I Am a Bacha Posh

Ukmina Manoori

The subtitle of this short, but intriguing memoir, My Life as a Woman Living as a Man in Afghanistan, tells much about the content of the book, but it could also be misleading to those of us living in western cultures. This is not a book about living a trans experience.

“You will be a son, my daughter.” With these stunning words young Ukmina learned that she was to spend the remainder of her childhood as a boy. This had nothing to do with gender confusion on her part. In Afghanistan’s heavily patriarchal, male-dominated society, it is customary for some families, especially those without sons, to choose a daughter to live, dress and behave as a boy, even taking on a boy’s name. These children are known as bacha posh which means “dressed up as a boy” in the Persian dialect, Dari.

Families have various reasons for making this choice and there are no statistics on how many families have daughters living as bacha posh. In most cases, due to the somewhat secretive nature of the practice, only the family, close friends, and necessary health and education officials know the bacha posh’s biological sex.

As a bacha posh, a girl has all the freedoms denied to her as a member of the female sex. Instead of staying at home cooking and cleaning, she can move about freely in public, attending school, running errands, playing sports, and sometimes finding work to help the family make ends meet.

Once a bacha posh reaches puberty, however, she is expected to revert to traditional female roles putting on the veil, staying at home unless accompanied by a male, and preparing for an early marriage. What makes Ukmina’s story unique is that when that time came, she refused. Confronting societal and family pressure, she continued to live as a man, not because of gender dysphoria, but because she doesn’t want to give up the the rights and privileges of a male in Afghan society.

Ukmina’s choice paved the way for an extraordinary destiny. She acted as a scout for the resistance when the Soviet Union invaded Afghanistan and ultimately commanded the respect of everyone she encountered. There did come a period of time when she lived in isolation and fear of the Taliban and even of some of her fellow villagers who didn’t agree with her life choices. Eventually, however, she entered politics and as an elected member of her provincial council, fights tirelessly to improve women’s rights.

Rather than telling you any more of her story, I’m simply going to share three quotations that I think wrap up Ukmina’s thoughts about her experience and the life of women in Afghanistan.

“Living in men’s clothing has given me a certain freedom. A life as a woman in Afghanistan is a life of destruction.”

“I say to myself that I have sacrificed nothing. I have done what I had to do. I became what I was. I found my destiny. And there is nothing I lack.”

“I also told myself that women were beautiful creatures of God. Men were cruel. I often asked Allah: “Give me the power of men and the kindness of women.””

If a novel about bacha posh would be more to your liking, I would highly recommend The Pearl That Broke Its Shell by Nadia Hashimi.