Where does my strength come from?

In the six months since my cancer was diagnosed, (yes, it’s been six months already!) many of you have commented on my strength. While I’m both flattered and encouraged by your kind words, I feel I must give credit where credit is due.

The strength you speak of is not my own. I believe with all my heart that it comes from my relationship with the living God, creator of the universe. Oh, it’s true that tough times in the past have made me stronger and I’d be remiss not to mention that I have the support of a loving husband, family, friends and community but ultimately, if it were not for my relationship with God, I’d probably be a basket case by now!

I grew up in a church-going family but by the time I reached my late teens, I’d turned my back on the things I was taught and gone my own way. It wasn’t until I’d made a huge mess of my life that I heard something I’d never heard in all those years of Sunday School and church. I heard about a God who wanted to have a personal relationship with me and that made all the difference in the world! It wasn’t about a religion and following a bunch of old-fashioned rules. It was simply about someone who could take the mess I’d made out of my life and turn it into something beautiful. That’s where my strength comes from!

Does the fact that I have cancer mean that God has forgotten me or worse yet, that he doesn’t exist? Absolutely not! I have no idea why he has allowed this to happen but I am confident that the words of Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” are as true for me today as they were for the Jews who were living in exile in Babylon in the days of the prophet.

In addition to acknowledging the true source of my strength, I must also admit that I had an amazing example in my oldest daughter who died at the age of five following a 14 month battle with leukemia. She endured so much more than I have with incredible dignity and grace. Though her wee body was ravaged by chemotherapy and radiation, her faith never wavered! She certainly knew where her strength came from and her legacy lives on in those whose lives she touched. I am inspired to fight the fight as well as she did!

Ready to go home after an 8 weeks stay in hospital

Ready to go home after an 8 week stay in hospital

A time to be born and a time…

Hello world, I’m back!

I spent most of the past two weeks in seclusion due to the high level of radioactivity caused by my most recent cancer treatment. Yesterday was my first day of freedom and I was out of the house almost as often as I had been over the prior fourteen days! There’s not a lot to blog about when you sit at home all day every day. I rested a lot at first, read several good books and resumed my exercise routine as soon as I felt up to it. I also frittered away a fair amount of time on the internet, my lifeline to the outside world.

Now that I’m free, able to be out and about, I can’t help wondering what the next few weeks will hold. We’re eagerly awaiting the birth of our fifth grandchild and hoping to be in Calgary when he arrives. Our daughter, Melaina, isn’t technically due until mid March but the little fellow is threatening to come early and we’ve reached the point where we need to be ready to jump in the car at a moment’s notice.

At the same time, in Vancouver, my 91-year-old diabetic mother who suffers from severe dementia has been hospitalized with a gangrenous toe and we’re awaiting the doctor’s decision regarding whether or not her foot should be amputated! What an agonizing decision for my father to have to make. Mom is already confined to a wheelchair so losing a foot won’t change her quality of life significantly. It’s the surgery itself that worries us. That and the fact that gangrene is a serious and life threatening condition. Has the infection been caught soon enough or will it continue to spread? At the same time that we’re saying hello to the newest member of the family, will we also be saying good bye to the oldest, his great grandmother?

Ecclesiastes tells us “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die” but the life in between can sure be tough sometimes!

Dad & Mom

My parents

Once a Mom…

When do you stop being a Mom? Is it when they graduate high school? when they leave home? when they marry? or is it when they have children of their own? No, the answer is never! You never stop being a Mom!

I still remember getting up at 2:00 a.m. and then again at 6:00 to feed the baby. Tired as I was, I enjoyed those peaceful moments; just the baby and I. There was no baby to feed last night though. Instead, I was up periodically checking Facebook to find out the latest news on our three-year-old granddaughter who was rushed to Children’s Hospital in Calgary late yesterday afternoon suffering from a severe asthma attack, her third in the past five months.

When Jami arrived at emergency, there was no long wait. She was rushed into trauma and immediately swarmed by doctors and nurses who swiftly attached her to various monitors and tubes. At that point, she was virtually unable to breathe! The next few hours were scary ones! Every time the oxygen was removed or she pulled it off, her levels plummeted. At one point, she was being given a bronchodilator (rescue medication) every 30 minutes. Normal use would be every 4 to 6 hours! That caused her poor little heart to work overtime, adding to her distress.

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Picture 4Poor pregnant Mommy was wearing out fast and I wanted nothing more than to jump in the car and head for Calgary. Unfortunately, we couldn’t do that. The nurse was coming from Red Deer this morning to give me my regular Sandostatin injection and there are a number of other appointments and meetings this week that we really need to be here for. Fortunately, Melaina did what Moms do. She hung in there and stayed by her little princess’ side all night long. At one point, they were talking about moving Jami to ICU but things began to turn around after she was given an IV steroid.

Now, 24 hours after heading for the hospital, Jami is off oxygen and rebounding as children so often do. She’s finally being moved out of ER to a regular ward. Hopefully both she and her Mom can get some rest while they’re there. Even when she’s discharged, the battle won’t be over. The struggle to find the right combination of medications to keep this from happening again will go on and sadly, there may be more nights like this one.

Yes, I remember those quiet night time feedings but asthma runs in the family and I also remember the nights when we were up with Jami’s Uncle Matt watching his poor little chest pop in and out as he battled for every breath. It’s hard to watch your children suffer and it doesn’t get any easier when they have children of their own!

Once a mother, always a mother!

Who’s your googleganger?

Googleganger!

Isn’t that an awesome word? Okay, I admit it; I’m a word nerd, but you’ve just got to love the sound of that one!

As part of getting back on track, I’ve walked 8.5 miles (almost 14 km) on the treadmill over the past nine days. In addition to enjoying scenic pathways in Hawaii, Egypt and along Italy’s Amalfi coast via virtual walk DVDs, I’ve also gone back to watching my video course, The Secret Life of Words: English Words and Their Origins. That’s where I came across the word, googleganger.

Voted the 2007 Most Creative Word of the Year by the American Dialect Society, (yes, there are organizations for word nerds like me!) a googleganger is a person with your name who shows up when you Google yourself. It’s an adaptation of the word, doppelganger, meaning a ghostly double of a living person or someone who looks eerily like you but isn’t a twin.

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Believe it or not, I don’t have a googleganger. There are no other Elaine DeBocks to be found on the internet! The closest is Lisa Elaine Debock, a lawyer in New York state.

Most of the DeBocks in North America are descendants of Joseph Leopold DeBock who left his homeland, Belgium, as a young man of 25 and settled in the United States in 1870. Some branches of the family have since dropped the capital B so it’s possible that Lisa Elaine is a distant relative.

If I really want a googleganger, however, I can find plenty of them by searching my maiden name which is much more common. The best known among those is a 1950s film star!

So, who is your googleganger? You have Googled your name haven’t you?

Best things

One of the best things about Richard and I both being teachers was our two month summer vacations. When our children were young, we spent many of those summers on the road with our tent trailer in tow. I called it our gypsy wagon. Our kids have been to the northern tip of Newfoundland and seen the midnight sun in Inuvik, NWT. They’ve hiked a portion of the Chilkoot Trail out of Skagway, Alaska and under Utah’s hot desert sun. They’ve stood in an Anasazi cliff dwelling in southwestern Colorado and on the rim of the Grand Canyon. Melaina still has Michaela, the handmade doll she bought from a street vendor by that name in Tijuana, Mexico.

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Every night, as I tucked the children into their trailer beds and listened to their prayers, I asked each one “What was your best thing today?” Their answers often surprised me. We might have toured a historic site that day or viewed an amazing  natural phenomenon but a child’s answer was often something simple like the puppy they played with in the campground or roasting marshmallows over the fire.

Now grown with kids of their own, both Matthew and Melaina have introduced a similar practice into the daily lives of their own children. Every evening, as part of four-year-old Sam’s bedtime routine, Matt and Robin ask him what his best thing that day was. They record his answer in a little notebook and one of them draws a picture to go with it. It’s not about producing great works of art but rather, about remembering the moments that are important in the day to day life of their little boy. They plan to start a similar journal for Nate when he turns three next month. What treasures those little books will become down through the years.

At Melaina’s house, when the family gathers for supper, one of the children asks the other “What was your favourite today?” Soon everyone around the table is asked to share the best thing from their day. What a great way to teach children to show appreciation for the good things in their lives.

In addition to getting back into shape physically, I’ve decided that another step toward banishing my “why bother” attitude ought to be to begin looking for the best things in each of my own days. Even the most mundane or difficult days have blessings in them if we take the time to look for them.

Today was one of those days when it would have been easy to focus on the negative but choosing the best thing was easy. My best thing was arriving home safely after our drive to the city and back for a long awaited MRI on Richard’s shoulder. We expected winter driving conditions, of course, but we didn’t expect rain at -16ºC (3ºF) and we certainly didn’t expect the lunatic driver who flew out of a side road and spun out on the icy road right in front of us! Richard managed to swerve and avoid what could easily have been a deadly crash. I think there must have been angels watching over us! Come to think of it, maybe that was really the best thing.

Imperfect Christmas

Other than the sounds of the washer and dryer chugging their way through a mountain of bedding and towels, our house is a great deal quieter and seems much larger than it did yesterday! With the departure of our children and grandchildren, we’ve gone from twelve people back to three.

There was a time when I harboured unrealistic expectations for Christmas time imagining carols quietly playing while angelic children and happy adults enjoyed one another’s company without a hint of discord. Meals would be perfectly turned out and everyone would gather around the table looking like we belonged in a Norman Rockwell painting.

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Expectations like that are #1 on The Big Sheep Blog’s list of the Top 10 Ways to Inflict Holiday Torture Upon Yourself!  This year, I decided ahead of time that I didn’t need the stress of unrealized fantasies. Instead, I chose to toss them out the window and go with the flow. Thank goodness I did!

One family arrived with nasty colds and another brought stomach flu. Over the past week, the two ailments were passed around with only Richard and I failing to succumb to either one! We’re chalking that up to our many years in the classroom where we were exposed to every bug that came along. In addition to the coughing, sneezing and vomiting that surrounded us, one of the wee ones spiked a high fever and she also required a late Christmas night trip to ER for a nose that wouldn’t stop bleeding!

It isn’t easy being sick away from home and it’s even more difficult with young children. Add to that the dynamics created by families with very different parenting styles and philosophies and the crowded house held even more potential for dissension. It was noisy, it was chaotic, it was messy and at times, nerves were frayed, but it was also wonderful to have all my chicks under one roof.

Games have always been part of our family get-togethers and even the youngest members got in on the action.

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Even when the temperature plunged to -25ºC (-13ºF), the children, who ranged in age from two to five, were happy to play outdoors. Snow was shoveled

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and quinzees built.

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The playground was visited.

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We skated

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and tobogganed.

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And when it was too cold or tummies were too tender, stories were read.

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It might not have been a Norman Rockwell painting and it wasn’t perfect but it was Christmas, we were together and I am thankful.

Dinosaur adventure

At the beginning of June, when we were still in China, Richard received an email from our then three-year-old grandson, Sam, transcribed by his Dad.

“I want to take you to the dinosaur museum with us when we go to your house.”

Sam and his family, who live in Vancouver, are here to spend Christmas with us and today we made the long awaited trip to the dinosaur museum. Located a few kilometres from Drumheller in the heart of the Canadian badlands, the Royal Tyrrell Museum of Palaeontology is one of Alberta’s primary tourist attractions as well as a world class centre of palaeontological research.

The boys were wildly excited about today’s adventure. When our daughter-in-law, Robin, woke them early this morning, two-year-old Nate jumped out of bed and announced loudly, “We’re going to the dinosaur museum! I need my shoes on!”

It was -29ºC (-20ºF) and dark when we piled into the vehicles and began the almost three hour drive.

Though we’ve visited many times, the museum never ceases to impress us. There are amazing dioramas

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and faces that only a mother could love

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but it’s the bones that I find the most astounding, especially the towering skeletons.

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Sharing another of our province’s highlights with Sheila was fun. There she is, knee high to a dinosaur!

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Keeping up with an exited two-year-old was challenging though. There he goes!

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The boys were done by noon so after lunch in the museum cafeteria, Matt and Robin headed homeward with them while Richard, Sheila and I spent a while longer at the museum and then drove through the valley to the hoodoos, sandstone towers that formed when softer rock eroded away. By this time, the temperature had climbed to -18ºC (0ºF) so we ventured out of the warm car for a quick walk amongst the stately pillars.

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Our last stop before leaving the valley was Bernie & the Boys Bistro in the town of Drumheller. Sheila wasn’t sure if she’d ever had a milkshake and Bernie’s has 71 flavours to choose from! She chose blueberry, a flavour that’s become a favourite of hers since arriving in Canada, and I had chocolate raspberry truffle! Definitely a delicious way to end to a great adventure!

The spirit of Christmas

“A very Merry GIFTMAS!” proclaims the latest Canadian Tire advertising flier. Really? Is that what this season is all about?

Sadly, for too many people Christmas has become little more than a commercial frenzy and a time of ever increasing stress. We mouth the words to traditional carols announcing peace on earth, goodwill to men as we rush from store to store and bills pile up. Perhaps young families feel it the most. Mounting costs and time constraints make it difficult for them to find any peace and joy during this season.

My daughter’s latest Facebook status and her sister-in-law’s response say it so clearly.

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Over the years, we’ve tried to focus on the reason for the season and keep our Christmas preparations simple but obviously we need to look for ways to make it even less stressful; less about the gifts and the preparations and more about the CHRIST of Christmas.

Sharing our Christmas preparations with Sheila this year is making me more conscious of the things we do simply because we’ve always done them that way. There’s nothing wrong with traditions. In fact, they often make life easier. Planning Christmas dinner is simplified by the fact that we prepare basically the same meal year after year, but if those traditions become a source of stress and anxiety, perhaps they need to change.

I haven’t done a lot of decorating yet but, as always, the first thing to come out was the beautiful olive wood nativity set that my parents sent us from the Holy Land the year they spent Christmas there. As we put out each piece, Sheila, who had absolutely no idea why we celebrate Christmas, and I read the accounts of Jesus’ birth from Luke 2 and the visit of the magi from Matthew 2.

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But then, out came Santa Claus and I had to try to explain his role in the story.

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For that, I used another favourite ornament, my kneeling Santa. Perhaps he best symbolizes what I’m trying to say today; we need to find a way to ensure that the spirit of GIFTMAS bows before the true spirit of CHRISTMAS!

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The job that never ends!

We loved our jobs in China! By far the most fun was the time we spent with the students who were preparing to come to North America to study but this is definitely the first time we’ve brought a student home with us!

Three of my former students are now in Ontario enrolled in ESL programs at their colleges of choice and preparing to enter regular studies there in January. Since they arrived in Canada, I’ve spent lots of time communicating with them via email, Facebook and Skype, consoling and encouraging the one who is having a very difficult time adjusting, cheering on the other two, answering questions and helping them find information on everything from yoga classes to how to make healthy bagged lunches!

Sheila is my fourth student to arrive in Canada and she’s presently sound asleep in our guest bedroom! We picked her up at the Edmonton airport last night after her long flight from China and she’ll be with us for just over five weeks. On January 2, she’ll fly to Windsor, Ontario to begin her studies at St. Clair College.

We encouraged all of our students to spend their first month or two in Canada in a home stay setting to help them adjust to Canadian life and to allow them to practice their English in a home where they would be immersed in the language. Sadly, both girls who chose that option found themselves in homes that didn’t meet our expectations; homes where they were left to fend for themselves and not incorporated into a family atmosphere. They probably would have done just as well or better living in a dorm. That’s not the sort of experience we want to give Sheila!

I’ve waited to start decorating the house and doing my Christmas baking until Sheila’s arrival so that she can join in all the fun. After all, this will be her very first Christmas! The whole family is coming home this year so she’ll experience all the noise and fun of a family celebration.

In the meantime, there are lots of other things we want to show her; simple things like a typical Canadian grocery store and things we take for granted such as how to use the myriad of small appliances on my kitchen counter. There are places we want to take her like West Edmonton Mall and sights we want her to see like the spectacular Rocky Mountains. We’ve also arranged for her to be able to visit our local high school to see and experience how different it is from schools in China.

Before we embark on a whirlwind of activity, however, we’d better let her sleep awhile longer and give her a chance to start getting over her jet lag!

with Sheila in China

with Sheila in China

Remembrance

Imagine looking out the window of the family farmhouse at Seba Beach, Alberta and seeing the military vehicle pull into the yard. Pearl’s heart must have pounded as the men in uniform came up the walk with a telegram in hand. It was 1944 and three of her sons were in the midst of battle in Europe. Which one was it? Had she lost one of them?

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Glen was my father-in-law. He enrolled in the army in October of 1943 and was deployed in early January of the following year. He was just 18 years old.

We don’t know a lot about his wartime experiences. Like many who saw the gruesome face of war firsthand, he didn’t talk much about what he went through over there. We’ve only been able to piece together bits and pieces from the few things he did say and more recently, from his military record which our son requested from the Canadian Archives in Ottawa. We do know that he once spent several days in a foxhole behind enemy lines waiting to be rescued and we know that he probably suffered from what is now known as post traumatic stress disorder. According to Mother, for the rest of his life he would occasionally wake up cowering on the floor beside the bed. He was back in that foxhole terrified that, at any moment, an enemy soldier would find him and his life would be over.

Father had been in Europe for only nine months when he was seriously wounded and unable to return to action. A second telegram dated October 19, 1944 brought the incorrect news that the nature of his injury was “bomb fragment wounds to face and head.” A letter dated November 27, 1944 contained more accurate information.

“I am directed to inform you that official information has now been received from Canadian Military Headquarters Overseas advising that when your son, M-8247 Pte. Glen Marion DeBock, was wounded in action on the 6th October 1944, he suffered a bullet wound to the right orbit into the sphenoid sinus resulting in the loss of the right eye.”

He was lucky to be alive. Imagine taking a bullet to the head and surviving! He spent the remainder of 1944 in hospitals in the UK followed by another three months in Shaughnessy Hospital in Vancouver before finally being discharged with a prosthetic eye.  Life would never be the same for this young farm boy, however. He often suffered excruciating headaches and like many of his compatriots, he took to drowning his vivid memories in alcohol. It wasn’t until the final years of his life that he gave up drinking and found peace in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

On November 11, as we pause to remember, we give thanks for so many young boys who went off to war with high ideals and ended up paying for our freedoms with their lives; many making the ultimate sacrifice and others, like Father, surviving with shattered dreams and broken bodies. In reality, these are the men who gave us freedom of religion, freedom of speech, and all the other freedoms that we take for granted in this great land.

Let us never glorify war but let us remember those who were willing to go and fight on our behalf and those who continue to do so.

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