are there some things in your little red wagon that maybe need to be taken out and put aside? Things that are taking up too much space in your life? Too much time or too much energy?

Take a moment to visualize Jesus in the flesh visiting your home, looking at your calendar, and watching how you spend your time. What would He say? He told Martha that she was worried and upset about many things, but that only one thing was needed. (Luke 10:38-42) What would he point to in your life? Where would he say, “That doesn’t need to consume so much of your time. You don’t need to devote so much energy to that.” I’m pretty sure He would tell me that I shouldn’t spend so much time scrolling on social media. Would he say to you, “You’re trying too hard. You expect too much of yourself. Come sit at my feet and listen to me.”

Choosing presence over perfection is a matter of establishing priorities and setting boundaries. Like a cross, a Christian’s priorities should focus on a vertical relationship with God first, followed by horizontal relationships with family and community.

While the amount of time we spend on certain activities is often an indicator of what our priorities are, that isn’t always the case. Our number 1 priority should always be our relationship with God, but it’s highly unlikely that we’ll ever spend more time praying and reading the Bible than we do working, keeping house, or caring for our families. God knows if you are home with little children and barely get any quiet time to spend with Him. He knows if you work long hours to help provide for your family, but He also knows when we put busyness or selfish pleasures above time with Him. If we want to have a productive, balanced, and purposeful life, we need to put Him first. So, the very first thing that we need to put into our little red wagons is our relationship with God. 

For those of us who are married, our marriage relationship should be our second priority. That goes into our wagon next. A strong marriage is the foundation of the family unit and provides stability and emotional security for both partners as well as their children. It’s very easy for us to get so caught up in all the other aspects of our busy lives that we end up neglecting our marriages and the results can be disastrous. For those of you who are still young, intentionally spending time with your spouse and nurturing your marriage relationship is also an important investment in your future. Children grow up and leave home, but marriage is intended to last a lifetime. Failing to prioritize the marriage while the kids are young often makes it difficult to reconnect later in life.

After our relationships with God and spouse comes family. When we have children at home, they require a great deal of our time, energy, and attention, so family goes into our wagon next. When our children grow up and leave home, although they’re still in our hearts, they no longer need to ride in our little red wagons. It’s time for them to start pulling their own wagons. Around that time though, we sometimes need to prioritize elderly parents who’re no longer able to pull their own wagons without help. 

Following God, marriage, and family come things like home, career, service in the church and the community, as well as self-care which I plan to write a separate post about sometime soon. As the seasons of our lives change, what we carry in our wagons continues to change. For many people, retirement removes a very heavy load and sometimes leaves them wondering what to fill their wagon with next. This is a time when service in the church or the community as well as other personal interests can begin to take up more space and we can pursue passions that we might not have had time and energy for when we were working and raising families. At any time, however, it’s very easy for our little wagons to become dangerously overloaded, so we also need to learn to establish boundaries.

Healthy boundaries are the limits we set to protect our time, energy, and emotional well-being. They’re not walls that shut people out. Instead, they’re more like property lines that say this is who I am, this is what I need, and this is what I can do. They protect your capacity to love and serve well and are necessary for creating a flourishing, purposeful life that honours God. 

As Christians, striving to honour God in all we do, it can be very difficult to set boundaries on our time and our energy because we know that we’re supposed to be loving and sacrificial, and we might fear being seen as selfish and unloving. In reality though, boundaries aren’t selfish. They are wise acts of stewardship that allow us to avoid burnout and enable us to give from a place of abundance. It’s very easy to fall into the trap of giving too much and losing sight of what we need in order to thrive.

When we establish healthy boundaries, we protect our mental, emotional, and spiritual health; we prioritize what truly matters and what aligns with our God-given purpose; and we also model self-respect, teaching others how to treat us. We keep our little red wagons from becoming so full that we can no longer push or pull them.

Setting appropriate boundaries means accepting the fact that we all have limits; that we aren’t perfect, that we can’t be and do everything for everybody all the time. It involves identifying what drains you and what fills you up and deciding what, if anything, you need to release in order to create space for the things that matter most. It means communicating limits clearly and being consistent about enforcing them. It means accepting the fact that just because you’re able to do something doesn’t mean you have to do it or that you should.

Setting boundaries involves learning to say no. When you never say no, you become the person that everyone comes to for everything and your little red wagon quickly becomes overloaded. Sometimes we even need to say no to good things because trying to do too many good things soon becomes a bad thing as it leads to stress and burnout. There’s no prize for being perfect, but there is a price to pay for trying.

Declining an invitation or saying no to a request can be surprisingly difficult, especially if you’re afraid of disappointing someone or worry that they’ll hold it against you, but sometimes it’s essential and it does get easier with practice. Learning how to say no without feeling guilty is one of the most important and most freeing lessons that I’ve learned in life, one that I wish I had learned much sooner.

One of the most important things to learn about saying no is that you don’t owe anyone an explanation or an apology. You can simply say no without giving a reason. It’s important to be polite, but firm, saying something like “I’m sorry, but I won’t be able to do that.” or “I’m flattered to be asked, but I’ll have to say no.”

One of the best strategies that I’ve adopted is not giving an immediate response to most requests. There are rare occasions when I will give an answer on the spot, but that doesn’t happen very often. I usually ask for time to check my calendar and think about an opportunity or a request before giving a definite answer. 

Of course, we don’t want to become the person who always says no. There are times when yes is the right answer. Sometimes God is opening a new door or calling us to a new challenge. It might even be one that involves stepping outside our comfort zone, but taking time to give an answer that we’ve thought about keeps us from becoming over committed. It could be that our wagon is already full and in order to say yes and add something new, we have to look at what we can take out, what we can say no to.

I want to end this series by sharing something that popped up on my Facebook feed while I was preparing this talk. Unfortunately, it sometimes takes a major shake-up to jar us into rearranging our priorities and realizing what’s most important in life. This was posted by a fellow cancer patient, but I don’t know who originally wrote it.

Before cancer, I cared more about the little things…
The things that don’t really matter.
The messy house.
The to-do list.
What people thought of me.
I thought those things were important.

After cancer… everything shifted.
Now I care more about the moments.
The quiet mornings.
The people I love.
The time I get to be here.

The little things I used to stress over…
don’t feel so big anymore.
Because when your life is shaken,
you realize what actually matters.
And it’s not perfection.
It’s not control.
It’s presence.
It’s faith.
It’s gratitude for one more day.

Present Over Perfect

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Today I’m continuing a series based on the talks I gave at a ladies retreat on Saturday. You can find the first two posts here and here. I’m sorry guys, although the first two posts contained principles that apply to both men and women, this one really is for the ladies. Perhaps it would give you insight into what the women in your life are up against though.

The world as we know it sets an unreasonable standard of perfection for women that is impossible to meet. We are frequently told that we can and should “have it all”, that we should be able to effortlessly balance a successful career, a perfect family, and a beautiful home, all the while maintaining an often unattainable standard of physical beauty. A woman is told that she should have a well-toned body that is both thin and curvy, hair that’s never out of place, and skin that is flawless. At the same time, she’s supposed to be nurturing, empathetic, and kind and she should never look old or tired!

Social media has certainly contributed to this messaging, but those of my generation know that this it was around long before the internet. It just came to us in different forms through things like television, women’s magazines, and advertising. What social media has done is significantly increase the level of unhealthy competition between women. What we generally see on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok are carefully curated highlights of other people’s lives and we’re often left feeling that we don’t quite measure up. We see perfection that isn’t real or sustainable.

Romans 12:2 tells us, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world” tells us to leave behind the heavy weight of comparison, competition, and exhaustion brought on by the messaging that bombards us. Like Mary of Bethany (Luke 10:38-42), we are to be counter-cultural Christian women, but how do we do that?

Before I try to answer that, let’s think about what messages the church gives us about who or what we should be. The New Testament tells us a lot about correct Christian character, but it’s the Proverbs 31 woman from the Old Testament who is often held up to us as an example of perfect or godly womanhood. In case you’re not familiar with this paragon of virtue, she is described as exceptionally wise and industrious. She is trustworthy, diligent, generous to the poor, and strong in character. She earns the praise of her husband, her children, and her community. As Christian women, many of us cringe when we hear her mentioned because her perfection is intimidating!

The book of Proverbs was written roughly 2700 to 3000 years ago, but the woman it describes isn’t actually all that different from us today. She’s a wife and a mother with a household to run, but she’s also a woman with a career. Scripture tells us that she’s both the owner of a vineyard and a profitable trader. She seems to fit the mold of “having it all” – a perfect balance of career, family, and personal well-being. Not only does she ensure that her family’s needs are met, but she works vigorously and demonstrates good business sense. We’re also told that she’s up before dawn and works well into the night, so I do question her time management skills and I have to wonder how exhausted she would actually have been!

The virtuous woman of Proverbs 31 is formidable and impressive, but her accomplishments and commitment to her family create unrealistic expectations for us. Rest assured however, she was never meant to be a checklist of tasks to perform or a measuring stick to beat ourselves up with.

Trying to extract and apply wisdom from ancient literature should be done very carefully. Most Bible scholars agree that this passage was probably written by Bathsheba, one of King David’s wives, advising her son, Solomon, who would someday be king, about the kind of wife she wanted him to choose. She wasn’t actually a real woman at all! This was a loving mother’s description of the perfect wife for her son and honestly, what mother doesn’t want a perfect spouse for her child? It also describes one who would be the wife of a king, a woman who would have far more resources than the average middle-class woman today, a woman with servants to help with many of her daily chores. Who among us wouldn’t like that?!

At the end of the lengthy description of this woman’s qualities and accomplishments, Proverbs 31:30 goes on to tell us, “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” It’s not the woman with a perfectly sculpted body who is to be praised. It’s not the mom with perfectly behaved children wearing matching, designer outfits or the woman with a spotless house. It’s not the woman who excels at her career, it’s the woman who fears the Lord! That’s the woman who is to be praised! That’s the woman we want to be. (If the word “fears” in this verse bothers you, there are several Bible translations and paraphrases that use terms like “honours,” “reveres,” or “respects” to convey the meaning of holy awe rather than the idea of being afraid of God.)

So, back to the question, how do we become counter-cultural Christian women, women who aren’t intimidated and burdened by all this pressure to be perfect?

Let’s take another look at Romans 12:2. “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

It’s not about striving for perfection. It’s about Jesus inviting us to sit at His feet and to allow His Holy Spirit to shape and refine us. It’s about actively allowing our thinking to change from worldly perspectives to godly ones, about allowing the Holy Spirit to reorder our thoughts to align with God’s will. It’s about shifting our focus from perfection to presence; presence with God, presence with family, presence in all the many tasks that fill our daily lives.

My next post, which will be the last one in this series, will give some practical pointers on how to live this “presence over perfection” lifestyle.

 

Sitting at His feet

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I ended yesterday’s post with a question. How can we, like Mary of Bethany, sit at the feet of Jesus and learn from Him? (Luke 10:38-42) Today, I will try to answer that question by sharing a slightly edited version of the remainder of the first talk that I gave at a ladies retreat on Saturday. Again, although I was speaking to women, what I’m sharing applies to both men and women.

A.W. Tozer, a prominent 20th century pastor, author, and editor, said that “God can be known satisfactorily only as we devote time to Him” but how do we do that? I want to look at three answers to that question: Scripture, prayer, and community. There’s no one size fits all, perfect way to spend time with Jesus, but these three components are vital parts of a life with Him.

Let’s start with the Word of God. The Bible is so much more than just an ancient text. It’s filled with timeless truths and profoundly practical principles that are just as applicable today as they were when they were written thousands of years ago. The world in which we live has changed, but the principles are eternal.

There are many different ways to incorporate Scripture into our daily lives. Although there’s nothing inherently wrong with them, I’m not actually a big fan of read through the Bible in one year plans. You start off in Genesis with the stories of creation, Adam and Eve, Noah’s ark, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and Joseph. Exciting stories that keep you reading. Then you move into Exodus and read about God saving His people from slavery in Egypt, but after that comes Leviticus, a book about laws, rituals, sacrifices, and priestly duties. Perhaps you push through that only to find that Numbers is aptly named as the first few chapters detail a census counting the entire Israelite population by clan and family. By this point many people with great intentions get bogged down and give up. If that’s been you, you were probably left feeling frustrated and guilty, as if you’d failed at something important.

I really like something that our pastor said in his sermon several weeks ago. “The Bible isn’t a book to get through, it’s a book to get through to you.” 

If you do decide to read through the entire Bible from start to finish, doing it in one year might not be a manageable goal for you. That requires reading more than three chapters a day. Instead, if that’s more than you can realistically see yourself doing, try taking smaller, more manageable bites and really focusing on what you read. So what if it takes three or four years or even longer to finish? It’s not a race!

An option that I prefer for reading from Genesis through to Revelation is a chronological Bible that rearranges the text into the order that the events occurred historically, rather than the traditional order that we’re used to. It makes so much more sense to me that way. Many of the most commonly used versions are available in this format, but regardless of how you decide to incorporate Scripture into your daily life, make sure you choose a translation that you find easy to understand.

Instead of reading through the entire Bible, there are many other ways to incorporate Scripture into your busy days. There are, of course, print and online devotionals that provide short, daily readings and small portions of Scripture. Listening to an audio Bible is another great option that can be done almost anywhere.

Psalm 119:11 says, “I have stored up your word in my heart.” Regardless of how we do that, our goal must be more than surface knowledge. Instead, we need to allow the truth of God’s Word to sink deep into our hearts and shape our lives. We need to be like Mary sitting at Jesus’ feet. I suspect that she hung on every word He said. I don’t think she was daydreaming. Her mind wasn’t wandering and she wasn’t dwelling on the next thing on her to-do list.

God knows what season of life each one of us is in. He knows that the amount of time that we’re able to carve out for Him will vary at different times in our lives. We just need to make sure that we’re giving Him quality time. Whether you read three chapters a day or just a few verses, It’s very easy to fall into the trap of simply performing another duty, something else to check off on your to-do list. Don’t just skim over what you read, take time to really think about what it’s saying to you.

While Scripture is God speaking to us, prayer is us in conversation with Him. It’s how we stay close to Him. Jesus often withdrew to desolate, quiet places to pray. If He, the Son of God, needed solitude with the Father, how much more do we?

While a place of solitude sounds great, that might not be realistic for you in the season of life that you’re in right now. I go into my den and close the door for a time of prayer every morning, but I realize that being retired, I’m speaking from a position of privilege. That hasn’t always been the case. My den used to be a child’s bedroom and in those days, mornings certainly didn’t look like they do now. They were a hectic rush of making sure that everyone was dressed, fed, and ready to leave for school on time. During the 18 years that I taught in the next little town down the highway, my prayer time was in the vehicle on the way to school and back. I also remember praying in the bath when that was my only alone time. The point isn’t isolation though, it’s presence. It’s sitting at the feet of Jesus whenever and wherever works best for you at this point in your life.

In 1 Thessalonians 5:17-18, Paul gives us a clear and challenging command, “Pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Jesus Christ.” He doesn’t describe a prayer time, but a prayer life, an ongoing conversation with our Lord. Intentionally setting aside a specific time and place to pray each day is an important spiritual practice, but we can also pray anytime, anywhere. Praying isn’t just speaking though, it’s slowing down, listening, sitting with God, and letting Him speak into the never-ending noise. It’s a relationship, not a request line and it isn’t something to be squeezed into the edges of life.

Also, our love for God isn’t measured by how perfect our prayers sound. If Jesus is our friend, as Scripture tells us He is, and as He was to Mary and her sister, Martha, then we can talk to Him as we would to anyone else. We can tell Him anything. If it’s important to you, it’s important to God. Whether it’s praying for an open parking space or an end to the war in Ukraine, there’s nothing too big or too small to talk to Him about.

Although making Scripture and prayer part of our daily lives are usually solitary activities, God didn’t design us to live the Christian life alone. It’s a group project, not a solo event. We can’t be all that He designed us to be without community. We don’t have what it takes to thrive on our own. We need each other’s gifts and each other’s presence. When we walk with others whose lives are aligned with the Word of God, they challenge us, encourage us, and help us see what we can’t see on our own. We need people who will remind us of what’s true when we falter, who will pray when we can’t find the words, who will walk beside us when we feel like we can’t go on. That requires more than simply doing church together on Sunday mornings. It means getting to know one another on a deeper level. That’s one of the benefits of being part of a small group Bible study.

In John 15:4, Jesus said, “Abide in me, as I also abide in you.” He didn’t say visit occasionally or check in when it’s convenient. He didn’t say, see you next Sunday! He said abide, remain, sit at my feet.

I’m going to conclude with a slightly altered version of an illustration from the book, Living by the Word, by Seth M. Jones:

Abiding is like tending a fire in winter. You don’t just light it once and walk away expecting the warmth to last. You return to it. You feed it. You guard it from going out. Your presence is required. Prayer, scripture, and community are three of the logs we lay on that fire. Without them, our love for God cools into embers, but with them it burns bright, steady, and strong.

In my next post, I plan to share from the second talk that I gave on Saturday on the theme, Present Over Perfect.