Women’s issues

More than your appearance

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Logo by SamI’ve written about today’s topic before, but the beginning of a new year seems to be a good time to revisit it. As women, we are constantly bombarded by air brushed images promising us thinner bodies, younger looking skin, flawless complexions, lusher lashes, smoother lips, and glossy nails. How easy it is to forget that these are simply advertisements aimed at selling products. For many, they become the goal, the standard of beauty, and they go to great lengths to try to attain it. But do these things truly make us beautiful? What about clothes? Does beauty come from wearing the right brands and the latest trends? I think not!

A nasty, mean-spirited woman dressed in designer clothes and made up impeccably, is still mean and nasty. Unless something happens to transform her from the inside out, that ill-tempered spirit will soon become evident and we will see through her attractive appearance.

The Bible tells us  “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.” 1 Peter 3:3-4a

Does this mean that a woman shouldn’t concern herself with style, dress in fine clothes, wear elaborate jewelry or use make-up. Absolutely not! It simply says that her true beauty shouldn’t depend on these things. It ought to come from within.

Stephanie Lahart, inspirational author of Overcoming Life’s Obstacles, puts it this way:  “Her outer beauty is just a bonus, but it is her inner beauty that’s most captivating. She’s loving, caring, kindhearted, empathetic, and genuine. She’s comfortable in her own skin, therefore, she’s able to compliment, celebrate, and build up others around her. She’s a quality woman with a strong sense of self! She doesn’t need the spotlight, because she is the light wherever she goes. Smart, confident, ambitious, and fearless… Beautifully created from the inside out.”

Being beautiful on the inside is about how you treat other people, but it’s also about how you nurture yourself. What do you tell yourself when you look in the mirror? Instead of berating yourself for your physical flaws (we all have them!) try acknowledging something positive about yourself, something that you’re proud of, something that makes you feel good. Appreciate your uniqueness. Don’t try to hide your authentic self or be someone you’re not. As much as possible, surround yourself with positive people who encourage you to be the best that you can be. Choose role models, not for their outward appearance, but for who they are on the inside. And finally, practice gratitude.

In 2024, let’s have fun with fashion, but let’s focus on being more than just our appearance!

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Book of the Month – September 2023

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I Am a Bacha Posh

Ukmina Manoori

9781629146812-usThe subtitle of this short, but intriguing memoir, My Life as a Woman Living as a Man in Afghanistan, tells much about the content of the book, but it could also be misleading to those of us living in western cultures. This is not a book about living a trans experience.

“You will be a son, my daughter.” With these stunning words young Ukmina learned that she was to spend the remainder of her childhood as a boy. This had nothing to do with gender confusion on her part. In Afghanistan’s heavily patriarchal, male-dominated society, it is customary for some families, especially those without sons, to choose a daughter to live, dress and behave as a boy, even taking on a boy’s name. These children are known as bacha posh which means “dressed up as a boy” in the Persian dialect, Dari.

Families have various reasons for making this choice and there are no statistics on how many families have daughters living as bacha posh. In most cases, due to the somewhat secretive nature of the practice, only the family, close friends, and necessary health and education officials know the bacha posh’s biological sex.

As a bacha posh, a girl has all the freedoms denied to her as a member of the female sex. Instead of staying at home cooking and cleaning, she can move about freely in public, attending school, running errands, playing sports, and sometimes finding work to help the family make ends meet.

Once a bacha posh reaches puberty, however, she is expected to revert to traditional female roles putting on the veil, staying at home unless accompanied by a male, and preparing for an early marriage. What makes Ukmina’s story unique is that when that time came, she refused. Confronting societal and family pressure, she continued to live as a man, not because of gender dysphoria, but because she doesn’t want to give up the the rights and privileges of a male in Afghan society.

Ukmina’s choice paved the way for an extraordinary destiny. She acted as a scout for the resistance when the Soviet Union invaded Afghanistan and ultimately commanded the respect of everyone she encountered. There did come a period of time when she lived in isolation and fear of the Taliban and even of some of her fellow villagers who didn’t agree with her life choices. Eventually, however, she entered politics and as an elected member of her provincial council, fights tirelessly to improve women’s rights.

Rather than telling you any more of her story, I’m simply going to share three quotations that I think wrap up Ukmina’s thoughts about her experience and the life of women in Afghanistan.

“Living in men’s clothing has given me a certain freedom. A life as a woman in Afghanistan is a life of destruction.”

“I say to myself that I have sacrificed nothing. I have done what I had to do. I became what I was. I found my destiny. And there is nothing I lack.”

“I also told myself that women were beautiful creatures of God. Men were cruel. I often asked Allah: “Give me the power of men and the kindness of women.””

If a novel about bacha posh would be more to your liking, I would highly recommend The Pearl That Broke Its Shell by Nadia Hashimi.

International Women’s Day 2021

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Today is International Women’s Day. It saddens me that we should even need to set aside a day to focus on women’s rights, to remind the world that women deserve equality. It was never meant to be this way. 

I’ve been focusing a lot on what the Bible has to say about womanhood in recent weeks as I’ve started leading a ladies Bible study on women of the Bible. The very first statement about women in the Bible comes in the first chapter of Genesis. Verses 27-31 say: 

So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.” Then God said, “I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds in the sky and all the creatures that move along the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every green plant for food.” And it was so. God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. 

Do you see what I see? First of all, we’re told that God created men and women in His own image! Both were meant to be His image bearers. Second, He gave both of them dominion over and responsibility for His creation. It was a joint assignment. God did not give men dominion over women! That was never His intention. And finally, God saw all that He had made, and it was very good. His plan was equality for men and women and it was very good. 

In chapter 2 of Genesis we’re given a more detailed creation story. Verse 18 says, “The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” The King James Version of the Bible uses the words help meet to describe the woman’s role. “Meet” is an archaic adjective meaning suitable or proper, so the phrase simply means a suitable helper. Perhaps this is where the idea that men should dominate came from, but that was never God’s intent. In the original language, the word translated as helper or help meet was ezer. Ezer is a word that appears 21 times in the Old Testament; twice in Genesis for the woman, 3 times for nations to whom Israel appealed for military aid, and 16 times to refer to God as Israel’s helper, their shield and defence. It was used consistently in a military context. That hardly brings to mind a meek or subservient helper! Perhaps strong helper would be a better translation. 

Sadly, God’s plan for a partnership between men and women didn’t play out in human history. It didn’t take long for the relationship to deteriorate to the point where women were simply possessions of their fathers or husbands, barely a step above their livestock. Their primary role was to serve the men in their lives and to produce sons to carry on their husband’s family line. 

These may be radical thoughts for a woman who attends a patriarchal church, but I’ve always been a bit of a rebel and women’s issues have been a passion of mine for a very long time. The reality is that we need to do much more than set aside one day a year to draw attention to the plight of women worldwide. It is something that needs to be addressed 365 days of the year! 

As long as there are places on this planet where parents sell their daughters because they can’t afford to feed them, where girls walk an average of 6 kilometres a day to collect clean water for their households, where they are denied education, where they are forced to undergo female genital mutilation and/or forced into child marriage, we must do more than celebrate the social, economic, cultural, and political achievements of women on International Women’s Day. It’s easy to turn a blind eye to the atrocities inflicted on women in foreign lands when they aren’t happening in our own backyard, but there are women living in abject poverty in Canada, the United States, and other developed countries. Objectifying and exploiting women is still alive and well in our culture. Violence against women is still prevalent. Human trafficking happens in our own neighbourhoods.  

Though the situation may have improved over the years, women have yet to achieve equality in the workplace. As a current example, women are at the forefront of the battle against Covid-19 as front-line and health sector workers, scientists, doctors and caregivers, yet according to a UN report, they get paid 11 percent less globally than their male counterparts!  

What, then, can we do to press for progress for women? First of all, we need to educate ourselves, to look beyond our comfortable lives and become aware of what the issues are and which reputable organizations are working to change them. If you’re serious about wanting to have an impact on the lives of women around the world, I would suggest that you begin by reading Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide, by Pulitzer Prize winning journalists Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn. This book was a life changer for me. Kristof and WuDunn are upfront and clear; they hope to recruit their readers to get involved, to become a part of a movement to emancipate and empower women by helping provide the economic resources that can help transform their lives.  Half the Sky not only inspires the reader to get involved, it gives many suggestions how.

It was after reading Half the Sky that I began making micro loans to women in third world countries through Kiva, the world’s first online micro-lending platform. It’s one small step, but it’s something I can do. Kiva is a non-profit organization that allows a person to lend as little as $25 to a specific low-income entrepreneur in one of 77 countries around the world. When a loan is repaid, the money can be withdrawn or used to fund a new loan. I choose to lend to women with children at home. All too often, money in the hands of men goes to alcohol and prostitution but in the hands of women, it nurtures children, feeds families and promotes education.

It’s International Women’s Day. What will you do? 

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It’s all about pockets

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LogoHave you ever wondered why women carry purses and men don’t? It’s all about pockets… and history.

Pockets as we know them didn’t come into being until the 17th century. Prior to that time, both men and women wore bags tied to their waists or suspended from belts, a bit like modern day fanny packs. As the world became more urban and criminals more sophisticated, people began to hide these “pockets” under layers of clothing to keep their contents safe from pickpockets.

Victoria and Albert Museum

Woman’s “pockets” – mid 1700s – Victoria and Albert Museum, London

In the late 17th century, pockets began to be permanently sewn into men’s coats, waistcoats, and trousers. Women, however, continued to wear bags hidden beneath their dresses. These were often large and beautifully decorated, but terribly inconvenient. The average 17th century woman wore several layers beneath her billowing skirts. Her pockets would be tied around her waist, between her under-petticoat and her petticoat. In order to access their contents, she essentially had to get undressed! She had ample space to carry a wide variety of personal items in her pockets, but she couldn’t get at them in public!

As styles changed and slimmer, body hugging dresses came into fashion, there was no longer space to hide pouchy bags under a woman’s clothing. Instead, they carried tiny decorative handbags known as reticules that could scarcely hold a handkerchief and a coin.

Later came the suffragettes and other feminist radicals who believed that women should have equal political and financial standing with men. With them came pockets for women! “Plenty of Pockets in Suffragette Suit” read a 1910 New York Times headline. The suit, the piece explained, had seven or eight easy to access pockets.

Fast forward to today. Leggings have no pockets at all and then there are those silly fake pockets in some of my dressier pants. What good is a pocket that isn’t really a pocket at all? Women’s jeans do have pockets, of course, but my husband can easily carry his wallet, keys, some loose change, a comb, some kleenex, and a pocket knife (you can take the boy off the farm, but…) in his jeans pocket while anything larger than a credit card in mine leaves an unsightly and uncomfortable bulge. What’s the difference, you ask? About 4 inches. The front pockets on his jeans are about 7 inches (18 cm) deep while mine are less than half of that! There are women who rail against what they call pocket inequality, but am I willing to give up snug fitting jeans for the convenience of being able to schlep a lot of stuff around in my pockets? Not really. I’ll happily stick to carrying a purse!

What about you? Do you think pocket equality is something women should be fighting for?

 

The Good Women of China

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Do you ever finish reading a book and think that perhaps you should start over and read it again; that there was simply too much to absorb the first time through? The Good Women of China: Hidden Voices was such a book for me, not because it was enjoyable or entertaining, but because it was moving and at the same time very disturbing.

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From 1989 to 1997, the author, Xinran, hosted a radio call-in show, “Words on the Night Breeze” during which she invited Chinese women to speak about their lives. Broadcast every evening, the show became famous throughout the country for its unflinching portrayal of what it meant to be a woman in China. From the hundreds of women who phoned in to share their stories of forced marriages, Communist Party indoctrination, persecution and imprisonment, extreme poverty, shocking cruelty, and incredible endurance, Xinran chose fifteen, including her own, to share in the book which was only written after she left China. “At that time in China, I might have gone to prison for writing a book like this.” she wrote in the closing paragraph.

When we lived in China for a short time a few years ago, I remember how shocked some of my college age students were to learn how old I was. They told me that Chinese women my age looked much older. Knowing that life in China had been hard, I wasn’t completely surprised, but I started looking at the elderly women on the street and in the market more closely. I wondered how much older than me they actually were and what their lives had been like. Until I read The Good Women of China, however, could not have imagined what many them probably endured.

Xinran is six years younger than I am. Many of the women she writes about are my contemporaries. Their stories are powerful, gripping, and anguished accounts of inhumane treatment, sexual exploitation, torture, rape, hunger, and death often at the hands of Chairman Mao’s Red Guards during the Cultural Revolution of 1966 to 1976. All the while, I was going to school, starting my career, getting married, and enjoying a life of freedom completely oblivious to what was going on half a world away.

Later, during the 1990s and early 2000s, I had the privilege of being ESL tutor to an elderly Chinese gentleman. Ling Cong Xin, better known as Sunny Ling to his Canadian friends, came to Canada with his wife in 1987 to live with their daughter and her family. After we had been meeting together for quite some time, I tried to convince him that he ought to record his memories and experiences. At first, he was very reluctant to do so, but eventually he asked if I would help and so began one of the most exciting projects that I have ever had the privilege to be involved in. I recall Sunny speaking with contempt about the soldiers of the Imperial Japanese Army forcing women and girls in occupied territories including China to be their sex slaves or “comfort women” before and during World War II, but he never spoke of Chinese girls being repeatedly raped by their own countrymen during the Cultural Revolution. Sunny was a highly educated man who had at one time been an official in the Nationalist government. During the Cultural Revolution, many of China’s intellectuals were imprisoned or, like Sunny, forced to leave the cities and take menial jobs in the countryside. When we reached this point in his story he began to claim that his memory was failing him and our project came to an end. I believe that reliving the memories simply became more than he could bear. Like Xinran, he also expressed a genuine fear that if some of the things he told me about were ever published, the Chinese government might make life difficult for his relatives who still lived in that country. After reading The Good Women of China, I can’t help wishing that Sunny’s wife had spoken English and that I’d also had the opportunity to hear her story.

“These are stories that must be read. The lives of these anonymous women are so moving that when I finished reading their stories I felt my soul had been altered.”    Amy Tan

“Mao said ‘Women hold up half of heaven.’ Sadly, this remarkable book demonstrates that he was wrong. Women in China actually hold up half of hell. Xinran has written the first realistic portrayal of women in China. Read it, and weep.”   Jan Wong

Not picture perfect, but real

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LogoOur culture has long bombarded us with unrealistic, unattainable and deeply problematic images of women. Pornography objectifies women and gives men a warped idea of love, sex, and relationship while advertising aimed at women creates poor self-image and leads to unhealthy behaviours including eating disorders. Sadly, social media has followed suit with online lives portraying unrealistic perfection in all walks of life including body image.

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Last week as I sat in my doctor’s waiting room, I picked up a magazine that reminded me of a post I wrote last year about a company that chose to use real women with “imperfect” bodies, women with visible stretch marks and cellulite, as models. The current issue of popular Canadian women’s magazine, Chatelaine, is a swimsuit edition with a difference. Unlike the annual Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, which could legitimately be classified as soft porn, Chatelaine chose to use only unretouched photos of all the women who appeared in the latest issue, including those shown in the swimsuit feature. I admire the seven “Everywoman” models who were willing to be photographed in swimwear knowing that they would appear in print exactly as they really are.

Unfortunately, there are other women who are part of the problem. I realize that many of those who appear in porn are not there by choice. In fact, many of them are the victims of human trafficking, but that’s not true of those, including supermodels and female athletes, who have appeared in Sports Illustrated. When a male athlete appears on the cover, he’s dressed in performance gear, but a female athlete appears scantily clad. Why is that? Simply because, unlike the other issues of the magazine, the Swimsuit Edition isn’t about celebrating sport and it certainly isn’t about honouring women. It’s about making money. Plain and simple. That issue alone accounts for 10% of Sports Illustrated’s overall revenue. One out of every ten dollars comes from people paying to see nearly naked women. Are their bodies beautiful? Of course, they appear to be, but they aren’t genuine. Just like most of what we see in magazines, they’re taken by professional photographers using strategic lighting and filters and then edited to remove every imperfection. That’s why, according to the Dove Project #ShowUs, 70% of women don’t feel represented in the images that they see every day in media and advertising.

I truly appreciate the fashion bloggers that I follow who take their own photos or recruit friends or husbands to act as their photographers and who don’t then retouch the photos before publishing them. I’m committed to doing the same; to being authentic.

So, here are a couple of my own makeup free and totally unretouched swimsuit photos taken at Banff Upper Hot Springs earlier this week on a special outing with our oldest grandson.

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I know I’m pale, but that’s the real me, especially this summer when we’ve had so little sun!

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Renewal By Grace… hope for hurting wives

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Renewal By Grace

About sixteen months ago, because of my involvement in similar ministries in the past, I was asked if I would consider helping put together a brand new online series for wives who are experiencing the heartache of their husbands’ past or present sexual betrayal. For more than a year, I’ve been working with a small group of similar minded women around the world to write and edit this new program. It’s been a long journey, but a very rewarding one and I’m delighted to announce that Renewal By Grace is finally up and running!

I would define sexual sin as any type of sexual expression outside the boundaries of a biblically defined marriage relationship. That could include adulterous affairs as well as other forms of infidelity including the use of pornography and masturbation for personal gratification. The emotional trauma that wives experience when they discover that their husbands have been engaging in these kinds of behaviours is often beyond description, but there is help and there is hope.

Given the secretive nature of sexual sin, exact figures are impossible to establish, but the numbers are overwhelming. If you are a wife who is hurting as the result of your husband’s sexual sin, you are not alone and I would urge you to consider signing up by clicking on the link in the first paragraph above. Renewal By Grace is a private place for you to find peace and understanding. You will work your way through a series of 100 short devotional lessons designed to help you find renewal, healing, and hope through the stories of real wives who have experienced many of the same thoughts and feelings as you. You can read one lesson each day or move through the program at whatever pace suits you best.

When you register with Renewed By Grace, you will be offered the option of having a prayer partner who will read your responses and give you feedback as she walks alongside you and offers you support. Each of these women has walked in your shoes and experienced your pain. Each has received training to prepare her to provide godly support and encouragement to the women she partners with. All correspondence between participant and prayer partner is completely confidential.

International Women’s Day 2018

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Tomorrow, March 8, is International Women’s Day 2018. This year’s theme is #PressForProgress with an emphasis on pressing for progress on gender parity. The International Women’s Day website presents a strong call-to-action and gives many specific suggestions. Here are some that caught my attention:

  • question assumptions about women
  • challenge statements that limit women
  • always use inclusive language
  • work to remove barriers to women’s progress
  • buy from retailers who position women in positive ways
  • assume women want opportunities until declined
  • select women as spokespeople and leaders
  • support visible women
  • supportively call-out inappropriate behaviour
  • be a role model for equality
  • ensure credit is given for women’s contributions
  • celebrate women role models and their journeys
  • support awards showcasing women’s success

While these are all well and good, I question whether or not the “international” in International Women’s Day is being forgotten. I question whether these actions will make much difference to our sisters in parts of the world where girls are still forced to undergo female genital mutilation. Will they help the estimated 21 million unwanted girls in India, who often get less nourishment and schooling than their brothers? Will they help the 29 women recently arrested in Iran for protesting the obligatory Muslim headscarf by taking theirs off in public? Will they help the thousands of girls and women in Africa and Asia who walk an average of 6 kilometres a day to collect clean water for their households? Will they do anything for those who are the victims of human trafficking?

I’m not saying that life is perfect for women in the first world. The #MeToo movement has made it abundantly clear that we need to confront the widespread issue of sexual assault and harassment and there is no doubt that we need to continue addressing the issue of equal pay for equal work, but compared to women in much of the world, most of us have it pretty easy.

What, then, can we do to press for progress for women whose lives are so much more difficult than ours? First of all, we need to educate ourselves, to look beyond our comfortable lives and become aware of what the issues are and which reputable organizations are working to change them. If you’re serious about wanting to have an impact on the lives of women around the world, I would suggest that you begin by reading Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide, by Pulitzer Prize winning journalists Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn. Kristof and WuDunn are upfront and clear; they hope to recruit their readers to get involved, to become a part of a movement to emancipate and empower women by helping provide the economic resources that can help transform brothel slaves into businesswomen. All too often, money in the hands of men goes to alcohol and prostitution but in the hands of women, it nurtures children, feeds families and promotes education. Half the Sky not only inspires the reader to get involved, it gives many suggestions how.

It was after reading Half the Sky that I began making micro loans to women in third world countries through Kiva, the world’s first online micro-lending platform. Kiva is a non-profit organization that allows a person to lend as little as $25 to a specific low-income entrepreneur in one of 83 countries around the world. When a loan is repaid, the money can be withdrawn or used to fund a new loan. Since making my first loan eight years ago, I have made a total of 44 loans to women in 19 different countries. To watch Kiva’s 59 second video marking International Women’s Day, click here.

What will you do to press for progress this International Women’s Day?

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International Women’s Day 2016

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Yesterday, March 8th, was International Women’s Day. My search for something relevant to write about led me to a headline that caught my interest:

Ditch the sexualized dress codes, Ontario employers told

Compared to many of the issues and abuses such as poverty, female genital mutilation, and child marriage, that women in other parts of the world face,  being required to wear sexy, cleavage-baring outfits or heels to work is definitely a first world problem, but one that I’m happy to see being addressed.

The Ontario Human Rights Commission has told that province’s employers to stop demanding that their workers dress provocatively as a condition of employment. Requiring female staff, most often restaurant and night club servers, to adhere to a sexualized dress code that frequently includes tight skirts, low-cut tops and high heels is discriminatory and, according to US research, leaves them vulnerable to a higher than normal rate of sexual harassment.

Those in the industry claim that dressing in a sexualized manner garners greater tips. That may be true, but isn’t that a rather sad statement about our culture? Should a restaurant server have to sell her body to make a living? Personally, I would rather eat at an establishment that builds its reputation on quality food and excellent service and I tip accordingly.

Hooters is, of course, the first to come to mind. It built an empire on its young, attractive and scantily clad waitresses. With their tank tops, short shorts, tights and socks, at least they get to wear comfortable shoes!

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photo:  http://www.hooters.ca

Some employers insist that servers, who are on their feet all day, must wear heels. According to the Earls communication manager, that company recommends wearing heels “to reduce safety hazards.” A heel or wedge is preferred because apparently ballet flats don’t offer enough protection against stepping on glass. That’s a feeble excuse if I ever heard one! She also claims that heels provide more support, but the American Osteopathic Association would disagree. According to their website, “statistics show that high heels are one of the biggest factors leading to foot problems in women, with up to a third suffering permanent problems as a result of prolonged wear. Over time, wearing high heels can shorten the muscles in your calves and in your back, leading to pain and muscle spasms.” I have nothing against women choosing to wear heels, but to require it of someone who is on her feet day in day out puts her long term health in jeopardy.

It was the comments on the articles about this issue that disturbed me most, however. Over and over again, I read responses like this one:

” If women go to Moxie’s or Hooters to work they know they will have to flaunt their equipment. Unbelievable how women would complain knowing full-well going into the job what it’s all about.”

and

“This is a free country, Women have the choice to  accept or decline employment at businesses that require revealing uniforms.”

Tell that to the many young women who are working in these places to put themselves through school or feed their children. How many options do many of them have, especially in today’s economy?

Obviously objectifying and exploiting women is still alive and well in our culture.

 

International Women’s Day 2015

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Tomorrow, March 8, is a day set aside to celebrate the economic, political and social achievements of women past, present and future. Women’s rights have come a long way since the first International Women’s Day in 1911 but we still have a long way to go. This year’s theme is ‘Make It Happen’, a slogan aimed at encouraging effective action for advancing the rights and treatment of women. We need to make it happen in those workplaces where women still earn less than men, in countries where women are regularly sexually abused and forced into marriage, and for girls who are still denied an education or forced to undergo female genital mutilation.

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I couldn’t help laughing at the tongue in cheek parody of the lists that women are given to prevent rape that has been circulating on the internet today. At the same time, I felt guilty for laughing. I realize that rape is never a laughing matter but sadly, there are still those who believe that women are to blame for their own abuse.

Rape prevention

I was absolutely incensed when I read this week’s news reports about one of the men convicted in a 2012 gang rape and murder case in Delhi, India. In an interview from jail, 26-year-old Mukesh Singh said that women who went out at night had only themselves to blame if they attracted the attention of gangs of male molesters. “A girl is far more responsible for rape than a boy,” he said.

Singh also claimed that had the 23-year-old victim and her male friend, who were returning from an evening at the cinema, not tried to fight back, the gang would not have inflicted the savage beating from which she died two weeks later. Describing the killing as an “accident” he said, “When being raped, she shouldn’t fight back. She should just be silent and allow the rape. Then they’d have dropped her off after ’doing her’.”

Equally appalling was this comment made by one of the lawyers in the case. “If my daughter or sister engaged in pre-marital activities and disgraced herself and allowed herself to lose face and character by doing such things, I would most certainly take this sort of sister or daughter to my farmhouse, and in front of my entire family, I would put petrol on her and set her alight.”

I wish I could say that things like this were unique to India, but that’s far from the truth and as long as my granddaughter is growing up in a world where any man, anywhere thinks it’s okay to rape a woman, we need to do more than celebrate the achievements of women; we need to ‘Make It Happen’. I am neither a man hater or a radical feminist but I dream of a world where every child has the right to an education and every woman feels safe.