Gender

I Am a Bacha Posh

Ukmina Manoori

9781629146812-us The subtitle of this short, but intriguing memoir, My Life as a Woman Living as a Man in Afghanistan, tells much about the content of the book, but it could also be misleading to those of us living in western cultures. This is not a book about living a trans experience.

“You will be a son, my daughter.” With these stunning words young Ukmina learned that she was to spend the remainder of her childhood as a boy. This had nothing to do with gender confusion on her part. In Afghanistan’s heavily patriarchal, male-dominated society, it is customary for some families, especially those without sons, to choose a daughter to live, dress and behave as a boy, even taking on a boy’s name. These children are known as bacha posh which means “dressed up as a boy” in the Persian dialect, Dari.

Families have various reasons for making this choice and there are no statistics on how many families have daughters living as bacha posh. In most cases, due to the somewhat secretive nature of the practice, only the family, close friends, and necessary health and education officials know the bacha posh’s biological sex.

As a bacha posh, a girl has all the freedoms denied to her as a member of the female sex. Instead of staying at home cooking and cleaning, she can move about freely in public, attending school, running errands, playing sports, and sometimes finding work to help the family make ends meet.

Once a bacha posh reaches puberty, however, she is expected to revert to traditional female roles putting on the veil, staying at home unless accompanied by a male, and preparing for an early marriage. What makes Ukmina’s story unique is that when that time came, she refused. Confronting societal and family pressure, she continued to live as a man, not because of gender dysphoria, but because she doesn’t want to give up the the rights and privileges of a male in Afghan society.

Ukmina’s choice paved the way for an extraordinary destiny. She acted as a scout for the resistance when the Soviet Union invaded Afghanistan and ultimately commanded the respect of everyone she encountered. There did come a period of time when she lived in isolation and fear of the Taliban and even of some of her fellow villagers who didn’t agree with her life choices. Eventually, however, she entered politics and as an elected member of her provincial council, fights tirelessly to improve women’s rights.

Rather than telling you any more of her story, I’m simply going to share three quotations that I think wrap up Ukmina’s thoughts about her experience and the life of women in Afghanistan.

“Living in men’s clothing has given me a certain freedom. A life as a woman in Afghanistan is a life of destruction.”

“I say to myself that I have sacrificed nothing. I have done what I had to do. I became what I was. I found my destiny. And there is nothing I lack.”

“I also told myself that women were beautiful creatures of God. Men were cruel. I often asked Allah: “Give me the power of men and the kindness of women.””

If a novel about bacha posh would be more to your liking, I would highly recommend The Pearl That Broke Its Shell by Nadia Hashimi.

pink shoes

Our grandson, Simon, loves the colour pink. He always has. Last week he was so excited to have finally grown into this pair of his sister’s hand-me-down shoes. He proudly wore them to school, but only once. The next morning he sadly told his mother that he would never wear them to school again because he was picked on so badly for wearing “girl” shoes. He’s in grade one. In my opinion, there’s something seriously wrong with a world where a little boy is bullied for wearing his favourite colour to school.

So how did pink become a girls’ colour anyway? It hasn’t always been. Historically, pink was just another colour worn by men and women alike. In many parts of the world, it still is.

In the past, in both Europe and North America, most parents dressed their children, boys and girls, in white dresses until they were about six years old, which was also when they usually had their first haircut. The outfit was practical. White cotton could be bleached and dresses made diaper changes easy.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt, age 2 1/2, wearing a gender neutral outfit.

In the mid 19th century, pastels became popular for babies, but at first they weren’t gender-specific. It wasn’t until just before World War I that pink and blue emerged as indicators of gender, but you might be surprised to learn that, at that time, pink was considered a boys’ colour and blue, a girls’! An article in the June 1918 issue of the trade publication Earnshaw’s Infants’ Department said, “The generally accepted rule is pink for the boys, and blue for the girls. The reason is that pink, being a more decided and stronger color, is more suitable for the boy, while blue, which is more delicate and dainty, is prettier for the girl.”

Babies of the 1940s were the first to be dressed in the sex-specific clothing and colours that we’re familiar with today. The popularity of pink for girls and blue for boys actually waned in the 1960s and 70s during the height of the women’s liberation movement. Parents who felt that dressing their daughters in feminine or stereotypically “girly” clothes might limit their opportunities for success favoured dressing their children in neutral colours and fashions, but by the 1980s, gender oriented children’s clothing was back in style.

It seems to me, however, that there’s a big discrepancy between what’s deemed acceptable for little boys and little girls. I suspect that many of the girls in Simon’s class wear blue to school. Are they bullied? No! Does anyone question their femininity? Of course not! Then why can’t a little boy wear pink shoes to school without being harassed?

Children aren’t born with prejudices about certain colours. That’s a learned behaviour. I lay the fault at the feet of fathers and grandfathers who were raised with the idea that pink is only for little girls and that a boy should never wear pink. Only when men become bold enough and secure enough in their own masculinity to take back the colour pink will it become just another colour again. Only then will Simon be able to wear his favourite colour without fear of being tormented.