Month: October 2022

Fighting invisibility with fashion

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Logo by SamIf you haven’t read the first two instalments of this series about age related invisibility or Invisible Woman Syndrome, you can find them here and here. Today we’ll bring the series to a close by looking at how style can help us be more visible.

We could dress like 101-year-old style icon, Iris Apfel, but that might not be our best option!

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Instead, let’s begin by thinking about style adjectives. What do you want your appearance to say about you? I’m sure you wouldn’t pick words like old, tired, or boring. No! Instead, we want to tell the world around us that we are current, confident, approachable, and comfortable with who we are. So, how do we do that?

Notice that I didn’t include words like young, youthful, or trendy. We want to be noticed for who we are, not for trying to be something we’re not. Those of us who’ve been around for 50 years or more are never going to be young again, nor do most of us want to be, but great style is possible no matter how old you are. Pay attention to trends, but add them to your wardrobe judiciously. Stay abreast of what’s modern, fresh, and relevant, but consider adding bits that are on-trend to an otherwise classic wardrobe.

Vibrant, visible women ignore so-called fashion rules and dismiss antiquated ideas of what’s “age-appropriate”. Instead, wear what makes you feel confident and present. Wear what makes your heart sing! When you do that, you’ll walk into a room with a bounce in your step and your head held high and people will notice. Being visible is about more than what you wear; it’s about attitude!

Don’t be afraid to wear colour. Neutrals might form the core of your wardrobe, but you don’t want to look drab. Even a small pop of colour can add interest and visibility to an outfit. Just make sure that you know which colours suit your skin tone and wear those close to your face.

Play with accessories. A statement necklace, an interesting bracelet, a colourful scarf, or a unique handbag will help you stand out.

Finally, wear a smile! It’s an inexpensive fashion accessory that’s available to everyone! Research has actually shown that people who smile regularly appear more confident and are more likely to be approached by others.

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And it doesn’t cost a cent!

You don’t have to be invisible

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In yesterday’s post, I mentioned that 7 out of 10 women feel that they become invisible as they get older. Personally, however, that hasn’t been my experience, so I’ve been asking myself why. Why, at 70, don’t I feel invisible?

In spite of the fact that I’m naturally an introvert, I’ve learned to live my life out loud. Writing the blog has helped a lot with that. I’ve also taken to heart my father’s teaching that there’s no end of interesting things to do in retirement as long as you don’t need to be paid. I live a busy and productive life. 

Positive vibrant women aren’t invisible, but remaining visible as we age does require energy and intention. Here are some tips that might help:

  • Be interested and interesting. 
  • Live audaciously. Don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and try something new.  
  • Stay actively involved in life.
  • Be curious. Ask questions and continue learning.
  • The world is constantly changing, but try to keep up! Even if you don’t use all of the latest technology, keep moving forward and don’t live in the past. 
  • Reading or watching the news can be depressing, but you need to know what’s going on and be able to discuss it.
  • Show an interest in people of all ages.
  • Maintain connection with interesting people; people who “see you”, who hear and respect you, who inspire you, and who value your input.
  • Be positive and engaging. Initiate conversation with those who don’t seem to notice you.
  • Learn to be upfront about what you want or need. Speaking up and making yourself heard comes easier for those who are extroverts, but we can all do it and the more you try the easier it will become.

Although women tend to experience age related invisibility more often and at a younger age than men do, these suggestions apply equally to both genders. No one should accept being made to feel inconsequential!

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In tomorrow’s Fashion Friday post I plan to bring this series to an end by looking at visibility and style. I hope you’ll join me.

Do you feel invisible?

/ edebock / 2 Comments

“One’s reward for marching through the decades is a gradual process of erasure.”                                  The Book of Lost Names, Kristin Harmel

If you’re an older woman, whatever you define that to be, have you ever been made to feel invisible? Maybe you’ve been overlooked for a project or a promotion at work. Maybe you’ve felt unseen when you entered a restaurant, a garage, or another place of business. Perhaps you’ve been ignored while younger customers received all the attention from shop attendants. Maybe you’ve felt invisible at a social or family event. If you’ve ever felt this way, you’re not alone! There’s even a name for it, Invisible Woman Syndrome.

A survey by Gransnet, a busy social networking site for people over 50, revealed that 7 out of 10 women feel that they become invisible as they get older, beginning as young as age 52. Nearly two-thirds believe that older women tend to be more invisible than men of the same age. Nearly two-fifths of the respondents said that younger people have patronized them as they’ve gotten older and a quarter said that if they’re out with a younger person, people tend to talk to the younger person rather than to them.

Many of these women are well educated and have interesting careers. They may be well traveled and involved in a variety of worthwhile activities, so why are they made to feel invisible? What is it about an older woman that society finds unpalatable? Why does she lose relevance as her body ages?

Unfortunately, age discrimination is real, especially for women, but it’s more than that. Ageism walks hand in hand with sexism. Older men are often seen as powerful and distinguished; their grey hair a sign of knowledge and experience. Women, on the other hand, often feel pressured to appear younger than they are in order to be taken seriously.

Personally, I’ve really only noticed the onset of age related invisibility in one area. I no longer have to put up with the unwanted and sometimes inappropriate sexual attention from men that seems to go along with being a younger woman. I see that as positive, but it doesn’t work in favour of those older women without partners who are interested in dating and forging relationships with members of the opposite sex. Too often, they go unseen while older men look instead at women who are twenty years younger.

So, do we simply accept being invisible? Short of jumping up and down and screaming, “CAN’T YOU SEE ME?” what can we do to be more visible? In order to keep this post from becoming too long, that will be the topic of tomorrow’s post. In the meantime, though, I’d really like to hear your thoughts about this topic. What has your experience been? If you don’t feel comfortable sharing here, please feel free to email me at elainedebock@gmail.com.

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Artwork by Hanna Sidorowicz

New red coat

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Logo by SamToday’s Fashion Friday post is later than usual because we’ve been having internet woes. Fortunately, they appear to have been resolved, at least for the moment, so let’s get this out there before something goes wrong again!

After writing about second-hand shopping for the entire month of September, I wasn’t planning to mention it again for awhile, but then I found a treasure!

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I was already planning to replace a similar charcoal grey coat that I’ve had since the fall of 2007 when I found this one in one of our local thrift stores. After fifteen years of serving me well, the old coat was beginning to show its age and for some reason, it didn’t fit quite as well as it once did. Okay… perhaps I should admit to having gained a few pounds over those years! 

I was prepared to pay full price for a new coat, but when I could get a beautiful Calvin Klein jacket that looked like it had never been worn for just $7, why in the world would I? A similar CK coat sells here for $129 USD or approximately $180 in Canadian dollars. 

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If I’d bought the jacket in a regular shop, I would probably have tried on one size smaller for comparison purposes. Buying second-hand, of course, that isn’t an option, but I like the fact that the coat is roomy enough to wear over a bulky sweater in cold weather. I wouldn’t want the fit to be as snug as the old one is now!

A coat like this one is perfect for early winter and early spring here in Canada. The fabric is 70% wool, 20% nylon, and 10% recycled cashmere and it’s fully lined with polyester. In the depth of winter, I’ll be wearing the much warmer coat that I showed you here. 

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Inspired to try cream

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No, not in my coffee! I don’t even drink coffee.

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Greetje, Dutch writer of the blog, No Fear of Fashion, usually wears bright, bold colours, but she recently published this post about a monochromatic cream outfit. I was immediately inspired to try a similar look from my own closet.

As I mentioned last week, those of us whose skin has warm undertones look ghastly (or perhaps, ghostly) if we wear white close to our faces, but we can wear off-white and cream.

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It wasn’t until I saw the photos that I realized that this outfit didn’t work. Can you see why? In real life, the sweater isn’t quite as pink as it looks here. I’d actually call the colour oatmeal, but it is a pinkish cream whereas the pants are more yellowish. To my eye, at least, they don’t go well together.

That sent me back to my closet to see what else I could find.

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I traded the cream chinos for this comfy old pair of soft corduroy pants. No longer cream; more like café au lait, but this is an outfit that works for me. The sweater is the same thrifted maternity sweater that you saw two weeks ago in my Second Hand September wrap-up post. I tried adding a pop of colour with a scarf at my waist as Greetje did, but that didn’t work with the length of my sweater, so I wore one at my neck instead. That’s the thing about finding inspiration in what other women wear. It’s not about copying. My final outfit doesn’t actually look much like Greetje’s, but she planted the idea and I worked with it.

I still think that I could wear a monochromatic cream outfit. I just don’t have the right pieces in my wardrobe. Apparently Diane Keaton does though. Here’s a photo of her that I came across while I was thinking about writing this post. I absolutely love her coat!

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Logo by Sam

Fashion rules I don’t follow

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Logo by SamWhen I asked awhile ago what you’d like to read about on the blog, one reader suggested a post about fashion rules I don’t follow. That’s a great idea because, as British fashion designer and couturier, Alexander McQueen, is quoted as saying, “It’s a new era in fashion, there are no rules. It’s all about individual and personal style.” 

Don’t wear white after Labour Day

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No one seems to know for sure how or why this became a rule, but regardless of its origin, it’s outdated and very few people actually follow it anymore. Personally, in spite of the fact that many fashion influencers insist that every woman’s closet should contain at least one white button-up shirt, mine does not. If your skin has warm undertones, as mine does, wearing white close to your face at any time of year will make you look tired or washed out. I love my white jeans, however, and as you’ve seen in recent posts, I certainly didn’t stop wearing them after Labour Day. I wouldn’t want to wear them during wet, sloppy weather when rain might cause spots on them or worse yet, they might get splashed with mud, but once the temperature is consistently below freezing, I might try them with ankle boots or my tall brown boots.

Don’t wear black with brown 

When I was growing up, there were lots of rules about colour combinations. For example, we were taught that “blue and green should never be seen” and yet navy and emerald look striking together. Don’t pair brown with black was another popular rule, but there are many shades of brown that go beautifully with black. After all, leopards have worn this colour scheme for eons! They look great doing it and leopard print is consistently a popular fashion print. Brown is very much on-trend for fall 2022 and I’m guessing that we’ll see plenty of it worn with black. Like white, however, wearing black close to my face drains me, so when I do wear this colour combination, black will usually be on the bottom and brown on top.

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Don’t mix patterns

While some fashionistas like to mix bold and colourful patterns, I’m more conservative, so while I definitely will mix patterns, there are a few guidelines that I like to follow. Keeping the fabrics within one colour family is a simple way to keep from looking like I got dressed in the dark! I also like to vary the size of the prints. Some patterns mix much more easily than others. In the world of mixing and matching, stripes are considered a neutral because they will go with almost anything. Grid patterns and polka dots also mix well with other patterns.

Don’t wear horizontal stripes

When I was young, we were told that wearing horizontal stripes would make us look fat, while vertical stripes would make us look taller and thinner. It turns out that this fashion advice was actually wrong. According the the Helmholtz illusion, horizontal stripes won’t make you look fatter. In fact, they may even make you look thinner! Since I was always skinny and tall for my age anyway, I disregarded this fashion rule long before I knew whether or not it was based on fact. If you’ve following my blog for very long, you know how much I love a Breton striped t-shirt!

Don’t wear double denim

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We call this a Canadian tuxedo! When I wear head to toe denim, I like to mix darker and lighter washes.

Don’t mix gold and silver jewelry

When I was young I wore only gold jewelry. I instinctively knew that it looked better with my complexion than silver did. With the passage of time, however, I began to notice a change. When silver streaks began to appear in my hair, I also began to add silver jewelry to my collection. I particularly like pieces that combine both metals.

Make sure your purse matches your shoes

For a very formal occasion, I might consider matching dressy black shoes with a black evening purse, but who am I fooling? I don’t remember the last time I attended an occasion like that! In real life, I’m pretty much a one bag goes everywhere girl. In the summer and when I travel, I like a handbag that’s big enough to  carry my camera, sunglasses, and sunscreen in addition to all the usual items found in my purse. At this time of year, I usually switch to something a little smaller and more structured. My latest choice is taupe and it doesn’t match a single pair of shoes in my wardrobe!

Always wear stockings with dresses and skirts

Not long ago, no respectable woman would be seen wearing a skirt without hose, but thankfully, that’s another fashion rule that’s gone out of style! I’m old enough to remember wearing a garter belt to hold up my stockings and no, my dear younger readers, it wasn’t sexy! It was annoying and uncomfortable! The introduction of pantyhose in the mid 1960s was revolutionary, but the freedom to go bare legged is even better!

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The key thing to keep in mind in this era of no rules is that you should wear whatever makes you feel happy and confident. If you feel uncomfortable mixing patterns, don’t do it. If you prefer to wear stockings with a dress, by all means do. That’s the beauty of no hard and fast rules! On the other hand, if you’ve always followed a rule simply because you thought you were supposed to, maybe it’s time to say “no” to that rule and “yes” to your finding own individual style.

70!

/ edebock / 29 Comments

Today is the day that I’ve been looking forward to for a long time… my 70th birthday! When I was diagnosed with my first cancer nine years ago, I didn’t expect to live to see this day, but here I am and it feels like a victory!

Months ago, I began to think about what I wanted to do to celebrate this milestone. Being an avid traveler, the first thing that came to mind was a trip. I visualized us packing a suitcase and climbing aboard a plane for the first time in over three years. Where would we go? The possibilities were endless, but Newfoundland was high on my list. We’d explore its rugged landscape, visit isolated coastal villages, and eat our fill of fresh seafood! Yes, Newfoundland was a definite possibility.

Then came hubby’s cancer diagnosis and the all-important consultation with a specialist to determine whether or not he’d be able to have surgery was booked for October 4. So, we’d be in Edmonton, not Newfoundland or some other more exotic location. The iconic “going to Winnipeg” ad that used to air on Canadian TV came to mind.

Oh well, there are lots of things to do in Edmonton. I looked into booking a hot air balloon ride as that’s been on my unwritten bucket list for a long time. We’d enjoy the fall colours in the river valley as we drifted silently over the city and then we’d sip champagne when we came back to earth. Unfortunately, however, the hot air balloon season closed last week! I’d have to think of something else. 

Then came Covid and even the long awaited doctor’s appointment had to be postponed. So here we are at home, doing nothing but watching rain fall outside the window! Earlier in the week, I felt pretty depressed about the lack of a plan for celebrating this special day, but we’re both feeling better and we’ve put in our five plus days of isolation. Regardless of where we are (or aren’t) and what we’re doing (or not doing) I’m 70 and I’m excited to be here! 

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Now, what will I do with the rest of this day?