Grandchildren

Baby snuggles

/ edebock / 12 Comments

This morning, we loaded our suitcase into the vehicle and left home as we’ve done almost every Monday since the beginning of June, but this time, instead of heading for Edmonton and another round of radiation treatments, we turned south and came to Calgary to get some baby snuggles!

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After returning from Vancouver last week, we met with Dr. Sandy McEwan, head of the neuroendocrine team at the Cross Cancer Institute, to review the results of the previous week’s CT scan and begin planning for future treatment. We were given the good news that, in spite of the fact that they haven’t been treated or even looked at since the beginning of February, my neuroendocrine tumours are stable. Apparently, there hasn’t been any significant change in them while I’ve been undergoing treatment for my second cancer. Now, with the exception of one monthly injection, I am free of all things medical for the entire month of August!

After being away from home so much recently, it was tempting to stay put for awhile but grandchildren are a much bigger temptation! Simon is almost 5 months old already and I hadn’t seen him since the beginning of June. We’ll be taking care of him and his two older siblings all day tomorrow and the next day while our daughter, Melaina, takes a first aid course. I guess we’ll see how much energy Gram has these days!

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A most awesome adventure

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Visits to Vancouver always involve going on interesting adventures with our grandsons, Sam and Nate, but this trip has been different. This time, we came to say our final good byes to my mother.

Today, with Saturday’s memorial service behind us and my siblings on their way back to Alberta, we were down to our last day and hadn’t been on any adventures. That would never do! As we headed across the Lion’s Gate Bridge and through Stanley Park on our way to the University of British Columbia Botanical Garden, I felt myself relax. This morning could be a holiday… no medical treatments, no family responsibilities, just fun with the grandkids.

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Visiting a botanical garden may not sound like a great adventure for a three and four year old, but as we walked through the deeply forested part of the garden, our destination was the Greenheart Canopy Walkway suspended some 20 metres above the forest floor! Unlike most aerial walkways that are bolted to the trees, an innovative cable tension system secures the platforms to huge Douglas firs, Red cedars and Grand firs, many of them over 100 years old. There was a time when traversing from platform to platform on the narrow swinging bridges would have terrified me, but not anymore! Looking out over the coastal rainforest from high amongst the trees was exhilarating. As I said to Sam, it was a most awesome adventure!

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Tomorrow, we fly back to Edmonton and the following day, I have another appointment at the Cross Cancer Institute but for a little while today I could forget about all that!

What is art anyway?

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A cool rainy afternoon was a perfect time to visit the Art Gallery of Alberta in downtown Edmonton. We had never been inside the unusual building composed mostly of windows and a winding ribbon of steel before and I was as interested in the architecture as the art inside.

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As we wandered through the exhibits, we saw pieces that we liked, pieces that we didn’t care much for and others that simply made us shake our heads. I couldn’t help wondering what makes something art. What makes one thing worthy of display in a prestigious art gallery and another not? For example, take a look at this:

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Whether or not they’re to our taste, I’m sure we’d all agree that the paintings on the wall are art, but what about the pile of hammers on the table? Yes, that’s what that is, a pile of hammers! What makes this pile of hammers a work of art and not simply a mess on someone’s workshop floor? I’m afraid I really don’t get it.

Perhaps Richard was right when he looked at the photo of two of our grandchildren that our daughter posted on Facebook yesterday.

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“All it needs is a frame and you could sell it for big bucks!” he said. Yes, that looks like art to me!

Long distance hugs!

/ edebock / 10 Comments

I love hugs and I’ve been receiving lots of them lately; tentative, gentle hugs from friends who are being ultra careful not to hurt me. One friend, a huge teddy bear kind of guy, tells me that he’s reserving one of his giant bear hugs for me and that I can have it as soon as I’m feeling a little less fragile!

I’ve also been receiving lots of long distance hugs in emails and messages from around the world. There are the traditional Xs and Os, representing kisses and hugs, at the end of some of the messages and the more modern brackets ( ) or (( )) in others. I appreciate every one of them.

Today, I received the most unique and perhaps the most special long distance hugs ever. I had a long nap this morning and after lunch, Richard and I decided to try a walk to the post office. It was great to be out and about on a beautiful spring afternoon. There was a parcel card in our mailbox so we stopped into the office to see what had arrived. The post mistress handed me a large brown envelope with a paper heart glued to the front. It was addressed to Gram DeBock and the return address indicated that it was from our grandsons, Sam and Nate, in Vancouver.

“I knew this one was special,” she said. “So I didn’t want to bend it to fit it into your box!”

I can never wait until I get home to open exciting looking mail so we walked across the corner to our little Main Street Park and sat on a bench overlooking Sedgewick’s tiny downtown area while I opened my special envelope. Look what slipped out!

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Caught in the club sandwich squeeze!

/ edebock / 9 Comments

“Club sandwich generation” is a relatively new term used to describe the “squeezed” generation, usually between the ages of 55 and 64, who typically find themselves caring for elderly parents while at the same time providing support for adult children and helping care for grandchildren. As more and more people live into their 80s and 90s, the number of four generation families is increasing rapidly and it’s usually the second generation in these families who have the time and resources to deal with unexpected events and crises in the lives of the other three.

My sister and I presently find ourselves smack dab in the middle of this kind of family sandwich. Along with our brother, who is not yet a grandparent, we’re dealing with the escalating needs of our increasingly frail and vulnerable parents. The fact that they don’t live in the same province as the three of us adds to the difficulty.

I’m very grateful that our three children are self-sufficient and require very little help from us. The two that have children of their own don’t depend on us for childcare as we live four hours away from the closest one. When we do visit, we consider it a privilege to babysit the grandchildren so that their parents can enjoy an evening out.

The club sandwich squeeze has been much tighter than usual lately though. As I mentioned in a previous post, my 91-year-old diabetic mother, who suffers from severe dementia, was hospitalized about a month ago suffering from a gangrenous toe. As a family, we made the agonizing decision not to put her through surgery. Due to lack of circulation in her leg, it would have required amputation above the knee. There was no guarantee that she’d survive the operation and if she did, there was every likelihood that the other leg would soon be in the same condition. Instead, as hard as it was, we chose palliative care and when we came to Calgary for the birth of our newest grandson, I packed knowing that we might have to fly to Vancouver for a funeral. Fortunately, Mom is doing much better than expected and was even able to move back to her care facility at the beginning of last week. My sister, who’d been in Vancouver for most of the past month, flew home on Wednesday and we breathed a sigh of relief. That lasted about 24 hours!

The next afternoon when I phoned Dad to share the exciting news of Simon’s birth, he sounded terrible. What had been a fairly minor cold had moved into his chest. Within hours, he was rushed to hospital by ambulance. Arriving in respiratory failure, he was immediately put on a ventilator and our oldest son, who lives in Vancouver, rushed over to the hospital to be with him. In club sandwich families like ours, it’s Matt’s generation that provides the other layer of filling. We are so fortunate that Matt is willing and able to jump in in a crisis situation when none of us is close by. In this case, we didn’t know if Dad would make it through the night. Again, I wondered if we’d be flying out for a funeral.

Thankfully, Dad seems to be rallying and if all goes well, he could be home from the hospital sometime next week. This time, it will probably be my brother who flies out to be with him for a little while. I would go but I have to plan around my treatment schedule and until we get the results of the biopsy that I had last week, it’s difficult to do even that. It’s hard enough being part of the club sandwich generation but having cancer has complicated the situation and added to our present squeeze!

The pot finally boiled!

/ edebock / 12 Comments

In my last post I compared waiting for our daughter to give birth to the proverbial watched pot that never boils. Yesterday was particularly grueling. We made the half hour trip to the hospital twice. On both occasions, Melaina was given morphine and gravol and sent home to rest. By the second visit she was finally beginning to make progress but she was still a long way from delivering. They might have kept her at the hospital had the maternity ward not been swamped but instead, the doctor told us to come back at 8 o’clock this morning or sooner if need be.

It’s a good thing we didn’t wait until 8:00! It was shortly before 4:00 when I heard, “Mom, there’s no way I’m going to make it til morning” from the top of the stairs. Less than ten minutes later, she, Aaron and I were out the door leaving Grandpa and the two older children tucked snugly in their beds. As we cruised through the silent city streets, I timed her contractions… four minutes… four minutes… two minutes…

After all that waiting, when things started happening, they happened fast and at 8:23 this morning Simon Gil was born! He weighed in at 7 lb. 11 oz.

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Simon’s middle name, Gil, is a Hebrew name that means joy and this wee boy definitely filled our day with joy!

Richard and I made one more trip back to the hospital this afternoon to introduce Drew and Jami-Lee to their baby brother. They were thrilled!

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Now they’re tucked into their beds but sleep evades them. Tomorrow is another exciting day. Mommy will come home from the hospital with baby Simon and a new chapter of their family story begins!

The pot that never boils

/ edebock / 5 Comments

Waiting for our daughter to have a baby is like watching the proverbial pot that never boils!

Before Andrew was born in 2008, Melaina went through what one of her doctors called the longest latent (unproductive) labour in history. It was a marathon that went on for eleven days! Over and over, her contractions would increase in intensity and regularity then slow down again. She made several frustrating trips to the hospital but each time she was told to go home and continue waiting.  Because she hadn’t reached her due date yet, they wouldn’t do anything to help her along.

Two years later, when baby #2 was on the way, the doctors assured Melaina that it was very unlikely that she’d go through the same thing again. Though not exactly the same, the weeks leading up to Jami-Lee’s birth were equally frustrating. After four episodes of false labour, she finally arrived on her due date.

Now we’re waiting for #3 and history is repeating itself. Melaina’s contractions started over three weeks ago but still no baby! Again, they increase in intensity and frequency until it appears that the time has finally come and then they subside again. After several false alarms and afraid that we’d miss the big event if we waited any longer, we packed up and came to Calgary a week ago. We thought for sure that Saturday was the day. After three hours of contractions three minutes apart, we decided that it was almost time to head for the hospital but before we did, things slowed down again.

Poor Melaina is beyond frustrated and totally exhausted. Yesterday she was given Tylenol 3 to help with the pain and allow her to get some sleep but because, once again, she hasn’t reached her official due date, the doctors are unwilling to do anything to speed things up. Her due date is Friday and she has another doctor appointment next Tuesday but we’re hoping the pot finally boils before that!

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A time to be born and a time…

/ edebock / 14 Comments

Hello world, I’m back!

I spent most of the past two weeks in seclusion due to the high level of radioactivity caused by my most recent cancer treatment. Yesterday was my first day of freedom and I was out of the house almost as often as I had been over the prior fourteen days! There’s not a lot to blog about when you sit at home all day every day. I rested a lot at first, read several good books and resumed my exercise routine as soon as I felt up to it. I also frittered away a fair amount of time on the internet, my lifeline to the outside world.

Now that I’m free, able to be out and about, I can’t help wondering what the next few weeks will hold. We’re eagerly awaiting the birth of our fifth grandchild and hoping to be in Calgary when he arrives. Our daughter, Melaina, isn’t technically due until mid March but the little fellow is threatening to come early and we’ve reached the point where we need to be ready to jump in the car at a moment’s notice.

At the same time, in Vancouver, my 91-year-old diabetic mother who suffers from severe dementia has been hospitalized with a gangrenous toe and we’re awaiting the doctor’s decision regarding whether or not her foot should be amputated! What an agonizing decision for my father to have to make. Mom is already confined to a wheelchair so losing a foot won’t change her quality of life significantly. It’s the surgery itself that worries us. That and the fact that gangrene is a serious and life threatening condition. Has the infection been caught soon enough or will it continue to spread? At the same time that we’re saying hello to the newest member of the family, will we also be saying good bye to the oldest, his great grandmother?

Ecclesiastes tells us “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die” but the life in between can sure be tough sometimes!

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Once a Mom…

/ edebock / 8 Comments

When do you stop being a Mom? Is it when they graduate high school? when they leave home? when they marry? or is it when they have children of their own? No, the answer is never! You never stop being a Mom!

I still remember getting up at 2:00 a.m. and then again at 6:00 to feed the baby. Tired as I was, I enjoyed those peaceful moments; just the baby and I. There was no baby to feed last night though. Instead, I was up periodically checking Facebook to find out the latest news on our three-year-old granddaughter who was rushed to Children’s Hospital in Calgary late yesterday afternoon suffering from a severe asthma attack, her third in the past five months.

When Jami arrived at emergency, there was no long wait. She was rushed into trauma and immediately swarmed by doctors and nurses who swiftly attached her to various monitors and tubes. At that point, she was virtually unable to breathe! The next few hours were scary ones! Every time the oxygen was removed or she pulled it off, her levels plummeted. At one point, she was being given a bronchodilator (rescue medication) every 30 minutes. Normal use would be every 4 to 6 hours! That caused her poor little heart to work overtime, adding to her distress.

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Picture 4Poor pregnant Mommy was wearing out fast and I wanted nothing more than to jump in the car and head for Calgary. Unfortunately, we couldn’t do that. The nurse was coming from Red Deer this morning to give me my regular Sandostatin injection and there are a number of other appointments and meetings this week that we really need to be here for. Fortunately, Melaina did what Moms do. She hung in there and stayed by her little princess’ side all night long. At one point, they were talking about moving Jami to ICU but things began to turn around after she was given an IV steroid.

Now, 24 hours after heading for the hospital, Jami is off oxygen and rebounding as children so often do. She’s finally being moved out of ER to a regular ward. Hopefully both she and her Mom can get some rest while they’re there. Even when she’s discharged, the battle won’t be over. The struggle to find the right combination of medications to keep this from happening again will go on and sadly, there may be more nights like this one.

Yes, I remember those quiet night time feedings but asthma runs in the family and I also remember the nights when we were up with Jami’s Uncle Matt watching his poor little chest pop in and out as he battled for every breath. It’s hard to watch your children suffer and it doesn’t get any easier when they have children of their own!

Once a mother, always a mother!

Best things

/ edebock / 10 Comments

One of the best things about Richard and I both being teachers was our two month summer vacations. When our children were young, we spent many of those summers on the road with our tent trailer in tow. I called it our gypsy wagon. Our kids have been to the northern tip of Newfoundland and seen the midnight sun in Inuvik, NWT. They’ve hiked a portion of the Chilkoot Trail out of Skagway, Alaska and under Utah’s hot desert sun. They’ve stood in an Anasazi cliff dwelling in southwestern Colorado and on the rim of the Grand Canyon. Melaina still has Michaela, the handmade doll she bought from a street vendor by that name in Tijuana, Mexico.

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Every night, as I tucked the children into their trailer beds and listened to their prayers, I asked each one “What was your best thing today?” Their answers often surprised me. We might have toured a historic site that day or viewed an amazing  natural phenomenon but a child’s answer was often something simple like the puppy they played with in the campground or roasting marshmallows over the fire.

Now grown with kids of their own, both Matthew and Melaina have introduced a similar practice into the daily lives of their own children. Every evening, as part of four-year-old Sam’s bedtime routine, Matt and Robin ask him what his best thing that day was. They record his answer in a little notebook and one of them draws a picture to go with it. It’s not about producing great works of art but rather, about remembering the moments that are important in the day to day life of their little boy. They plan to start a similar journal for Nate when he turns three next month. What treasures those little books will become down through the years.

At Melaina’s house, when the family gathers for supper, one of the children asks the other “What was your favourite today?” Soon everyone around the table is asked to share the best thing from their day. What a great way to teach children to show appreciation for the good things in their lives.

In addition to getting back into shape physically, I’ve decided that another step toward banishing my “why bother” attitude ought to be to begin looking for the best things in each of my own days. Even the most mundane or difficult days have blessings in them if we take the time to look for them.

Today was one of those days when it would have been easy to focus on the negative but choosing the best thing was easy. My best thing was arriving home safely after our drive to the city and back for a long awaited MRI on Richard’s shoulder. We expected winter driving conditions, of course, but we didn’t expect rain at -16ºC (3ºF) and we certainly didn’t expect the lunatic driver who flew out of a side road and spun out on the icy road right in front of us! Richard managed to swerve and avoid what could easily have been a deadly crash. I think there must have been angels watching over us! Come to think of it, maybe that was really the best thing.