Body image

We’re not decorations!

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In the wake of International Women’s Day, I came across a couple of quotes that made me stop and think. More than a decade ago, blogger Erin McKean, writer of A Dress A Day, wrote:

You Don’t Have to Be Pretty. You don’t owe prettiness to anyone. Not to your boyfriend/spouse/partner, not to your co-workers, especially not to random men on the street. You don’t owe it to your mother, you don’t owe it to your children, you don’t owe it to civilization in general. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked “female”.

Then, on March 8, International Women’s Day, Susan B. of une femme d’un certain âge wrote:

You don’t owe it to the world to look taller and thinner. You don’t owe it to the world to look younger or more conventionally attractive. You only owe it to yourself to be authentic, to wear what feels right. 

Profound!

Why do we, as women, feel the need to conform to some preconceived image of beauty? Negative body image, often fuelled by media and advertising, contributes to eating disorders, depression, anxiety, relationship problems, substance abuse, and a variety of other health issues. It’s time for us as women to say no more. We are NOT decorations!

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be pretty, but the question I would ask is why? Why do you want to look or dress a certain way? Is it to please yourself or someone else?

Whether your approach to fashion tends toward minimalism like this look from Jessture by Jessica Hu,

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is colourful and eclectic like Iris Apfel’s,

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or falls somewhere in between, discover your unique style and feel true to who you are. It’s so much more important to be happy and healthy than to fit someone else’s idea of pretty, sexy, or alluring. After all, you’re a person of immeasurable value, not a decoration!

Show yourself a little love

/ edebock / 8 Comments

LogoI’m easily frustrated by the messages that advertising and social media give women about their bodies. Perhaps that’s why I was so moved by a poem that I ran across this week. Written by Hollie Holden, it first appeared on her Notes on Living & Loving Facebook page in June 2016.

Today I asked my body what she needed, 
Which is a big deal 
Considering my journey of 
Not Really Asking That Much.

I thought she might need more water. 
Or protein. 
Or greens. 
Or yoga. 
Or supplements. 
Or movement.

But as I stood in the shower
Reflecting on her stretch marks, 
Her roundness where I would like flatness, 
Her softness where I would like firmness,
All those conditioned wishes 
That form a bundle of 
Never-Quite-Right-Ness, 
She whispered very gently:

Could you just love me like this?

Do you stand in front of the mirror and find fault with what you see? If so, I would urge you to stop being so hard on yourself. Take a few minutes and think about all the amazing things that your imperfect body can do! Think of it as a tool that can help you live life to your full potential. Listen to it, honour what it needs, treat yourself to a healthy lifestyle, but don’t beat yourself up over minor imperfections or natural signs of aging. Life is hard enough, without being at war with your own body!

Advertising seldom presents natural healthy bodies. It sets us up for disappointment, so it’s up to us to ignore the nonsense and aim for something more realistic. Doing anything less convinces us that we’re not good enough, that we’re not what we ought to be, and disrespects the amazing bodies that we’ve been gifted with.

We can have a closet full of beautiful clothes but if we don’t love the body that we’re putting them on, we’ll never be truly happy with how we look. Don’t let unrealistic expectations rob you of joy! Show yourself a little love today!

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Introducing Knix… realism in advertising

/ edebock / 3 Comments

LogoWhen my children were small, I told them that Mommy didn’t have a belly button! I was that self conscious about my stomach which was marred by stretch marks and a surgical scar. Now older, and I hope somewhat wiser, I realize that these aren’t ugly. They’re simply emblems of life and survival.

I was beyond impressed when I saw this ad on Facebook recently.

Knixwear ad

I was intrigued by a company that would choose to use real women with “imperfect” bodies as models and wanted to know more. After checking out the Knixwear website and discovering Canadian designed products at affordable prices, I reached out to Knixwear and learned more about the company.

Following a successful crowd-funding campaign, CEO and founder Joanna Griffiths launched her brand in 2013 to fill a very specific void in the intimate apparel industry. After learning that one in three women experience Light Bladder Leakage (LBL) and that there were no leakproof underwear options available to them, she decided to fill that gap and introduced the first Knixwear product, high-performance underwear with an ultra-thin panty liner that absorbs up to 2 tampons (3tsp) of liquid. Featuring a moisture-wicking, anti-odor, and antimicrobial cotton top layer that keep the wearer feeling fresh, dry, and confident, Knix Leakproof are suitable for both light period days and minor bladder leakage.

The company quickly expanded into workout underwear. The first Knixwear bra was introduced in 2015 and today a variety of underwear, bras, tanks, t-shirts, sleepwear, and workout accessories are available. The new kid on the Knix block is Knixteen, products designed specifically for teenage girls.

I haven’t worn Knix yet, so I can’t personally vouch for the products, but the reviews are fantastic. Andrea, writer of Mommy Gearest and an avid wearer of Knix, wrote an in-depth review here.

Knix

As a woman of considerable age, I appreciate the trend toward using older models in advertising and now I applaud Knix for using “real” women; women with stretch marks and cellulite. Women like me who have long had difficulty accepting or embracing our physical flaws because the world of advertising told us that we ought to look like airbrushed models. Women like Bree who is wearing the V-Neck Evolution Bra and the Athletic Bikini in the first of these photos and the Athletic Thong in the second one.

Knix

Knix

In addition to honesty in advertising, Knixwear is committed to ethical sourcing. All products are designed in Canada and manufactured in socially and environmentally responsible factories in China and South Korea that comply with the standards set out by WRAP, SA8000, and Okeo-tex.

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Disclaimer:  This is not a paid endorsement. Information and images were provided by Knix, but the words are my own.

Who makes the rules?

/ edebock / 9 Comments

Apparently when women reach the advanced age of 40 we must lose the ability to think rationally. The internet is full of lists of rules to help us avoid making complete fools of ourselves.

A good example is the list of “10 things a woman over 40 shouldn’t wear” that’s plastered all over the net. What things, you ask?

  • black leather pants or jackets
  • jackets that are mid-thigh length
  • pleated pants
  • fluorescent colours
  • capri pants
  • low rise jeans
  • plunging V necklines
  • mini skirts
  • bikinis
  • sleeveless clothes of any kind

Says who? And what was I supposed to wear on the zip line; a frumpy housedress? Oh right, zip lining is probably on someone’s list of things a woman my age shouldn’t do!

According to a slightly different list horizontal stripes and double breasted blazers are also out. Still others will tell you that women over 40 shouldn’t wear long hair and there are even those who say that jeans are out for those of us who’ve passed our 40th birthday! I guess I’m just a rule breaker! After all, I’m wearing horizontal stripes as I write this and I practically live in jeans all winter long! The right pair of jeans can be very flattering and they can be dressed up or down depending on the occasion. Why, I’ll probably be buried in my blue jeans! I’m just that kind of girl.

As far as I’m concerned, as long as something is comfortable, fits well, makes you feel confident and isn’t beyond the bounds of decency, I say wear it with pride regardless of what age you are! There are 20 somethings who look ghastly in mini skirts and older women who look downright classy in low rise jeans and black leather.

A much more useful list is More magazine’s “8 warning signs women over 40 shouldn’t ignore” which includes

  • flu-like feelings including fatigue, nausea, sweating and chills
  • not feeling rested regardless of how much sleep you get
  • pain and swelling in your calf
  • a new mole
  • trouble finding the right words
  • bloating and pelvic pain
  • burning, tingling or numbness in your feet
  • a persistent cough

After all, regardless of how we dress them up, our bodies are wearing out and if we want them to continue looking good into our 60s, 70s and 80s we need to take good care of them.

p.s. Thank you to Jeannie at gracefully50 for inspiring this post. If you enjoyed it, you might want to check out her post Am I wrong?

What influences your sense of self-worth?

/ edebock / 11 Comments

This post has been brewing for awhile. In fact, I started it once, discarded it and now I’m starting it again. Richard and I are doing a weekly Bible study with two other couples using Charles F. Stanley’s How to Reach Your Full Potential for God. One of last week’s questions resulted in some serious self examination.

What influences your sense of self-worth?

The study guide offered the following list of possible responses:

  • ___  entertainment
  • ___  relationships
  • ___  education
  • ___  hobbies
  • ___  goals
  • ___  possessions
  • ___  employment
  • ___  appearance
  • ___  service
  • ___  God
  • ___  other: ______________

I don’t have a problem with low self-esteem. In fact, I feel pretty darn good about myself. Many factors on this list contribute to that: healthy, affirming relationships; hobbies like writing and drama; and of course, my relationship with God, to name just a few.

At the bottom of the list, my “other” is my children. I am so proud of the fine young adults that they’ve become and it irks me when people say “You’re so lucky that your kids turned out so well”. I have news for you, folks! It isn’t luck! Parenting well is hard work. I know that there are no guarantees and even some of the best parents have troubled kids but I believe that I (we) did a great job and yes, knowing that definitely adds to my feelings of self-worth.

So why is it that something as superficial as appearance influences my sense of self-worth so strongly? The next question in the study guide asked “In what areas of life are you most likely to compare yourself to others?” and I had to admit to myself that for me it was appearance. I know that this is true of women in general but why? This question has led to a lot of soul searching on my part.

Donloree onstage

One of my favourite bloggers is figure competitor, Donloree Hoffman of Bikini or Bust. As I’ve followed her blog for the past year, I’ve come to the conclusion that I, too, am a figure competitor. Oh, I’ll never stand onstage in a spray tan and a bespangled bikini (too many stretch marks and scars from multiple abdominal surgeries make that an impossibility) but I compete with other women all the time. I’ve come to the realization that it’s not my hair, my make-up or my clothes that I look at when I’m comparing myself to others; it’s my body, my physique. I don’t look at a healthy, fit looking woman and think ‘I wish I looked like her’. In fact, I can truly appreciate and admire a well toned body. No, it’s the overweight, out of shape women that make me feel like a winner! How pathetic is that? I’m absolutely certain that this attitude doesn’t please my God, the one who created each one of us and who loves us just the way we are.

Twiggy

But why do I feel this way? I think there are many reasons. Our culture, of course, teaches young girls and women to value physical beauty above even good health. I grew up in the age of Twiggy, the emaciated looking fashion model of the 1960s. She became an instant sensation and suddenly, skinny was beautiful. In those days, my mom was overweight. She wasn’t obese but she definitely carried a few more pounds than she should have. “Just wait until you’ve had babies,” she’d tell me. “You’ll look like this too.” No, never, I vowed to myself! My father, who exercised regularly, often gave her a hard time about her weight. Is it any wonder that I grew up thinking that thin equalled beautiful? Then came marriage to a porn addict. Obviously I had to compete physically, or at least that’s what I told myself. Those are all things of the distant past now, but clearly they had a profound impact and helped shape who I am today.

So, what does all this soul searching and self-evaluation mean? Am I going to stop striving toward a better physical body? Absolutely not! There are many very good reasons to continue eating clean and exercising regularly. I believe that I am “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14). God has blessed me with a healthy body and I plan to do the best I can to keep it that way. I hope to live for another 30 years or more and I want them to be good years filled with action and adventure. Staying physically fit has so many benefits. No, that’s not something I’m about to change. I feel good and I like what I see in the mirror!  What I do hope to change is my attitude. From now on, I want to look at other women, even those who are obese and those who haven’t taken care of themselves, with compassion. I want to see the beauty that God sees in them and I don’t want my sense of self-worth to depend on them any longer.

So, now that I’ve bared my soul, let me ask what influences your sense of self-worth?