Parenting

Book of the month – September 2025

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During our teaching careers, hubby and I had to learn numerous acronyms describing ND (neurodivergent) children: ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder), OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder), ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) and so on, but the book that I’m reviewing this month is an extreme example of what hubby calls PPS (Poor Parenting Syndrome)!

Wavewalker: A Memoir of Breaking Free

Suzanne Heywood

At seven years old, Suzanne Heywood set sail from England with her parents and younger brother on what was supposed to be a three-year trip around the world retracing one of Captain Cook’s voyages. What followed was a decade of isolation on a 70-foot sailboat crossing some of the world’s most dangerous oceans and surviving horrendous storms, shipwrecks, and reefs. What sounded like the romantic adventure of a lifetime became a child’s worst nightmare “trapped inside someone else’s dream”.

Deprived of safety, friendship, and education, Suzanne longed to return to the stability of England and the opportunity to attend school, but her parents saw this only as selfishness on her part and refused to entertain the idea. Determined to educate herself, she worked diligently on correspondence courses dropping lessons into the mail whenever and wherever the family went ashore. Ultimately her desire for independence and self-determination became so intolerable to her parents, particularly her mother, that at age 16, they dropped her off at an isolated cabin on the north island of New Zealand, leaving her responsible for her younger brother while they continued their travels around the South Pacific!   

It would be hard to read this book without becoming increasingly angry at the parents who, according to the epilogue, told their daughter later that she had a “privileged” upbringing! It is, however, a story of resilience and determination. At 17, finally escaping the constraints of her bizarre childhood, Suzanne was accepted into college at Oxford where she went on to earn her PhD.

While Suzanne’s childhood was one of neglect rather than physical abuse, there are strong parallels between her story and Tara Westover’s powerful memoir, Educated. 

Book of the month – July 2024

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Crossing Oceans

Gina Holmes

9781414333052At the outset, Gina Holmes’ Crossing Oceans reminded me of a sappy Christmas movie. You know the ones… after several years away, beautiful young woman returns to her quaint mid American hometown where she encounters sweet, kindhearted, and inexplicably single man from her past who sweeps her off her feet and solves all her problems.

I was okay with that. Having just finished reading the memoir of an esteemed Chinese professor who lived through the horrors of the Cultural Revolution, I was ready for some fluff; some light summer reading.  

Crossing Oceans surprised me. First of all, I didn’t realize that it was a Christian novel. Had I known that, I might not have picked it up. As strange as it might sound, considering the fact that I’m a committed follower of Christ, I read very few Christian novels. Although there are exceptions, too many of them are unrealistic, happy ever after romances somewhat on par with those mushy Christmas movies. While the main characters in Holmes’ novel are professing Christians, it isn’t preachy. They are far from perfect, and their problems aren’t swept away because they believe in God. 

When Jenny Lucas left home, single and pregnant, she promised herself that she’d never look back. Six years later, knowing that she’s dying of cancer, Jenny returns to the sleepy North Carolina town where she grew up to decide who will raise her little girl when she is gone. Will it be her father with whom she has had a difficult relationship since the death of her own mother when she was a teen? Or will she choose Isabella’s dad who doesn’t even know that he has a daughter? Animosity between the two families adds to her dilemma. Can they put aside their differences and help both Jenny and Isabella face what lies ahead? 

This is a sad story, but not a depressing one. It’s a poignant story of love and loss, but also forgiveness and healing. Jenny faces her situation with determination, courage, stoicism, and even a sense of humour. As I neared the end, I couldn’t help wondering how the story could possibly end in a satisfying manner, but without giving anything away, I’ll simply tell you that I wasn’t disappointed.

Growing up with gnomes

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Our two BC grandsons are growing up in a world of magic. There are gnomes living in the forest near their North Vancouver home. When the boys were younger, we’d often explore the forest looking for gnome homes.

The closest we ever came to finding one was this little gnome gate.

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Now that the boys are in school and busy with other organized activities and play dates with friends, it’s been quite awhile since we’ve gone into the forest together, but the gnomes are still very much a part of their lives. Many years ago, our son and daughter-in-law installed a tiny gnome door on the outer wall of the family room so that the little men can come and go whenever they want. Though they never show up in the daytime, it’s obvious that they sometimes visit at night. They always decorate around their door for special occasions like Halloween and Christmas and they often leave tiny gifts for the boys.

In a world that is increasingly filled with stress and fear, I’m glad that there is also magic and wonder, imagination and creativity, and I’m thankful for parents who make the effort to nurture it!

Looking for gnomes

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After spending the past three weeks caring for my aging parents, we’ve moved across town to our son and daughter-in-law’s for a few days before we head for home. I’m mentally and emotionally worn out and nervous about leaving Mom and Dad on their own and it hasn’t helped that it’s been grey and rainy the entire time that we’ve been in Vancouver. Fun with our grandsons is just the medicine I need at the moment and what could be more delightful than a walk in the woods to look for gnomes?

Twenty-three years ago, when our son, Matt, was in fourth grade, we shared our home with a Norwegian exchange student. Bjorn came to us bearing unique and interesting gifts for each member of the family. The boys received Norwegian trolls about 6 inches tall with mischievous, grinning faces. In recent months, Matthew’s troll took up residence on a shelf in the kitchen of his home. That led to questions from inquisitive 3-year-old Sam and prompted a discussion about gnomes. Searches of the nearby forest followed to see if any of these dwarfish creatures could be found. Yesterday we were invited to go along on one of these adventures!

Could there be a gnome in here?

Or here?

Though we didn’t see any, there must have been one living under this tree because Mommy “found” a teeny, tiny gold key that fits perfectly into the lock of the tiny gnome door that she and Daddy recently installed on the outer wall of the family room! The plan is to put the key back where it was found so that the gnomes can come to visit if they want to.

   

Robin claims that she had absolutely nothing to do with the little gnome gate that we found deeper in the woods. Perhaps, the little people are protecting their food stores from squirrels or maybe they have treasure hidden here!

Our grandsons, Sam and little brother Nate, are fortunate to live just a couple of blocks from the forest and very blessed to have parents who nurture and encourage their active imaginations. Way to go, Matt and Robin!

The great t-shirt debate

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I’ve been debating all weekend about whether or not to enter the great t-shirt debate that’s been raging across Canada for the past week. After reading the latest update in this morning’s news, I can’t hold back any longer.

First of all, a little background for my many non-Canadian readers. (I love the fact that WordPress now shows us where our readers come from. I can’t help checking the little map on my Stats page several times a day and I’m delighted every time a new country lights up!) Last Monday, William Swinimer, a grade 12 student in Nova Scotia who had repeatedly worn a bright yellow t-shirt  with the slogan “Life is wasted without Jesus” on it, was suspended from school for 5 days.

Christians across the country have been decrying the fact that William was suspended for wearing a t-shirt with the name of Jesus on it. Not so, folks! If we, as Christians, want to be listened to and taken seriously we need to get our facts straight. Swinimer was suspended from school for defying authority. After being told by the school principal that other students found the t-shirt offensive and asked not to wear it to school anymore, this young man who was apparently in the habit of telling his fellow students that they were going to burn in hell, chose to wear it to class every day for several weeks. (I hope he washed it in between!) His defiance earned him a series of in-school suspensions and ultimately the 5 day at-home suspension.

While I admire William’s desire to share his faith and his willingness to stand up for his beliefs and in no way support the principal’s initial request that he not wear the shirt to school again, the Bible clearly tells us “Obey your leaders and submit to their authority.” Hebrews 13:17  Swinimer says that by continuing to wear the banned shirt to school, he was standing up for his rights as a Canadian citizen. The Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms guarantees the right to freedom of religion, conscience and expression to all Canadians. Religious freedom does include the right to speak about our beliefs and to share them with other people but I cannot applaud a student for harassing his classmates or defying authority. If we truly hurt for the people we believe are lost, we won’t win them over to our way of thinking by being obnoxious, rude or confrontational.

While I was mildly annoyed with those who failed to look below the surface and immediately jumped to Swinimer’s defence hailing this as another example of a Christian being persecuted for his faith, it wasn’t until I read this morning’s news that my blood began to boil. Swinimer was due to return to school this morning. Rather than attempting to sweep the situation under the carpet and pretend that nothing untoward had happened, the school scheduled a series of forums to begin today that would encourage open dialogue on how students can express their beliefs in respectful and non-discriminatory ways in a multicultural public school environment. They tried to turn the fierce nationwide debate into a learning experience. Swinimer was invited to participate and was even told that that he could wear the bright yellow t-shirt. The pastor of his church agreed to take part in the discussions.

Then came this morning’s news. William Swinimer arrived at school with his father, John. Waving a New Testament at reporters, John Swinimer announced that he was pulling his son out of the school!

“The taxpayer is paying for him to learn his academics as well as the other students and I am not standing for any of this stuff,” he told reporters. “He will not attend this school unless they are having reading, writing and arithmetic, good old-fashioned academics. When they’re having forums, when they’re having other extra curricular activities, he will not attend that school.” When asked by reporters whether Swinimer will come back to the school when the talks are over, John responded, “I’m making a statement here, I’m not answering questions.”

Whoa!! What kind of parenting is that? Instead of supporting his defiant behaviour, William’s parents ought to be teaching him to show proper respect for authority and how to share his faith in appropriate and respectful ways. Unfortunately intolerance and rudeness breed intolerance and rudeness.

Today, having heard the rest of the story, I have sympathy for young William. Sadly, it’s easy to predict what the future holds for him. He lives in a town of little more than 2000 people. You can’t be anonymous in a place like that and a bad reputation is hard to shake. He’s still going to be “that boy” years down the road. Who wants to hire a young man who’s been taught that he doesn’t have to do what he’s told; that his rights are more important than anyone else’s?

I do hope his life isn’t wasted!