Appearance

How to look put together every day

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logo-by-samIt’s late in the day and I still haven’t written today’s Fashion Friday post, so this is going to be a quick one. We spent two days in the city this week attending medical appointments so that’s my excuse for not being better prepared. The good news is that the lab work and CT scans that I’ve had done over the past couple of weeks showed that my cancer is stable! That’s a word that I wasn’t sure I was ever going to hear again, so of course, I’m delighted. We’ll redo all the tests in three months time, but for now I can put that on the back burner and get on with other things.

We may not always feel as if we have it all together, but we can always look as though we do and how we look affects how we feel. Today I’m going to share 14 tips on how to look put together every single day regardless of age or occasion.

  1. Start by taking care of yourself. Regular exercise, a healthy diet, and adequate sleep go a long way toward looking and feeling your best.
  2. Get a good, low maintenance haircut.
  3. Good grooming is key. Develop a good skin care routine, make sure your hair is neat and clean, practice good dental hygiene, and don’t neglect nail care.
  4. Make sure your clothes are clean.
  5. Don’t wear wrinkled clothes (with the exception of linen which is supposed to be wrinkled). You might want to invest in a hand-held steamer for quick touch ups.
  6. Ensure that your clothing fits well.
  7. Invest in good basics. Shop within your means, but buy the best quality that you can afford.
  8. Use a fabric shaver to remove pilling from knitwear.
  9. Find the colour palette that works best for you.
  10. Make sure your footwear is clean and in good condition.
  11. Accessorize, but don’t overdo.
  12. Use makeup strategically. Again, don’t overdo.
  13. Practice good posture.
  14. And finally, wear a smile!

These tips might seem obvious, but you don’t have to look far to see women who ignore them, especially at this busy, sometimes frenzied time of year. Do you have any other tips to add to the list?

What elegance is not

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LogoFor the past year and probably longer, my most read blog post has been one that I wrote in September 2020 entitled 50 characteristics of an elegant woman. Every time I look at my stats and see it at the top of the list, I can’t help wondering why. I know that if you google “characteristics of an elegant woman” it’s one of the first items that pops up, but why are so many people looking for information about elegance? Is it something that’s lacking in our world today?  

The dictionary defines elegance as the “quality of being graceful and attractive in appearance or manner”. Elegance is so much more than what we look like or how we dress. It’s the whole package, inside and out. 

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Since this is a topic that is obviously of interest, I thought I’d dive into it a bit deeper today and look at what elegance is not. I love the quote above, but it was also Yves Saint Laurent who said, “We must never confuse elegance with snobbery.” Elegance can’t be bought. A mean-spirited woman in expensive clothes and impeccable makeup isn’t elegant. She’s simply a well-dressed nasty person.

While elegance might sound like an old-fashioned concept, it isn’t only for the elderly or a practice from a bygone era. It’s something that every woman of any age can aspire to.

Perhaps you were brought up with the myth that elegance means conforming and keeping quiet. Not so! As I said in my previous post, an elegant woman isn’t loud or obnoxious, but she graciously and calmly stands up for what she believes in. She isn’t contentious, but at the same time, she isn’t a doormat. Elegance is not weakness! 

While I was writing this, 1 Corinthians, the “love chapter” from the Bible that’s often read at weddings, kept coming to mind, particularly verses 4 and 5. 

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 

Everything that is said about love could also be said about elegance! Elegance is patient, it doesn’t envy, it doesn’t boast, it isn’t proud, it doesn’t dishonour others, it’s not self-seeking, it’s not easily angered, and it doesn’t keep a record of wrongs. 

One of the areas where I see a distinct absence of elegance in today’s world is social media. An elegant woman puts her cell phone aside and gives her full attention to the people she’s with. When she’s alone, she doesn’t spend endless hours scrolling on Facebook and getting caught up in pointless debates. She’s careful about what she posts online and doesn’t use social media for self-promotion. 

Elegance isn’t about perfection. It’s about being comfortable with who you are, knowing your limitations, growing from past experiences, and not worrying about the things you can’t control. 

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More than your appearance

/ edebock / 5 Comments

Logo by SamI’ve written about today’s topic before, but the beginning of a new year seems to be a good time to revisit it. As women, we are constantly bombarded by air brushed images promising us thinner bodies, younger looking skin, flawless complexions, lusher lashes, smoother lips, and glossy nails. How easy it is to forget that these are simply advertisements aimed at selling products. For many, they become the goal, the standard of beauty, and they go to great lengths to try to attain it. But do these things truly make us beautiful? What about clothes? Does beauty come from wearing the right brands and the latest trends? I think not!

A nasty, mean-spirited woman dressed in designer clothes and made up impeccably, is still mean and nasty. Unless something happens to transform her from the inside out, that ill-tempered spirit will soon become evident and we will see through her attractive appearance.

The Bible tells us  “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.” 1 Peter 3:3-4a

Does this mean that a woman shouldn’t concern herself with style, dress in fine clothes, wear elaborate jewelry or use make-up. Absolutely not! It simply says that her true beauty shouldn’t depend on these things. It ought to come from within.

Stephanie Lahart, inspirational author of Overcoming Life’s Obstacles, puts it this way:  “Her outer beauty is just a bonus, but it is her inner beauty that’s most captivating. She’s loving, caring, kindhearted, empathetic, and genuine. She’s comfortable in her own skin, therefore, she’s able to compliment, celebrate, and build up others around her. She’s a quality woman with a strong sense of self! She doesn’t need the spotlight, because she is the light wherever she goes. Smart, confident, ambitious, and fearless… Beautifully created from the inside out.”

Being beautiful on the inside is about how you treat other people, but it’s also about how you nurture yourself. What do you tell yourself when you look in the mirror? Instead of berating yourself for your physical flaws (we all have them!) try acknowledging something positive about yourself, something that you’re proud of, something that makes you feel good. Appreciate your uniqueness. Don’t try to hide your authentic self or be someone you’re not. As much as possible, surround yourself with positive people who encourage you to be the best that you can be. Choose role models, not for their outward appearance, but for who they are on the inside. And finally, practice gratitude.

In 2024, let’s have fun with fashion, but let’s focus on being more than just our appearance!

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Posture and appearance

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“Stand up straight!” “Stop slouching!” 

Did you hear your mother’s voice or perhaps your grandma’s when you read that? It’s timeless advice that’s worth heeding. Good posture has many health benefits. Incorrect alignment of the spine puts extra stress on the legs and can lead to achy knees and feet. Poor posture can have a negative impact on circulation and digestion and may lead to increased headaches. Good posture is also essential to balance which becomes increasingly important as we age.

So, what does good posture look like?

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Image: Stanford University

Notice that in the image on the left, the model’s ears are directly above her shoulders. One of the leading causes of poor posture today is constantly looking down at phones and laptops. Did you know that your head weighs approximately 5 kg (11 pounds)? Every time you look down for an extended period of time its weight adds stress to muscles, joints, and nerves, especially in the neck and upper back.

But what does all this have to do with our appearance? Have you ever been to a fashion show or watched one online? Models, without exception, have great posture; shoulders back, chin level and hips neutral. There’s a reason for that. Clothing always looks better on a body with good posture.

I love to people watch and I can’t help noticing that people with good posture walk with more ease and grace. They look taller, more slender, more confident, happier, and healthier. So, as you put on your Christmas finery and head out the door to whatever special occasions this season holds, remember to listen to that inner voice that’s telling you to “Stand up straight!”

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Isabella Rossellini and I – this is what 71 looks like!

/ edebock / 12 Comments

I turned 71 yesterday, so I was intrigued to discover that Italian actress and model, Isabella Rossellini, who is also 71, is featured on the cover of this month’s issue of Italian Vogue.

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Even more delightful is the fact that the photo hasn’t been retouched! No photoshopping to eliminate the visible signs of aging.

Isabella is no stranger to ageism. At the age of 43, when she was dropped by Lancôme in favour of younger models, she was told that advertisements represent women’s dreams, not reality, and that women dream of looking young. More than 20 years later, in her mid 60s, she was invited back; perhaps a hopeful sign that there are positive changes taking place in the beauty industry.

Of course, for the magazine cover, Rossellini had the benefit of professional makeup artists, photographer, and lighting, but I also love the more natural look of this photo that she posted on Instagram recently.

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That’s a look that I can identify with; the look of a woman who is comfortable in her own skin, wrinkles and all. Born with scoliosis, Rossellini has had two major and very painful back surgeries. The idea of having surgery to alter her looks actually scares her. She isn’t interested in Botox injections either. She has a 28-acre organic farm on Long Island, New York and eats organic food, not to look younger, but to preserve her health. She says that doing Botox would completely contradict her chosen lifestyle.

Although she eschews cosmetic surgery and other attempts at hiding her age, Rossellini has been attentive to caring for her skin since she was a child. Her routine includes an eye cream, a face cream, and sunscreen. I, too, am diligent about skin care. In the morning, I wash my face with warm water and apply a day lotion with SPF 15 and UVA/UVB sun protection. At bedtime, I use a creamy facial cleanser with gentle exfoliants followed by a night cream. While I’ve been doing this since I was in my early 30s, I now use products that are specifically designed for maturing skin. I’m also very conscientious about using an SPF 50+ broad spectrum sunscreen whenever I spend much time outdoors.

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And there’s my without the benefit of professional assistance, just turned 71, wrinkles and scars, unretouched photo! Though I’m half blind without my glasses, I removed them so that they don’t hide anything.

Today, on my second day of being 71, I’m very thankful for role models like Isabella Rossellini; strong, elegant women who embrace their age and defy societal pressure to try to look younger than they actually are!

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Opposite views of aging

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Logo by SamSince reading Breaking the Age Code and featuring it as my July Book of the Month, I’ve been doing what the author, Dr. Becca Levy, suggested and looking more closely at the messages that I see about aging in the media, in advertising, and on social media. While this topic is much broader than just fashion, I think it’s appropriate for a Friday post because so much of what we see about age is directed at women and their appearance. Take the article that I saw posted on Facebook recently for example. “40+ Short Haircut Tips and Styles That Make Us Look 20 Years Younger”  sounds innocent enough until you ask yourself, why should we want to look 20 years younger? What’s wrong with looking 40, 50, or even 80? The message is that young is good, young is beautiful, and old is not. 

Thankfully, there are positive messages to be found too. “72 is the new 30! Get fit at any age along with this 72 year old fitness star!” implores an ad for an online fitness program. Scientists claim that life expectancy has increased to such an extent that a 72-year-old person today has the same probability of dying as a 30-year-old primitive hunter-gatherer would have had. Hence the saying, 72 is the new 30. That’s good news, I think, but the real message of the ad is that at 72 we can still be active and physically fit.

In contrast, look at this meme taken from Facebook.

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What? We’re old and washed up at 50? Maybe this is supposed to be funny, but it’s exactly the kind of self-defeating, negative message about aging that Dr. Levy wrote about.

Instead, here’s the kind of message we should be seeing.

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This the the kind of age belief that can add years to your life and quality to your years. In the long run, you’ll probably look better than the gal who’s lying on the heating pad eating nachos too!

The art of aging gracefully

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Since I spent much of the past week camping and yesterday participating in a senior’s golf tournament, I don’t have a regular Fashion Friday post for today. Instead, I’m going to share some words of wisdom from Donna Ashworth’s book, To The Women: words to live by. 

Think about it, you have EARNED this face.
Every line, a laugh shared.
Every wrinkle, a year survived.
Every age spot, a day that the sun shone on you.
Some women believe that as they age, they LOSE their looks. Oh my friends how wrong this is.
A beautiful young women is a happy accident of nature but a beautiful older woman?
She is a work of art.
The Japanese have a practice whereby they fill any broken objects with gold, believing that something which is broken has earned its beauty and should be celebrated and decorated rather than discarded.
I feel this way about women.
It took a long time to find out who you really truly are. A long time. The acceptance that old age brings is freeing. It brings with it peace and happiness.
Everyone knows, happiness looks good on us all.
Your body has been changing since the day you were born and will continue till the day you depart. Ride with it, accept it, embrace it. Be amazed by it.
Allow your face to represent your life, your stories, your joys.
Why choose to be an older woman fervently chasing youth, when you could be that older women who knows what she is worth and has earned every minute of her hard-won self-acceptance.
The trick with ageing successfully my friend, is to pay as little attention to it as possible.

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I’ve shared this photo before, but it’s one of my favourites from our time in China. I thought she was beautiful when I first saw her and I still do. I wish I could have spoken to her but language was a barrier. I have no doubt, however, that the well-earned lines on her face tell a story… a story of hardship, a story of survival, but hopefully also a story with some happiness in it. As we age, may our faces also tell our stories with grace and self-acceptance.

 

50 characteristics of an elegant woman

/ edebock / 15 Comments

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Pamela Lutrell, writer of the blog Over 50, Feeling 40, has been writing a series recently on cultivating elegance. Before she started, she asked her readers how they would define elegance. That led to a very interesting discussion and started me thinking a lot about what it means to be an elegant woman. 

What is elegance? Is it an old-fashioned concept gone the way of the dodo bird or is it something that today’s busy woman should aspire to?  

The dictionary defines elegance as the “quality of being graceful and attractive in appearance or manner.” It’s the “or manner” part that caught my attention. Elegance is much more than what we look like or how we dress. It’s the whole package, inside and out. 

With that in mind, I think an elegant woman…

  1. Dresses appropriately for the occasion.
  2. Doesn’t dress to impress.
  3. Knows her style and dresses accordingly. 
  4. Practices modesty and moderation in all things.
  5. Chooses quality over quantity. 
  6. Feels free to be herself. Is authentic, not contrived.
  7. Uses makeup subtly to enhance her natural beauty, not hide it. 
  8. Maintains good posture and moves gracefully.
  9. Doesn’t compare herself with others.
  10. Exhibits self-confidence. 
  11. Looks to other women for inspiration, not competition. 
  12. Practices good manners. 
  13. Accepts compliments gracefully.
  14. Has a heart of gratitude.
  15. Isn’t a complainer. 
  16. Engages in intelligent conversation and appreciates an intellectual debate.
  17. Is present in every conversation giving everyone her full attention. 
  18. Isn’t judgemental.
  19. Doesn’t gossip. 
  20. Practices discretion. Doesn’t share everything with everyone. 
  21. Is kind with her words about others. 
  22. Speaks eloquently and thoughtfully.
  23. Is never loud or obnoxious.
  24. Doesn’t always have to be right. 
  25. Doesn’t always have to have the last word. 
  26. Is comfortable with silence.  
  27. Stands up for what she believes in, but does it graciously. 
  28. Doesn’t lose her cool in public, but gracefully and calmly stands up to people who are disrespectful. 
  29. Thinks of others and puts their feelings ahead of her own. 
  30. Doesn’t try to control other people. 
  31. Doesn’t take other people for granted.
  32. Practices patience with everyone and everything in her life. 
  33. Admits when she is wrong and seeks to make amends.
  34. Apologizes sincerely. 
  35. Doesn’t speak down to children, but engages with them at an appropriate level. 
  36. Respects other people’s time and avoids being late. 
  37. Enjoys learning new things. 
  38. Recognizes her own areas of weakness. 
  39. Isn’t wasteful.
  40. Appreciates all that she’s been blessed with. 
  41. Takes pride in what she does, but isn’t a perfectionist.
  42. Isn’t boastful. 
  43. Appreciates hard work. 
  44. Lives passionately. 
  45. Isn’t afraid of getting dirty working in the garden, making mud pies with her grandchildren, or hiking a rugged trail. 
  46. Knows that life is about small and simple pleasures. 
  47. Persists when life gets tough, which it inevitably will. 
  48. Doesn’t obsess over the “what ifs” and “if onlys” in life. 
  49. Knows that the grass isn’t greener on the other side of the fence and when it looks as if it is, she waters her own yard. 
  50. Radiates inner peace. 

LogoDoes this list make elegance sound impossible? I hope not. Remember, no one is perfect. None of us gets it right all the time, but I think these are qualities that we can all aspire to and that they’re just as appropriate today as they were in our grandmother’s day. What do you think? Can you add any others to the list? 

What to wear while working from home

/ edebock / 13 Comments

LogoIt may seem frivolous to be writing or even thinking about fashion in the midst of a worldwide pandemic, but I believe that maintaining some sense of normalcy in these trying times is wise and helps alleviate stress. For many of you, your new normal includes working from home, perhaps for the first time. While it might be tempting to let your appearance go, I’d like to suggest that you’ll probably be more productive and feel better about yourself and your current situation if you don’t.

If your workplace has a strict dress code, this might be a time to enjoy a more relaxed look, but that doesn’t mean lounging around in pyjamas. Instead, perhaps think of every day as casual Friday.

As a retiree, except when I go to a student’s home to tutor, which obviously isn’t happening right now, I “work” from home all the time. Once I retired, I didn’t need a career wardrobe anymore, but I still wanted to look like I mattered; like I cared about myself. Now I try for a classy casual look even on days when I have no plans to leave the house and I’ll continue to do that through these days of sheltering in place.

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This week, my “job” has included doing reams of paperwork related to the settling of my father’s estate and my temporary office has been the kitchen table. The animal print top and cardigan that I’m wearing here have both appeared on the blog before. They’re comfortable workhorses in my day to day wardrobe. Though you can’t see them in the photos, I’m also wearing dark wash jeans.

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I’ve always been a minimalist when it comes to makeup, but even on stay at home days I use mascara and a bit of blush. I also wear accessories. Layering necklaces is a thing right now, so I’ve been experimenting.

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Both these necklaces have special significance to me and lately I’ve been enjoying wearing them together. The string of pearls was a gift from my grandmother when I was just a girl and I was given the pendant necklace by a very close friend who died of breast cancer in 2006.

During my teaching days, I had a small home office in the basement, but when I retired it became a playroom for the grandchildren when they come to visit. Nowadays, when I’m not working at the kitchen table, one end of the living room couch is my “office”. This is where the blog happens and here’s what I was wearing as I finished up this post.

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Again, everything I’m wearing has been seen on the blog before, in this case skinny grey jeans and a favourite sweater both from past seasons of cabi. I could be working in pyjamas or sweats, but it only takes a few minutes to dress for the day and even if no one but hubby sees me, I feel better about myself and I like what I see when I pass by a mirror!

If you have school age children, you’ve probably had a second job thrust upon you in these unusual times; that of teacher or learning coach. As important as maintaining routine and some sense of normalcy is for adults, it’s even more important for children and getting dressed for school is part of that. Here’s what’s happening at my daughter’s house.

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photo: Melaina Graham

These three love to lounge around the house in their pjs, but right now they’re up and dressed for school each day in their new “classroom”. Mom and Dad are both working from home and each has a separate workspace in this same room.

How are you faring in these unusual days and what are you wearing?

We’re not decorations!

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In the wake of International Women’s Day, I came across a couple of quotes that made me stop and think. More than a decade ago, blogger Erin McKean, writer of A Dress A Day, wrote:

You Don’t Have to Be Pretty. You don’t owe prettiness to anyone. Not to your boyfriend/spouse/partner, not to your co-workers, especially not to random men on the street. You don’t owe it to your mother, you don’t owe it to your children, you don’t owe it to civilization in general. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked “female”.

Then, on March 8, International Women’s Day, Susan B. of une femme d’un certain âge wrote:

You don’t owe it to the world to look taller and thinner. You don’t owe it to the world to look younger or more conventionally attractive. You only owe it to yourself to be authentic, to wear what feels right. 

Profound!

Why do we, as women, feel the need to conform to some preconceived image of beauty? Negative body image, often fuelled by media and advertising, contributes to eating disorders, depression, anxiety, relationship problems, substance abuse, and a variety of other health issues. It’s time for us as women to say no more. We are NOT decorations!

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be pretty, but the question I would ask is why? Why do you want to look or dress a certain way? Is it to please yourself or someone else?

Whether your approach to fashion tends toward minimalism like this look from Jessture by Jessica Hu,

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is colourful and eclectic like Iris Apfel’s,

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or falls somewhere in between, discover your unique style and feel true to who you are. It’s so much more important to be happy and healthy than to fit someone else’s idea of pretty, sexy, or alluring. After all, you’re a person of immeasurable value, not a decoration!