Faith

The spirit of Christmas

/ edebock / 4 Comments

“A very Merry GIFTMAS!” proclaims the latest Canadian Tire advertising flier. Really? Is that what this season is all about?

Sadly, for too many people Christmas has become little more than a commercial frenzy and a time of ever increasing stress. We mouth the words to traditional carols announcing peace on earth, goodwill to men as we rush from store to store and bills pile up. Perhaps young families feel it the most. Mounting costs and time constraints make it difficult for them to find any peace and joy during this season.

My daughter’s latest Facebook status and her sister-in-law’s response say it so clearly.

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Over the years, we’ve tried to focus on the reason for the season and keep our Christmas preparations simple but obviously we need to look for ways to make it even less stressful; less about the gifts and the preparations and more about the CHRIST of Christmas.

Sharing our Christmas preparations with Sheila this year is making me more conscious of the things we do simply because we’ve always done them that way. There’s nothing wrong with traditions. In fact, they often make life easier. Planning Christmas dinner is simplified by the fact that we prepare basically the same meal year after year, but if those traditions become a source of stress and anxiety, perhaps they need to change.

I haven’t done a lot of decorating yet but, as always, the first thing to come out was the beautiful olive wood nativity set that my parents sent us from the Holy Land the year they spent Christmas there. As we put out each piece, Sheila, who had absolutely no idea why we celebrate Christmas, and I read the accounts of Jesus’ birth from Luke 2 and the visit of the magi from Matthew 2.

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But then, out came Santa Claus and I had to try to explain his role in the story.

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For that, I used another favourite ornament, my kneeling Santa. Perhaps he best symbolizes what I’m trying to say today; we need to find a way to ensure that the spirit of GIFTMAS bows before the true spirit of CHRISTMAS!

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Beauty after the storm

/ edebock / 12 Comments

I’m in a somewhat better frame of mind than I was when I wrote my last post. There are a couple of reasons for that. First, I read this in my devotions earlier in the week.

“When faced with challenging trials we have two options: to cower and travel down the unproductive road of fear or to walk forward, believing that our risen King is fully in control of our lives.”          Kirsten Rose

It brought me up short and reminded me that while I can’t necessarily choose my circumstances, I can choose how I react to them. We all have a limited amount of time on this earth and I can choose to waste whatever time I have trembling in fear or I can be thankful that I’m feeling well and get on with living. It may not always be easy but it’s obviously the better choice.

Secondly, I had a chat with Karey, the nurse at the Cross who is the “go to” person for neuroendocrine cancer patients when we have questions or concerns. She explained that Sandostatin, the drug that I receive monthly injections of, is a “cold” or non-radioactive form of Octreotide while Lutetium, the new treatment that we’re awaiting government approval for, is radioactive Octreotide. I was under the impression that Sandostatin was only meant to control my symptoms but she assured me that it also has an effect on the tumours themselves and that though my facial tumour isn’t receptive to the mIBG that I received recently, the Sandostatin should be helping keep it under control. I may have been told that before, but there’s been so much to learn, so much information to absorb, that it obviously didn’t sink in. This time, it was reassuring.

Today was already the tenth day since my mIBG treatment. Only four more days of avoiding close contact with other people to protect them from my radioactivity! The time has passed quickly and it hasn’t been as difficult as I imagined it might be though not being able to even hug my hubby has been tough. The past three days have been particularly quiet as I sent him off to Calgary to spend a few days at our daughter’s. I had several projects around the house and a couple of good library books to keep me busy.

Yesterday, a winter storm covered most of our province with a heavy blanket of snow and very few people ventured out but this morning we woke to blue sky and glorious sunshine. Since I couldn’t go to church, I bundled up and took my camera out to capture the beauty that the storm left behind.

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A friend loaded up his snow blower and brought it across town to clear my driveway before going to church himself! When I looked out and saw him, I felt the arms of God wrapped around me!

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Riding the roller coaster

/ edebock / 28 Comments

I saw my tumours yesterday. I drove myself to Edmonton for a post therapy scan and a follow up consultation with one of the doctors. He showed me the results of the scan and there they were, lit up on the screen like mini suns; one in my colon, two on my liver and a little one in a lymph node in the middle of my abdomen. That was the good news. It meant that the mIBG that I was given on Friday had, in fact, adhered to the tumours and was beginning to do battle with them.

Unfortunately, there was also bad news. A CT scan of my head and neck, done prior to my treatment on Friday, shows that I also have a growth in the left side of my face. They were unsure about that one after the initial diagnostic tests. Unfortunately, it did not light up on yesterday’s scan which means that, unlike my other growths, it’s not receptive to mIBG and it isn’t presently being treated.

It does appear to be receptive to Lutetium, however, but that’s a newer radioisotope treatment that isn’t presently being funded by the government. The Cross is in the process of setting up a clinical trial that will give them funding for Lutetium but it takes time to wade through the red tape involved in that. It should be available for use early in the new year but it would have been so much better if my facial tumour had been receptive to both medications. That would have given us more in the arsenal to fight with. Apparently, due to it’s location, it isn’t a good candidate for surgical removal either.

I’ve heard it said that having cancer is like riding a roller coaster and now I understand. I had crawled to the top of a hill and was feeling great; then came the sudden drop!

Perhaps today is a good day to remind myself of the things that cancer cannot do.

What Cancer Cannot Do

Cancer is so limited…

It cannot cripple
LOVE

It cannot shatter
HOPE

It cannot corrode
FAITH

It cannot destroy
PEACE

It cannot kill
FRIENDSHIP

It cannot suppress
MEMORIES

It cannot silence
COURAGE

It cannot invade the
SOUL

It cannot steal
ETERNAL LIFE

It cannot conquer
THE SPIRIT

Author Unknown

Remembrance

/ edebock / 16 Comments

Imagine looking out the window of the family farmhouse at Seba Beach, Alberta and seeing the military vehicle pull into the yard. Pearl’s heart must have pounded as the men in uniform came up the walk with a telegram in hand. It was 1944 and three of her sons were in the midst of battle in Europe. Which one was it? Had she lost one of them?

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Glen was my father-in-law. He enrolled in the army in October of 1943 and was deployed in early January of the following year. He was just 18 years old.

We don’t know a lot about his wartime experiences. Like many who saw the gruesome face of war firsthand, he didn’t talk much about what he went through over there. We’ve only been able to piece together bits and pieces from the few things he did say and more recently, from his military record which our son requested from the Canadian Archives in Ottawa. We do know that he once spent several days in a foxhole behind enemy lines waiting to be rescued and we know that he probably suffered from what is now known as post traumatic stress disorder. According to Mother, for the rest of his life he would occasionally wake up cowering on the floor beside the bed. He was back in that foxhole terrified that, at any moment, an enemy soldier would find him and his life would be over.

Father had been in Europe for only nine months when he was seriously wounded and unable to return to action. A second telegram dated October 19, 1944 brought the incorrect news that the nature of his injury was “bomb fragment wounds to face and head.” A letter dated November 27, 1944 contained more accurate information.

“I am directed to inform you that official information has now been received from Canadian Military Headquarters Overseas advising that when your son, M-8247 Pte. Glen Marion DeBock, was wounded in action on the 6th October 1944, he suffered a bullet wound to the right orbit into the sphenoid sinus resulting in the loss of the right eye.”

He was lucky to be alive. Imagine taking a bullet to the head and surviving! He spent the remainder of 1944 in hospitals in the UK followed by another three months in Shaughnessy Hospital in Vancouver before finally being discharged with a prosthetic eye.  Life would never be the same for this young farm boy, however. He often suffered excruciating headaches and like many of his compatriots, he took to drowning his vivid memories in alcohol. It wasn’t until the final years of his life that he gave up drinking and found peace in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

On November 11, as we pause to remember, we give thanks for so many young boys who went off to war with high ideals and ended up paying for our freedoms with their lives; many making the ultimate sacrifice and others, like Father, surviving with shattered dreams and broken bodies. In reality, these are the men who gave us freedom of religion, freedom of speech, and all the other freedoms that we take for granted in this great land.

Let us never glorify war but let us remember those who were willing to go and fight on our behalf and those who continue to do so.

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What about Halloween?

/ edebock / 10 Comments

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We went to church with a dinosaur this morning; a bright orange Tyrannosaurus Rex named Sam! To the left of us, there were two little pumpkins and to the right, a ladybug and a monkey. A spotted leopard sat in front of us and as I looked around the sanctuary I spotted a ballet dancer, a fireman, a pirate, and a clown. R2-D2 and Princess Leia were there too but there were no witches, ghosts or ghouls. “Let’s be more creative than that,” parents at Cap Church were told last Sunday when it was announced that the Cap kids could wear their Halloween costumes to church today.

Whether or not we should participate in Halloween has become a great debate within the Christian church. There is no doubt that the celebration has its roots in ancient pagan rites and superstitions and it’s also a holy day for those who practice Wicca, a modern religious cult that engages in witchcraft. For most people, however, Halloween is simply a secular day of fun. It has religious significance only to those who give it religious significance. To my mind, if some people feel uncomfortable participating in Halloween activities, then they should refrain from doing so but the rest of us should simply be discerning and avoid those activities that might detract from our Christian witness. It also behooves us to avoid judging those who make decisions different from our own.

Personally, I applaud the approach taken by Cap Church. In an article published in recent church bulletins, Pastor Emeritus, Paddy Ducklow, wrote about what he called “the issue of how our faith impacts our culture and neighbourhood, or how surrounding values harm our kids.” He wrote first of safety, urging parents to teach their children how to be safe in an unsafe world. He also advised them to show the closeness and care of God by being with their children. He encouraged Christian men to exhibit a “father’s heart” during a potentially scary time by going door to door with their children as they trick-or-treat. He recommended that parents use Halloween as an opportunity to help their children make righteous choices, staying away from images of witchcraft, death and violence. I especially appreciated his recommendation that parents make Halloween an opportunity to know and enjoy their neighbours. Rather than being aloof, avoiding contact with our neighbourhood on a night when many are out and about having fun, Halloween is a great opportunity to engage with them.

I would love to know where you stand on this contentious topic. If you do choose to comment, however, please show respect for those who express an opinion different from your own. I’d love to see a lively conversation develop but no personal attacks.

Reason to celebrate!

/ edebock / 31 Comments

We came away from our meeting at the Cross Cancer Institute yesterday feeling relieved and very thankful. The doctor we met with actually used the words “good news” and spoke of long term survival.

The first piece of positive news is that the cancer has not spread to my lungs or any other major organs! Other than the growths that we were already aware of in my colon and my liver, the only definite spread is to one lymph node in my thorax. There may also be something in the left side of my face so I’m to have a CT scan of my head and neck sometime soon to get a better read on that.

The very best news is that my cancer proved to be receptive to both mIBG and Lutetium, the two radioisotopes that I was injected with last week. This means that I am an excellent candidate for the newest and very best treatment available for neuroendocrine tumours. How fortunate I am to live close to Edmonton, the first centre in North America to begin offering this kind of therapy! I will receive an injection of one of these radioactive agents approximately once every three months. It will basically seek out the cancerous growths and attack them. This has a very good chance of stopping the cancer from growing and spreading, basically making it dormant, or actually shrinking the growths. There are no major side effects and patients can live for many years on this kind of treatment.

Though it doesn’t happen often, there have been rare cases where the cancer has disappeared completely but we were cautioned that even if this happens it is very likely to reoccur. The goal of this therapy is control, not cure but I continue to hang onto the hem and pray for a miracle! Should God choose not to grant complete healing, however, it is reassuring to know that there’s still reason to believe that I’ll be around for quite awhile!

Surgery to remove the primary tumour from my colon may be an option at some point in the future but chemotherapy is not particularly effective in fighting neuroendocrine tumours and is only used as a last resort when other therapies aren’t effective. So, I won’t be losing my hair! I actually would have been okay with that and even have friends who were willing to shave their heads as a sign of solidarity but with winter coming on, perhaps it’s good that we get to keep our hair. Bald is beautiful but it could also be very chilly!

In addition to the radioisotope therapy, I’ll also be receiving monthly injections of Sandostatin, a medication that will inhibit the release of hormones by my tumours and thus alleviate the symptoms that I’ve been dealing with, particularly the nasty stomach cramps that have worsened recently. Unlike the radioisotope injections, which I will have to go to Edmonton for, my first dose of Sandostatin will be administered by my family doctor and after that, a visiting nurse will give them to me here at home.

Sandostatin will also protect my heart from damage which can be caused by excess hormones. That leads me to the final piece of good news; last week’s echocardiogram showed that my heart is in excellent condition. Though I’ve probably had this cancer for several years already, it shows absolutely no sign of damage and I don’t need to restrict physical activity or take any other precautions. I can continue doing my 20+ push ups every morning!

As yesterday was also our 37th wedding anniversary and we felt that we had a lot to be thankful for, we stopped for a lovely celebration supper on our way home. I was even going to indulge in a decadent dessert but when nothing on the menu appealed to me, we headed for Starbucks and enjoyed pumpkin spice lattes for dessert. After all, they’re practically hot pumpkin pie in a mug!

Next on the agenda is another trip to the city tomorrow, this time to attend an afternoon session entitled “A Journey of Well-Being with Neuroendocrine Tumours” where we’ll hear from the experts about a variety of topics including the latest treatments, nutrition and how to use it beneficially, and how to live the best life possible with this diagnosis. This will also give us an opportunity to meet other patients, their friends and family members, and survivors as well as more of the health professionals.

O Canada

/ edebock / 8 Comments

Prominent women in Canada are agitating to change the wording of our national anthem. Author, Margaret Atwood, and former prime minister, Kim Campbell, are amongst those who are lending their voices to the campaign to rid the song of what they consider sexist language. Apparently, they are offended by the line “in all thy sons command”.

Canada flagWe Canadians are constantly making changes to our national symbols. In fact, we seem to be a bit unsure of our real identity. The present flag isn’t the one that flew over my elementary school and this wouldn’t be the first time that our national anthem was altered. The offending line in the original anthem, written by Robert Stanley Weir in 1908, read “thou dost in us command” but in 1914, Weir himself changed it to its present wording. Considering that, at that time in our history, women were not yet legally considered persons, this could possibly be construed as a sexist sentiment, implying that only male loyalty was being invoked, but does anyone truly believe that it means that today?

Rather than reverting to the archaic language of the original line, “in all of us command” is being proposed as the new gender-neutral version. While I don’t really have a problem with this, I can’t help feeling that only a very insecure woman would actually feel excluded by the present wording. If women like Atwood and Campbell are truly concerned about the plight of women, I’d far rather see them take a global view and speak out against issues that really matter; issues like poverty, illiteracy, female genital mutilation, forced marriage and honour killing that continue to endanger the lives of girls and women in many parts of the world.

According to Atwood, “Restoring these lyrics to gender-neutral is not only an easy fix to make our anthem inclusive for all Canadians, but it’s also long overdue.” Really? That one little change would make it all-inclusive? What about the second line, “Our home and native land”? Does that include our 6.8 million foreign-born residents? More than 20% of our population is not native to Canada.

And then, I almost hate to mention “God keep our land” which was also not part of the original song. As a Christian, I certainly don’t want to see that part deleted but does it include the many Canadians who follow other gods or no god at all?

Regardless of how our national anthem is worded, I’m very thankful to be Canadian right now. In many countries, our life savings would be rapidly eaten up by the cost of my medical care and our retirement would be in jeopardy. Instead, when we meet with the doctors tomorrow to discuss treatment, we don’t have to worry about whether or not we can afford it. In Canada, we don’t pay a cent! Now, that’s really something to sing about!

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First day at the Cross

/ edebock / 20 Comments

After finding our way from the parkade to the registration desk and being issued the red and white Cross Cancer Institute ID card that I’m supposed to show each time I enter the facility, we started our first day there with a new patient orientation session. In my mind’s eye, I had visualized us sitting in a classroom with several other brand new shocked and bewildered patients listening to someone give us an overview of how things work at the Cross. Instead, the two of us sat on a comfy couch in a cozy corner of the patient library and chatted with a volunteer, a colon cancer survivor who was treated at the Cross about 15 years ago. He shared a little of his own experience, told us about the services and resources that are available to patients and their families, gave us excellent suggestions about dealing with the practical and emotional challenges of living with cancer and encouraged us to take an active role in my care.

Of all the many volunteers who perform this service, God sent us Gar! About mid way through his presentation, while telling us about the psychosocial and spiritual resources that are available, he made this comment, “People have many different ways of dealing with cancer but I just put mine in the hands of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!” I replied with a resounding “Amen!” Gar was one of us and God had put him right where we needed him when we needed him there.

Following our chat, Gar took us on a tour of the facility making sure that he clearly pointed out the various places that I’d need to return to later. By the time we hugged and said good-bye, we felt much more at ease.

After a quick bite to eat, it was time for our first visit to the Nuclear Medicine department where I received my mIBG injection. This was the first of two injections of radioactive drugs that will aid in determining the extent to which my cancer has spread. Tomorrow, I’ll return for a full body scan, which will involve lying perfectly still for up to an hour, followed by the injection of the second drug.

A visit to the lab, where blood was taken, brought today’s appointments to an end. Over the four weeks since this journey started, I’ve been poked numerous times including three tries to get an IV started the day I had my colonoscopy. I must say that the gals at the Cross have been the gentlest so far. I hardly felt the two needles that entered my arms today!

Before we left the Cross this afternoon, we visited the gift shop where we stocked up on used books for $1.00 apiece and then headed out into the sunshine to find the geocache that’s hidden on the hospital property! It was placed there in April 2010 by a young geocacher who wanted to honour his twin sister, a breast cancer patient at the Cross.

I was pretty tired this afternoon, probably just a response to the emotional overload of getting this far, but after resting a bit and enjoying the first meal our youngest son has ever cooked for us, I’m recharged and ready to go back again tomorrow.

Hanging on

/ edebock / 20 Comments

I have long identified with the woman described in Luke 8: 42-48.

The woman who touched the hem of his garment

As Jesus was on his way, the crowds almost crushed him. And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years, but no one could heal her. She came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak, and immediately her bleeding stopped.

“Who touched me?” Jesus asked.

When they all denied it, Peter said, “Master, all the people are crowding and pressing against you.”

But Jesus said, “Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out from me.”

Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed. Then he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.”

For many years, I suffered from anemia as the result of circumstances somewhat similar to this woman’s. I cried out for healing but nothing changed. Eventually surgery alleviated the problem and my strength returned.

Now I face a much bigger challenge. You’re so strong, people tell me. You’re exceedingly brave, say others, but I don’t feel particularly brave and my strength alone is not enough for this! So how am I coping? Why do I appear to be so strong?

I’m hanging on to the hem of Jesus’ garment! Not just touching it but hanging on! I actually find myself reaching out and clasping my hand several times a day and I can almost feel the well worn fabric between my fingers! Unlike the New Testament woman, however, I’m not hiding in the crowd. No, I’m boldly telling Jesus that I’m hanging on to his garment and asking him for the miracle of healing. It may sound weird to some people but it helps enormously.

This is not the first time that I’ve faced what seemed to be insurmountable challenges but each time, God has brought me through. The outcomes haven’t always been what I asked for but he has always given me the strength I needed to go on. These experiences are what my dear retired pastor’s wife refers to as the “stepping stones” of our faith and they give us confidence that God won’t ever let us down.

So, with the prayerful support of many loving people behind me, I will keep on hanging on and taking one step at a time!

Victoria’s Quilts

/ edebock / 10 Comments

I received a gift lovingly made by a total stranger today! Victoria’s Quilts Canada is a non-profit charitable organization with branches across the country that provides hand made quilts to comfort cancer patients and keep them warm during treatments.

Victoria’s Quilts was founded in the US by Deb Rogers as a tribute to her sister-in-law, Victoria, who had herself been a quilter. With Deb’s blessing, Ottawa resident Betty Giffin, seeking a way to share her faith and her love of quilting, started the Canadian organization in October of 2000. From its humble beginning with just 12 women, the organization has grown to include more than 800 volunteers who distribute approximately 400 quilts every month to cancer patients across the land.

Each Victoria’s Quilt is unique. Backed with soft flannel, they are very durable and can be machine washed and dried. There is absolutely no cost to the quilt recipient or the person who requests it and anyone can request a quilt for a friend or loved one by simply visiting the Victoria’s Quilts Canada website.

My quilt was requested by my friend Anne, an avid quilter who volunteers with the Russell, Ontario chapter of Victoria’s Quilts. Presently battling her second bout of cancer, Anne knows first hand what the quilt recipients go through.

You would think that the person who chose my quilt knew me personally. It’s the colours of our livingroom and is absolutely gorgeous! You probably can’t see it in the photo but the darker pieces of fabric have an ancient Egyptian motif printed on them in gold which adds an exotic flair. It’s large enough to wrap myself in if treatments leave me chilly or to snuggle under if I need a nap and, like all Victoria’s Quilts, it came with its own carry bag.

A label sewn on the back of the quilt identifies it as a Victoria’s Quilt and includes the scripture that Deb Rogers found comfort in after the death of her best friend and sister-in-law, Victoria.

“Be strong and of good courage, do not be afraid or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”  Joshua 1:9

While the quilt will keep me warm, the verse will be a source of comfort and strength during difficult days.

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Today’s package came at a perfect time when I really needed a pick me up. There’s nothing too serious going on but I’ve been getting frustrated and a little anxious waiting to hear when my next appointments will be. I know that these things take time but it’s hard to be patient! Keeping busy helps and tomorrow I’m going to do that by playing in our local ladies golf tournament which is always a lot of fun!