Age

Elderly? Not yet!

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I was a bit taken aback when a fellow blogger who’s a few months younger than I am recently referred to herself as elderly. I turned 73 earlier this week. Maybe I’m in denial, but I’ve never thought of myself as elderly! I still don’t. 

I recently read a trashy novel entitled The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel about a group of doddering old people living in a seniors home. I was  bothered by the fact that most of the “elderly” characters were younger than I am now! Did the author really think that that was an accurate representation of people in their 60s and 70s today? 

I don’t mind being called a senior. I’m happy to accept the discounts that go along with that and I certainly don’t mind the fact that the government has been paying me a monthly pension since I turned 65, but that doesn’t make me elderly.

This article explains the difference between senior and elderly in a way that sheds light on why I feel the way I do. “While “senior” is used to describe an age group, “elderly” refers to a matter of capability.” Senior denotes a person’s actual age, generally 65 or older, while elderly indicates diminishing ability due to aging. I may not be quite as spry as I once was, but I’m not there yet! In fact, I plan to go hiking today. 

It’s funny how our concept of age changes as we get older. When I was a child and my grandmother was younger than I am now, I certainly thought that she was OLD! When I started my teaching career, several colleagues who were nearing retirement seemed very old to me. Now I’m significantly older than they were then!

My grandmother when she was younger than I am now. 

Aging is a natural process and one we ought to embrace. One would hope that with age, we’ve gained experience and wisdom. It’s just that word elderly that I’m not ready to embrace yet!

9 signs that I might be 70 going on 40

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Earlier this week, I played a round of golf with a group of younger women who were astounded to learn that I’m over 70. That got me thinking about a recent post by one of my favourite bloggers, Pamela Lutrell of Over 50 Feeling 40. Pam, who is the same age as I am, shared a very interesting article, 9 signs you’re 70 going on 40 — without even trying by Avery White, and then wrote a self evaluation based on the author’s 9 points. Today, I thought I’d do likewise.

I want to preface my personal evaluation by saying that I’m not interested in trying to look younger than I am. I love the introduction to White’s article… “There’s something magnetic about people who’ve crossed into their 70s but still radiate the spark, wit, and energy of someone thirty years younger. They’re not desperately clinging to youth or chasing trends — they’re just… alive. Fully, authentically alive. And they don’t even seem to be trying.” That’s definitely something I aspire to.

So let’s see how I’m doing.

1. You keep learning just for the thrill of it.

I think I’m doing very well in this category. I consider myself a lifelong learner with a love of reading and a passion for research. 50 years ago, I was that odd student in university who loved researching and writing papers and I haven’t really changed.

We live in an ever changing world, but even in my 70s, I try to keep up with new technology. Like Esther of the Old Testament, I believe that I was born “for such a time as this” and that it behooves me to learn to use the tools of today (although I do have to call on my more tech savvy offspring for help from time to time!)

2. You move because it feels good—not to punish yourself.

Again, I’d give myself an excellent mark in this area. I exercise for about 20 minutes before I leave the bedroom Monday to Friday mornings and I’m striving to walk at least 5 days a week, which reminds me that I’m very thankful to each one of you who has contributed to my Hoofing It fundraiser for neuroendocrine cancer research! I also enjoy bowling during the winter and hiking, kayaking, and playing golf in the summer.

I exercise, not because I’m trying to look younger or to achieve a perfect body, but simply because it feels good and because I believe in the old adage “use it or lose it”.

3. You don’t obsess over your age.

I really don’t. In fact, I’m proud of my age. When I was diagnosed with cancer 12 years ago, I had no expectation that I’d reach my 70s, so I’m just very thankful to be here. My age doesn’t define me and for the most part, it doesn’t limit me although I do get a bit frustrated when I can’t hit a golf ball as far as I used to!

4. You say yes more than no.

I’m not sure that I actually agree with this one. As I wrote in this post earlier this month, it’s okay to say no and to be able to do so without feeling guilty. I like to be spontaneous and I do say yes to lots of things, but I also know my limits and try not to overdo.

5. You have friends of all ages.

This has always been true of me, but these days most of my friends are younger than me, some as young as my own children. Sadly, some of my more elderly friends have passed away in recent years.

6. You laugh easily—especially at yourself.

I don’t know about laughter being the best medicine, but apparently it really is good for our health. According to the Mayo Clinic, one of my first go-tos for all things medical, “When it comes to relieving stress, more giggles and guffaws are just what the doctor ordered.” Knowing that, I admit that I probably don’t laugh as much as I should, but I’m definitely able to laugh at myself. Worrying less about what other people think is one of the benefits of aging for most of us and I certainly don’t embarrass as easily as I did when I was younger.

7. You still chase new goals—even small ones.

I think this fits well with #1, being a lifelong learner. I am always ready to try something new and while I don’t have a written bucket list, there are certainly a few things in the back of my mind that I haven’t done yet.

8. You don’t over-nostalgize.

I definitely do not live in the past. Parts of it are much too painful and dwelling there would rob me of joy. Instead, while trying to learn from the mistakes of the past, I try to live in the present and look forward to the future.

9. You make people feel seen.

As an introvert, this final point is one where I might give myself a failing mark, but it’s something that I’ve been consciously working on. Wherever I happen to be, I try to notice the people around me. Sometimes I simply smile as I pass by, but I’ve started to look for opportunities to offer a genuine compliment or an encouraging word. This is especially true when I’m in the cancer clinic where I know that people are often feeling stressed or overwhelmed and really need to feel seen.

Whether you’re in your 70s or not, do you recognize yourself in any of these points? One of Avery White’s final thoughts wraps up the topic perfectly. “The truest kind of agelessness comes from your mindset, your curiosity, your willingness to stay engaged — with people, with ideas, with life itself.”

Judith Viorst: Embracing age with style

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After writing about heavier topics the past couple of Fridays, I wanted to write something lighter this week and I really felt like it was time for another fashion related post. Earlier in the week, I was still thinking about what to write when Pam Lutrell shared a link to an article on her blog, Over50Feeling40, that caught my attention.

If you’re like me, you might be familiar with the children’s book, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, but what I didn’t know was that the author, Judith Viorst, has published at least 50 books, many for children, but some for older readers. In fact, I didn’t really know anything about Viorst until I read the article, At 94, I’m Still Worth Looking At.

It was fun to read about her “looks” throughout the years. There was her Greenwich Village Girl look in her 20s followed by her With-It Mommy look in her 30s. Later came her Hat Lady years when she seldom went out without a hat from her vast collection. Hats, she says, flattered her face, drew attention away from her aging body, and hid her hair on bad hair days. I can identify with that! Now 94, she says she’s not finished finding new looks yet. Her newest look is Tattooed Grandma. No, she hasn’t gone under the needle. Instead, she wears a temporary tattoo of a rose on the side of her neck, slightly below her right ear. Each tattoo lasts about a week.

I hope I look half as good if I live to be 94!

But what really resonated with me was what Viorst had to say about aging and invisibility, something I’ve written about before on the blog. She asks, “Why does it feel so important to be seen? Aren’t there more meaningful things to think about, to read about, to do?” She writes about people who feel that attention to looks will “obscure and distract us from what is truly significant”. In response she writes, “But the people I love the most embrace what’s playful and fun as well as what’s profound. Celebrate as well as cogitate. And are willing to discuss, without apology, both eyeliner and the meaning of the universe.”

I love that! In times like these when the world seems upside down and sometimes tragedy hits close to home, regardless of our age, let’s not forget to embrace both the serious and the fun side of life. Right now, I’m looking for joy in the little things. In the coming of spring. In the tiny green shoots coming up in the garden beneath my kitchen window and the teeny, tiny buds forming on the trees.

Returning to the stage!

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For many years, community theatre was a big part of my life, but the last time I was on the stage was pre-COVID. By the time the pandemic restrictions were lifted and our local theatre group began working on another play, I had moved on to other pursuits. For their next two plays, I was a member of the audience which definitely felt weird! 

Then early last fall there was an audition call that I absolutely could not pass up. For twenty years or more, the group had been talking about doing a musical, but we just didn’t have the talent necessary to pull it off. That has changed, however, and Flagstaff Players had finally decided to tackle Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. I didn’t even stop to think about whether or not I could fit this into my schedule. I had to do it!

I am not particularly musical, but I can carry a tune in a group and I’ll be singing in the women’s chorus. This is the largest cast we’ve ever had and I have the honour of being the oldest member! For me, one of the the greatest joys of acting in community theatre has been sharing the stage with some of my former students. This time, not only am I doing that, but the youngest member of the women’s chorus is the teenage daughter of a former student! Does that make me feel old? Not really! Being part of a production like this absolutely energizes me and I didn’t realize until this week that I’m probably old enough to be the mother or grandmother of every other member of the chorus! That’s okay; I’m sure there were older women in Canaan and Egypt. After all, Joseph lived to be 110 and his father, Jacob, died at 147!

There are a lot of superstitions connected with the theatre. Many stage actors swear that a bad dress rehearsal means that opening night will go well. Our final dress rehearsal on Wednesday wasn’t bad, but there were certainly some little glitches that we are keen to correct. Tonight is opening night and we are ready! We’ll be doing four shows in total; two this weekend and two next. If you’re local, I hope to see you there!  

Live with it and love it

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My baby turned 40 this week. In fact, because my “Irish twins” are less than a year apart in age, his sister is also 40! And they’re my youngest! Is it any wonder that I’ve been thinking about age this week? Either I’m getting old or they’re catching up to me!

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In reality, I’m not bothered by my age. Surprised maybe. Time seems to have gone by so quickly. But bothered? No.

For as long as I can remember, advertising has been hoodwinking women into believing that we lose value as we age; that our goal in life should be to hang on to youth or the appearance of youth for as long as we can. Hogwash! I like what Helen Mirren, who celebrated her 79th birthday this week, had to say about age. “At every age, you lose some things but you gain other things. That’s the kind of magic that happens, so deal with it. You either die young, or you get old. Enjoy the ride!” In this short video she says her age has always been an asset and her advice is to all of us is to “live with it and love it.”

While I’m happy to be the age that I am, especially considering the fact that when I was first diagnosed with cancer I had no expectation that I would live this long, that doesn’t mean that I want to look old. I just don’t want to waste my time and energy trying to look young when I’m not. I simply want to be my authentic self, a woman in her 70s who loves life and hasn’t given up on herself. I’m sure that many of you can identify with that. 

So how do we accomplish this? Thinking about what you want your appearance to say about you and choosing 3 to 5 adjectives to describe your personal style can be very helpful in building a look that conveys the right message. You can read about how I arrived at my 5 style adjectives here. 

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Farewell to a fashion icon

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I usually only post about fashion on Fridays, but I didn’t want to wait a whole week to acknowledge yesterday’s passing of one of fashion’s most colourful personalities. 

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American fashion icon, Iris Apfel, famous for her eclectic style and her oversized glasses, was 102 years old! Born on August 29, 1921, Apfel was renowned for her irreverent, eye catching outfits mixing high end fashion with flea market finds and oversized costume jewelry and always, those big, round, black-rimmed glasses! 

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Apfel was an interior designer and an expert on textiles and antique fabrics. She and her husband, Carl, who passed away in 2015 at age 100, owned the textile manufacturing company, Old World Weavers, and specialized in restoration. Their work included projects at the White House under six different American presidents. 

In 2005, the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s Costume Institute in New York City hosted an exhibition about Apfel called Rara Avis, Latin for “rare bird”, and that she most certainly was! The museum described her this way, “An American original in the truest sense, Iris Apfel is one of the most vivacious personalities in the worlds of fashion, textiles, and interior design, and over the past 40 years, she has cultivated a personal style that is both witty and exuberantly idiosyncratic.”

Apfel never stopped working. She modelled for Vogue in 2018, the same year Mattel made a silver-haired Barbie in her name. The following year, at age 97, she landed a modelling contract with IMG Models. “I’m a total workaholic, but never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be a cover girl in my nineties,” she told The Times of London, but cover girl she was several times over. At age 99, she curated a line of home products for Lowe’s and partnered with Zenni Optical to offer frames in her favourite eyewear shapes and styles. She also teamed up with Etsy to offer “Iris Apfel’s Fashion Favorites” on the online marketplace.

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Here are just a few of the words of wisdom that Iris Apfel offered about fashion and style…

“Fashion you can buy, but style you possess. The key to style is learning who you are, which takes years. There’s no how-to road map to style. It’s about self expression and, above all, attitude.”

“Everybody should find her own way. I’m a great one for individuality. I don’t like trends. If you get to learn who you are and what you look like and what you can handle, you’ll know what to do.”

“People should try to personalize their own outfits. It gives them a chance to be a bit creative and then they don’t look like everyone else. I think the biggest fashion faux pas these days is looking into the mirror and seeing somebody else. It doesn’t work. You’ve got to know who you are.”

“I say dress to please yourself. Listen to your inner muse and take a chance. Wear something that says: “Here I am!” today.”

“I’m not pretty, and I’ll never be pretty, but it doesn’t matter. I have something much better. I have style.” 

Yes, Iris, you most certainly did! 

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Isabella Rossellini and I – this is what 71 looks like!

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I turned 71 yesterday, so I was intrigued to discover that Italian actress and model, Isabella Rossellini, who is also 71, is featured on the cover of this month’s issue of Italian Vogue.

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Even more delightful is the fact that the photo hasn’t been retouched! No photoshopping to eliminate the visible signs of aging.

Isabella is no stranger to ageism. At the age of 43, when she was dropped by Lancôme in favour of younger models, she was told that advertisements represent women’s dreams, not reality, and that women dream of looking young. More than 20 years later, in her mid 60s, she was invited back; perhaps a hopeful sign that there are positive changes taking place in the beauty industry.

Of course, for the magazine cover, Rossellini had the benefit of professional makeup artists, photographer, and lighting, but I also love the more natural look of this photo that she posted on Instagram recently.

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That’s a look that I can identify with; the look of a woman who is comfortable in her own skin, wrinkles and all. Born with scoliosis, Rossellini has had two major and very painful back surgeries. The idea of having surgery to alter her looks actually scares her. She isn’t interested in Botox injections either. She has a 28-acre organic farm on Long Island, New York and eats organic food, not to look younger, but to preserve her health. She says that doing Botox would completely contradict her chosen lifestyle.

Although she eschews cosmetic surgery and other attempts at hiding her age, Rossellini has been attentive to caring for her skin since she was a child. Her routine includes an eye cream, a face cream, and sunscreen. I, too, am diligent about skin care. In the morning, I wash my face with warm water and apply a day lotion with SPF 15 and UVA/UVB sun protection. At bedtime, I use a creamy facial cleanser with gentle exfoliants followed by a night cream. While I’ve been doing this since I was in my early 30s, I now use products that are specifically designed for maturing skin. I’m also very conscientious about using an SPF 50+ broad spectrum sunscreen whenever I spend much time outdoors.

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And there’s my without the benefit of professional assistance, just turned 71, wrinkles and scars, unretouched photo! Though I’m half blind without my glasses, I removed them so that they don’t hide anything.

Today, on my second day of being 71, I’m very thankful for role models like Isabella Rossellini; strong, elegant women who embrace their age and defy societal pressure to try to look younger than they actually are!

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Opposite views of aging

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Logo by SamSince reading Breaking the Age Code and featuring it as my July Book of the Month, I’ve been doing what the author, Dr. Becca Levy, suggested and looking more closely at the messages that I see about aging in the media, in advertising, and on social media. While this topic is much broader than just fashion, I think it’s appropriate for a Friday post because so much of what we see about age is directed at women and their appearance. Take the article that I saw posted on Facebook recently for example. “40+ Short Haircut Tips and Styles That Make Us Look 20 Years Younger”  sounds innocent enough until you ask yourself, why should we want to look 20 years younger? What’s wrong with looking 40, 50, or even 80? The message is that young is good, young is beautiful, and old is not. 

Thankfully, there are positive messages to be found too. “72 is the new 30! Get fit at any age along with this 72 year old fitness star!” implores an ad for an online fitness program. Scientists claim that life expectancy has increased to such an extent that a 72-year-old person today has the same probability of dying as a 30-year-old primitive hunter-gatherer would have had. Hence the saying, 72 is the new 30. That’s good news, I think, but the real message of the ad is that at 72 we can still be active and physically fit.

In contrast, look at this meme taken from Facebook.

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What? We’re old and washed up at 50? Maybe this is supposed to be funny, but it’s exactly the kind of self-defeating, negative message about aging that Dr. Levy wrote about.

Instead, here’s the kind of message we should be seeing.

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This the the kind of age belief that can add years to your life and quality to your years. In the long run, you’ll probably look better than the gal who’s lying on the heating pad eating nachos too!

Book of the month – July 2023

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Breaking The Age Code

Becca Levy, PhD

Screenshot 2023-07-14 at 10.05.53 PMHow would you like to extend your life by 7.5 years? According to Dr. Becca Levy, Yale professor and leading expert on the psychology of successful aging, you might be able to do just that!

Breaking the Age Code is a fascinating book that could literally revolutionize how you think about aging. Levy’s premise is that our age beliefs, what we think about older people and about getting older, influence how we age. She presents both factual evidence and interesting anecdotes showing that having positive age beliefs results in better physical and mental health in our senior years and actually extends life expectancy. This makes sense when you consider that having positive age beliefs promotes physical exercise as well as social and intellectual engagement and diminishes stress.

Unfortunately, we who live in North America and Europe are constantly bombarded with negative age beliefs. Even saying that someone is having a “senior moment” suggests that there is truth to the all too commonly accepted stereotype that our brains inevitably deteriorate as we get older. In reality, people of all ages experience these momentary memory lapses and there is tremendous variability in how our brains function as we age.

Breaking the Age Code presents us with easy-to-follow techniques for shifting our age beliefs from negative to positive. The first step involves becoming aware of our own age beliefs as well as recognizing the ageism that is so prevalent in our society. The book is also a call to stand up against ageism and its negative effects.

Not only is Becca Levy one of the world’s leading experts on aging and longevity, but she’s also a wonderful storyteller. Her book is both informative and inspiring and would be of benefit to readers of all ages, those who will be old someday and those who already are.

Book Club: The Next Chapter

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Logo by SamLast Sunday evening, hubby and I went out for dinner and a movie. Like the original film, Book Club: The Next Chapter is hardly Shakespearean drama, but sometimes we just want to be entertained. What could be better for that purpose than something silly and fun starring four stellar actresses of our generation – Jane Fonda, Diane Keaton, Candice Bergen and Mary Steenburgen?

As much as I enjoyed the antics of four lifelong friends on a late-in-life bachelorette trip to Italy, it was their wardrobes that captured my attention. Fashion plays a key role in the movie, the clothes reflecting the fact that these women in their 70s and 80s are vibrant, sexy, and full of life.

In case you didn’t see the first movie, let me introduce the characters with this photo from the 2018 rom com.

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On the left, Diane Keaton plays Diane, a widow. Yes, she kept her own name as well as her quirky fashion sense. And look at that… she’s wearing a jean jacket! If you read my last post, you’ll know that some people are of the opinion that a woman over 40 should never be seen in a jean jacket. Candice Bergen plays Sharon, a self-deprecating judge who has been divorced for many years. Vivian, a flamboyant hotel magnate, is played by Jane Fonda and Carol, a successfully married restauranteur is played by Mary Steenburgen.

In the sequel which takes place immediately after pandemic restrictions are lifted, Judge Sharon has retired, Carol’s restaurant has closed, and Vivian, who reconnected with an old beau in the first movie, is engaged. At their first in-person get together after the shutdown, they decide to fulfill a long-time dream and travel to Italy together.

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During their romp through Rome, Vivian wears a Bride to Be sash and veil over her leopard print blouse and the foursome visit a bridal salon where she tries on multiple wedding dresses. I wish I could show you an actual photo of 85-year-old Fonda rocking this amazing gown! She was as stunning as any young bride to be.

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Losing their luggage (but thankfully not the wedding dress) meant shopping and an opportunity to push the envelope and make their looks a bit more daring, more colourful and exuberant. Steenburgen, the youngster in the crowd at 70, looks fabulous in a daringly low cut red gown, but again, I couldn’t find a photo, so you’ll have to watch the movie to see that one.

Costume designer Stefano De Nardis clearly had fun with this movie. “To me, ‘age appropriate’ means being able to have a personal style and let it out through clothing. I believe more in ‘personality appropriate,’ than ‘age appropriate.’” he says.

The plot might be somewhat thin, but in our ageist, youth-obsessed culture, the message that life is not over when we hit 60, 70, or even 80 is an important one. Senior women (and men) are still very much alive, engaged, and an important part of society. So, why not dress like it?

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