Prayer

Mostly good news

/ edebock / 9 Comments

For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been riding a roller coaster that is known in the cancer world as scanxiety (scan + anxiety = scanxiety). 

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Over the 9+ years since my stage 4 neuroendocrine cancer (NETS) was diagnosed, I’ve had more scans of various kinds than I want to count. The morning after each of my 12 radioactive PRRT treatments I had an octreotide scan to determine whether or not my tumours had grown or spread since the previous treatment. Any scanxiety that I experienced back then was short-lived because I met with the doctor immediately after the scan to review the results. Not so with the CT scans that I’ve had at 6 month, and more recently 9 month, intervals since completing my treatments in June of 2019. After each of those, I’ve had to wait about a week to find out the results. A week can feel like a very long time if you’re riding the scanxiety roller coaster, but because I’ve been doing so well for so long, that hasn’t usually been a big problem for me. 

This time was different. About three weeks prior to each scan, I have a whole battery of lab tests. The results of those are available to me online, so before I even had the CT scan, I knew that something might be amiss. Two markers that are of particular significance for NETS patients are chromogranin A in the blood and 5-HIAA (5-hydroxyindoleacetic acid) in the urine. Both had been gradually climbing and were now flagged as being higher than the normal range. That’s when the roller coaster ride began! 

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In my lowest moments, I was sure that cancer was rapidly spreading throughout my body, but I did what I’ve done before in times like this. I called on a dozen godly women who share my belief in the power of prayer and asked them to pray. The ride was smoother after that. I still knew that something might be wrong, but I felt more at peace. I’d be a liar if I said that I wasn’t anxious at all, but I didn’t dwell in the low spots any longer. I also focused on one of my favourite passages from scripture, Philippians 4:6-7. 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

By the time the doctor phoned today for our follow-up appointment (saving us a 5 hour round trip to the city) I truly did feel at peace about whatever it was that she was about to tell me. She gave me the good news first. Nothing of concern appeared on the scans. In fact, a tumour in a lymph node that had been there since diagnosis in 2013 has completely disappeared! That’s amazing news, especially considering how long it’s been since I had my last treatment. I don’t think anyone expected that the PRRT would still be resulting in shrinkage of tumours three and a half years later. The good news was somewhat overshadowed though by the fact that those elevated levels in my blood and urine still indicated that something is happening. So what happens next? 

I’m going to be going for a Gallium-68 dotatate PET scan sometime in January. This newer imaging technique is similar to the octreotide scans that I’ve had in the past, but much more sensitive. It will be able to pick up even the tiniest growths that might have been overlooked on the conventional CT scan. The results of that will dictate what the next steps will be, but for now I’m not going to worry about it. I’m determined not to climb back on that roller coaster. Instead, I’m going to focus on having an enjoyable Christmas!

The scan did reveal something totally unrelated to my cancer. Apparently, I now have a 1.3 cm Thornwaldt cyst lurking in my head! This is a rare, benign growth that develops in the nasopharynx, above the soft palate and behind the nose. If it continues to grow or becomes infected, it has the potential to start causing things like headaches, postnasal drip, blockage of the eustachian tubes, and/or halitosis. If that occurs, it can be drained or removed surgically. I’ll cross that bridge if and when I get there. For now, it’s just one more thing to add to my long list of weird and not so weird diagnoses! 

Blogging woes and cancer news

/ edebock / 14 Comments

My beloved MacBook Air is getting old; old enough that I’m not able to update to a newer browser. Recently, whenever I opened WordPress to check my stats or work on a post, I received a message telling me that I was using an unsupported browser. Until earlier this week, however, I was able to click through to the appropriate page and work as usual. Then came the fateful day when all that I could open was a blank page with the WordPress logo in the centre!

As I usually do when something goes wrong in my blogging world, I fired off a cry for help to WordPress support and hoped for the best. They’ve never let me down yet, but while I wait to find out what they can or can’t do for me, I’m typing this on my husband’s computer. Not easy! Mine is a Mac, but his is not. The keyboard is a different size and my fingers don’t know what to do. Things jump around when I’m not expecting them to and then there’s the issue of all my photos being on my computer and not knowing how to transfer them to his. With practice, I’m sure these things will get easier, but this is, at best, a very temporary solution! I’m hoping that I don’t have to invest in a new computer right now as mine still does everything else I want it to do, but I have to be able to blog!   

Now, for the other news… 

In mid August, I went through a series of tests and scans, as I do every six months, to determine whether or not there were any changes to my cancers. When the results became available online, I was concerned about a spike in one marker that is particularly significant to neuroendocrine cancer (NETS). Not only had the level increased dramatically, but it was now slightly above the normal range. Knowing that I had to wait several weeks to see the doctor for an explanation, my response was similar to when WordPress quit working. I called for support. I sent out a cry for help to eight godly women asking each of them to pray, not only that my cancer had not grown or spread, but also that I wouldn’t be anxious as I waited for answers. Almost immediately, an unnatural peace descended on me and I was able to go on without undue stress or anxiety. 

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  Philippians 4:6-7

And now for the really good news… my cancer continues to be stable and the doctor has no concerns! Though the spike in that one marker looked concerning to me, she assured me that it would have to be much higher before it was anything to worry about. Praise the Lord!

Pray for the persecuted church

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As President of our local church’s Missions Council, one of the things that I do is present a short Missions Moment during the worship service every Sunday morning. These 3 or 4 minute messages are meant to give our congregation a global perspective and a feeling of connection to what’s happening on the mission field around the world. Though the response to these messages is always positive, one occasionally resonates particularly strongly with my listeners. This morning’s message was one of those and so I decided that perhaps I should share it more widely.

This seems especially timely considering the fact that as we joined Christians around the world in praying for the persecuted church this morning, 27 of our brothers and sisters lost their lives and more than two dozen others were injured in a horrific church shooting in Sutherland Springs, Texas.

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November 5 and 12 have been set aside as International Days of Prayer for the Persecuted Church.

At least 200 million Christians worldwide are being persecuted for their faith. Christian persecution is any hostility experienced as a result of one’s identification as a Christian. From verbal harassment to hostile feelings, attitudes and actions, Christians in areas with severe religious restrictions pay a heavy price for their faith. Beatings, physical torture, confinement, isolation, rape, severe punishment, imprisonment, slavery, discrimination in education and employment, and even death are just a few examples of the persecution they experience on a daily basis.

Every month an average of 322 Christians are killed for their faith and 214 churches and Christian properties are destroyed.

The number one thing that persecuted Christians ask for is prayer.

The Bible calls us to be a voice for the voiceless. Psalm 82:3-4 says, “Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed. Rescue the weak and needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked.”

As Christians, we are called to take a stand for our persecuted brothers and sisters in Christ. Hebrews 13:3 says, “Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering.”

Praying for Christians who are being persecuted for their faith may be the easy part of what I’m asking of you today. I also want to suggest that we pray for the perpetrators; the ones who are doing the persecuting. The Bible tells us to pray for our enemies. They need to experience the unconditional love of Jesus every bit as much as we do. Remember that the apostle Paul was once the greatest persecutor of Christians. He was on his way to bring violence against believers when Jesus showed up on the Damascus Road. God used this man, known for his hatred of Christians, in mighty ways to spread His gospel and plant His church. He can still do that today, so let’s pray and ask Him to radically show up in the lives and hearts of the persecutors. Pray against the evil but for those who commit it. Pray that they would come to know God and His forgiveness.

Throughout this week, let’s focus on praying for both those who are persecuted and those who persecute them. 

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For more information and resources pertaining to the persecuted church, visit https://www.opendoorsusa.org/.

 

The Western Wall

/ edebock / 3 Comments

One of the questions that I’ve been asked most often since we returned from Israel is “Did you go to the Wailing Wall?” Yes, we did and it was quite an adventure, but before I tell that story, there are some misconceptions to clear up. First of all, while in Israel, we never heard it referred to as the “Wailing” Wall. That term isn’t used by the Jews. It is the Western Wall. Where the term, Wailing Wall, came from is uncertain, but it probably referred to the weeping of the Jews over the destruction of their temple.

I had always understood that the so-called Wailing Wall was the only remaining piece of the ancient temple and for that reason it had been set aside as a holy place of prayer. Not so! It is actually a relatively small segment of a much longer retaining wall that was originally built as part of the expansion of the second Jewish temple by Herod the Great. Although other parts of the retaining walls remain, this particular segment is closest to the location of the Holy of Holies, the inner sanctuary of the temple where God promised that His presence would reside. For that reason, it is considered by the Jews to be the holiest place to pray. (Leviticus 16:2)

While the visible portion of the Western Wall is approximately 60 metres in length, the majority of it has spent centuries hidden underground. It is only in recent years that excavation of the Western Wall Tunnels has allowed access to a further 485 metres extending beneath the Old City of Jerusalem. Entrance to the tunnels is limited to tour groups and must be booked months in advance.

This is where our story begins. Our group had a 5:45 pm appointment on January 28th. We left our hotel with plenty of time to spare, but as we neared our destination we found ourselves caught in traffic that was completely backed up along a narrow, crowded street. It wasn’t going anywhere! As minutes ticked by, it was obvious that we would miss our appointment if we didn’t do something, but what do you do with a tour bus caught in such a jam? Our trusty guide, Shimon, jumped off the bus and gave directions while Jimmy, our amazing driver, turned the bus around in a space that I probably couldn’t have turned our SUV! When we finally arrived by an alternate route, we discovered why the traffic was so heavy. The entrance plaza was filled with hundreds of people there for an Israeli Defense Forces swearing in ceremony during which new recruits receive their weapon and a Jewish Bible.

During our exploration of the tunnels we saw the biggest stone in the Western Wall. With a length of 13.6 metres, a height of 3 metres and an estimated width of between 3.5 and 4.5 metres, it is estimated to weigh approximately 570 to 600 tons! How it was moved into place without the use of modern machinery is a mystery. We also walked a section of the Herodian road which ran alongside the Temple Mount, stepping on worn stones that our Saviour undoubtably walked upon.

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Our feet on the Herodian road

By the time we emerged from the tunnels, the swearing in ceremony was over and we wound our way through the jubilant crowd who were busy congratulating and taking pictures of their young soldiers. The segment of the wall designated for prayer is separated into a section for men and one for women. The seven women in our group formed a human chain as we made our way through the crowd so that we wouldn’t become separated from one another! We each spent a few minutes praying at the wall before rejoining the guys and heading back to our hotel.

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Women at the Western Wall

Some in our group said that they felt the presence of God in a special way at the wall. I don’t want to question anyone else’s experience, but personally, I didn’t feel any closer to Him there than I do in many other places. I am so thankful that we serve a God who is with us wherever we are and that we don’t need a temple to experience His presence!

Jesus said, “I tell you that one greater than the temple is here.”  Matthew 12:6

Is it good news?

/ edebock / 23 Comments

We met with the doctor yesterday to discuss biopsy results. Apparently, I don’t have adenocarcinoma which is what he anticipated. Instead, I have been diagnosed with a “well differentiated neuroendocrine tumour” which is apparently less common. Is this good news?

Here’s what Dr. F wrote on a small slip of paper:

Adenocarcinoma            Prognosis: poor

Neuroendocrine             Prognosis:  ?

Question mark? My whole life, my future, is wrapped up in that one small question mark!

Dr. F, not one to give a person false hope, appeared to think that the diagnosis was good news, at least better than it might have been. For now, we’ll cling to that as a glimmer of hope.

So what comes next? We still don’t have a treatment plan. All of the information that has been gathered so far has been sent to the Cross Cancer Institute. Located in Edmonton, a two hour drive from here, the Cross is the comprehensive cancer centre for all of northern Alberta. As soon as I heard the dreaded C word, I knew that that’s where I’d likely end up.

The specialists at the Cross have requested a CT scan of my chest, presumably to ensure that the cancer hasn’t spread to my lungs. I fervently pray that it hasn’t and that it doesn’t. Once they have the results of the scan, my next appointment will be at the Cross where we should finally find out what treatment is going to look like.

So… for now, we wait some more! We wait for phone calls to tell me when to come in for these appointments. We wait to find out if the news is good or not.

Waiting is getting more difficult but we’re keeping busy which helps a lot and I know that the prayers of many people around the world are sustaining us while we wait.

Apron prayers

/ edebock / 8 Comments

When we directed Vacation Bible School a couple of weeks ago, we taught the children to fold their hands and close their eyes when we prayed; not because there’s any magic in these things but because folded hands are less likely to get into trouble and closed eyes shut out distraction.

1 Thessalonians 5:17 tells us to “pray continually” but how do we do that? How can we make prayer an integral part of our busy everyday lives? Obviously, we can’t sit around all day with our hands folded and our eyes closed!

I have been humbled and quite overwhelmed by the response to my last post. Promises to pray for us as we walk this road called cancer have flowed in from around the world! I especially loved one friend’s practical approach. “I’ll put your name in my apron pockets,” she told me and went on to explain that she wears an apron at work and reaches into it’s deep pockets many times throughout the day. When she wants to remember a specific prayer request, she writes it on little pieces of paper and puts them in her apron pockets. As she finds them throughout the day, she stops what she’s doing for a  few moments and prays!

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How do you remember to pray?

A new journey…

/ edebock / 68 Comments

It looks like Richard and I are embarking on a new journey… not one that we would have chosen. It started with a phone call from my doctor on Tuesday morning.

If you’ve been reading my blog since we left for China at the end of February, you may recall that when we arrived we had to have complete medical check-ups including abdominal ultrasounds before our resident’s permits could be issued. That’s when we first learned that there was something on my liver but after having a CT scan, I was told that it was nothing to worry about. It was suggested that I follow up with my own doctor after returning to Canada.

Early in August, I went for my annual medical and took the ultrasound photos from China with me. Dr. H wisely ordered another ultrasound which I had early Monday morning. Immediately afterward, I was told that I should also have a CT scan and that was done before I left the hospital. I expected similar results to those I’d received in China but I couldn’t have been more wrong.

I was walking a nature trail in a provincial park several hours from home the next morning when my doctor called. He didn’t want to tell me the test results over the phone but since he was asking me to abort our planned trip to Vancouver and come home to meet with him, it was obvious that the news wasn’t good. I sat on the grass overlooking a beautiful lake while he told me that I have colon cancer which has already spread to my liver!

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Cancer… that dreaded C word!   Wow!   How do you respond to that?

With prayer!

I am a list maker so as soon as we got back to our campsite, I started writing a list of people I needed to call, not just to share our devastating news but also to ask for prayer. Prayer for healing, prayer for peace and prayer for the strength to walk this pathway with grace.

After dropping our daughter and grandchildren in Calgary the following morning as planned, we turned toward home and started this new journey. It all seems a bit surreal at this point as I feel perfectly fine! I saw an internist yesterday and I’m booked for a colonoscopy and biopsy on Wednesday. As long as the growth in my bowel isn’t threatening to cause a blockage anytime soon, it will not be removed at this point and I will likely start chemotherapy soon.

We believe in a mighty God who responds to the prayers of his people and we are asking for a miracle!  Whether he chooses to heal me with a touch of his hand or through the more usual medical means is immaterial to me but I am boldly asking for more time… there is much that I still want to accomplish in this life!

On the long drive home on Wednesday, as the doctor’s words rang in my head, I heard the still small voice of God’s Holy Spirit speak to my heart. I grabbed my notebook and wrote down his words so that I can recall them over and over again when things get rough and negative voices threaten to overcome me.

“I’ve got this in my hands. I know what’s going on. I’m going to take care of you.”

Where will this journey take us?

Where will this journey take us?

Tangled knots of tension

/ edebock / 2 Comments

This has been an eventful week.

On Monday, I learned that my Dad had finally made the decision to seek permanent care for my Mom. She’s 90 years old and suffers from Alzheimer’s disease. In addition, she’s virtually blind, incontinent and confined to a wheelchair. Dad has been burning himself out trying to be her primary caregiver and most of the time she doesn’t even know who he is.

I was relieved! I would be able to leave the country knowing that Mom was being well cared for and that Dad could finally relax and possibly regain his flagging health and strength. Then came Wednesday and a phone call from my sister. Dad was suffering from chest pains and she was catching a plane that afternoon to fly out to Vancouver to be with them!

I was already feeling stressed over the delay in getting our visas. This news was almost more than I could handle! Questions and doubts flooded my mind. What was I thinking of? Was going to China at this point sheer insanity? We’d already signed our contracts! What choice did I have now?

I don’t handle stress well. Apparently, neither does my father! His chest pains were not an indication of an impending heart attack as we feared but, as far as we can tell, the result of stressing about the decision he’d made and all its implications. He had lain awake for long hours Tuesday night worrying about where Mom would end up, how he’d get her there, what he should pack for her, whether or not she’d adjust well to her new surroundings and so on and so on until the pain began.

We knew that initially, at least, Mom would go into the first appropriate long term care bed in their area. We prayed that it would be easily accessible by bus so that Dad, who no longer drives due to failing eyesight, could visit her regularly. God did even better than that! Tomorrow morning she’s moving into a care facility just down the street from the apartment building where my parents have lived for over 20 years! It’s literally about 500 metres away, close enough for Dad to walk over anytime he wants!

After more than 64 years of marriage, tonight will be the last night that my parents will spend together. It’s sad, but Alzheimer’s is sadder. In a sense, Mom has already been gone for quite a long time. I’m just glad that Dad will still be able to spend time with her each day and that my sister is there to help them with the transition.

Now, if only the results of our blood tests come back soon so that we can head to Calgary to apply for our visas. Then maybe the knots in my stomach will begin to untangle!

Our mountain is moving!

/ edebock / 10 Comments

If you read yesterday’s post, you know that we were thrown into a sudden panic when we learned that we can’t apply for our work visas until we can present physical examination records with the myriad of other forms and documents that are required. It often takes three weeks or more to get in to see our family doctor and we’re supposed to leave for China a month from tomorrow! What were we going to do?

The problem seemed insurmountable but nothing is impossible with God! (Luke 1:37) After temporarily freaking out, I calmed down and realized that if God wants us in China nothing will stop us from getting there.

We don’t climb our mountains alone. Within hours, people around the world, including a blogging friend I’ve never met, were praying for us and the mountain began to move.

Last night I learned that there’s a new doctor in the area. So new, in fact, that his clinic isn’t even ready for use yet and he’s only seeing walk ins at the hospital outpatients department. We spent two hours there this morning. Dr. O was efficient and personable; definitely a positive addition to our medical community. By lunch time, all of the required procedures had been done. We’d undergone everything from eye examinations to chest x-rays and ECGs and blood had been taken. My blood pressure was a little high but that came as no surprise after the stress of the past 24 hours!

The only hitch now is that the results of the required AIDS test usually take about two weeks to come back. As long as they don’t take any longer than that, we’ll still have enough time to make our trip to Calgary to get our visas but I’m praying that they come back sooner. After all, our God can move mountains!

Mount Robson                      photo: Nate DeBock

I cast all my cares

/ edebock / 7 Comments

I cast all my cares upon You
I lay all of my burdens down at Your feet
And any time I don’t know what to do
I will cast all my cares upon You.

Almost a month ago, while on our way to my parents’ place, I awoke in the middle of the night and began to worry about what lay ahead. Would I be able to cope? Could I provide the care that they needed? As anxiety threatened to consume me, this old Kelly Willard chorus, based on 1 Peter 5:7 “casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you” (NKJV), began to run through my head.

What a life saver that little chorus became! I knew that in my own strength, I wouldn’t have the wisdom or the patience to do all that needed to be done so I determined right then and there to do exactly as the chorus suggested and lay it all at the feet of Jesus.

Were there times in the last month that I didn’t know what to do? You bet there were but whenever I began to feel overwhelmed, I returned to the little chorus and let it bathe my spirit and restore my peace of mind. It became my mantra. Don’t get me wrong; there wasn’t any magic in the words themselves or the ritual of repeating them but they were my prayer. They reminded me where my help was coming from and calmed my frazzled nerves.

Now we’re on our way home, tucked into the same hotel where anxiety threatened to overwhelm me. In addition to cooking meals, doing mountains of laundry, attending to Mom’s day to day needs, ferrying Dad to numerous appointments and hounding his urologist’s office for a surgery date (Dec. 7), we toured care facilities, arranged respite care for Mom for three weeks following Dad’s surgery and set up Meals on Wheels to begin immediately after we left. I also learned how to change and clean a catheter bag! There were moments of frustration and fortunately, moments of humour, but there were no moments of panic or despair. The cares chorus took care of that!