Age

Wear what makes you comfortable

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Logo by Sam

First of all, a big thank you to everyone who responded to last Friday’s post, both here on the blog and on Facebook! Clearly, the consensus is that the top with the unusual neckline is not weird.

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I especially appreciated those readers who reminded me that what matters most is whether or not I’m comfortable wearing it. That leads me to today’s topic. I recently read another one of those stupid articles about what older women should or should not wear. Believe it or not, this one actually said that “a woman over 40 should never be caught in a jean jacket.” Really? What absolute balderdash! A jean jacket is a classic fashion staple that never goes out of style. If you’re comfortable wearing one at 101, why in the world wouldn’t you?

Created in the United States in about 1880 by Levi Strauss, it was originally designed as a durable, heavy-duty jacket to be worn by cowboys, miners, and railroad workers. Over time, however, the jean jacket has become a wardrobe staple for both men and women of all ages.

I have two of them, both thrifted several years ago. 

The one on the left is a very traditional style from Gap while the other, from Jones New York, is a bit dressier looking.

I love the versatility of a jean jacket. You’ve seen me wearing one with a dress both here and here, but they can, of course, be much more casual. You’ve also seen me in a “Canadian tuxedo” here.

I wore this outfit to church on Sunday. It fits my style adjectives… classy, casual, comfortable, confident, and authentic. 

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I paired the Jones New York jacket with white jeans, a sleeveless top, and sandals. It wasn’t until I looked at the pictures that I realized that everything except my accessories was thrifted! According to someone, I’m 30 years too old to be wearing a jean jacket, but as some of you reminded me, we ought to wear what we’re comfortable in and I’m definitely comfortable in a jean jacket! 

Age isn’t something to be ashamed of

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Logo by SamFacebook obviously knows that I’m an older woman and it seems to think that my greatest desire in life ought to be to look younger. I’m constantly bombarded by articles and advertisements telling me how to hide my age. Articles like “the 10 things a woman over 50 should never wear” or “12 fashion mistakes that make you look old”. The latest one featured hairstyles that older women should never wear. I was astonished to see these photos included in that article.

Astonished, perhaps, because this is pretty much how I’m wearing my hair these days, but also because I think both women look quite stunning. Apparently, however, short haircuts like this draw attention to the face; that poor old wrinkled face! So what are we supposed to do when we reach a certain age? Hide our faces behind long shaggy hair? Wear a burka? I think not!

As long as I can remember, advertising aimed at women has screamed one message loud and clear… youth equals beauty! We have been hoodwinked into believing that we lose value as we age. As a result, many women go to great lengths to try to fight off the natural effects of passing years.

Several years ago, American professor and humorist, Gina Barreca, wrote this in an article for Psychology Today.

I refuse to spend money on so-called “anti-aging” products. I want to age. The opposite of aging isn’t staying young; that is not an option. The opposite of aging is death. And for that, you don’t need neck cream!

Amen! I love that.

I also love the fact that, thanks to the pandemic and not being able to visit their hairdressers for an extended period of time, many women let their hair go grey and discovered that they actually liked it. I have no problem with a woman colouring her hair if that’s what she wants to do, but I do have a problem with her feeling that she has to in an attempt to hide her age. Age isn’t something to be ashamed of!

In the same article, Barreca points out that the people who peddle high-priced products that promise to make us “look barely post-adolescent” aren’t looking at our faces; they’re looking at their bottom line. They really don’t care if we look young, old, or in-between; they just want to make a dollar. If you don’t think that’s true, look at the statistics. The global cosmetics industry is valued at $571.1 billion USD. Approximately $49.2 billion is generated by cosmetics sales in the United States each year and the average American spends between $244 and $313 on cosmetics every month! That’s absolutely astonishing!

I agree with 64-year-old actress, Jamie Lee Curtis, who once said, “I am pro-aging. I want to age with intelligence, and grace, and dignity, and verve, and energy.” Apparently, she’s also in favour of very short haircuts on older women.

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Golden years?

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Have you ever wondered why they call our retirement years, the years from 65 to 80 and beyond, the golden years? The phrase was actually coined in 1959 as part of an advertising campaign for Sun City, Arizona, the world’s first large-scale retirement community for active seniors. The goal, of course, was to portray retirement as a life of leisure; a time to travel, play golf, and pursue hobbies, but is it true?

For Christmas, I gave hubby a sweatshirt with one of his favourite sayings on the front. Retired: The ability to do what I want when I want. Lately whenever he wears it, he hastens to point out that it isn’t entirely true. These days, our lives seem to revolve around countless trips to the city for tests, scans, specialist appointments, and most recently, his prostate surgery. Maybe these should actually be called our rusty years because parts are continually breaking down and our bodies aren’t running as smoothly as they once did!

We certainly aren’t alone in this. At our recent senior bowling windup I looked around the table at our team and realized that all five of us either have or have had cancer. Many of our peers have had hip or knee replacements. Another has recently had a stroke and still others are waiting for biopsy results and/or surgery. No, retirement isn’t all traveling and playing!

I’m not really complaining… well, maybe just a little! I love the fact that we no longer have to rush off to work every day and that the government pays us for simply waking up every morning. I also realize that I’m fortunate to be alive. When I glance at the obituaries these days, many of the deceased are younger than me!

Some people claim that our true golden years are between 40 and 60 when we’re still physically and mentally fit and have probably reached some level of financial security. That led me to wonder, when were my golden years? When were yours? The first decade of my life, living in a waterfront house on the coast of British Columbia with the beach as my playground and the sound of the surf as my lullaby at night, was definitely golden. I look back on the years when my children were at home as golden. I loved that time of my life. There was a dark interval during the fourteen months that our oldest daughter fought her losing battle with leukemia, but even during that time, there were golden moments. When we were in our fifties, the year that we spent teaching English in Japan was golden.

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2 Corinthians 4:16b says, “Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.” In spite of the limitations of physical aging, I have no intention of passively resigning myself to coasting along and waiting for my name to show up in the obituaries! It was Abraham Lincoln who said, “In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” So what can we do to make these years count, whether they are golden or rusty?

We may not be able to travel as often or for as long as we once could, but I’ll cherish the relationships that we have with people both near and far and when I can’t be together with them in person, I’ll remind myself how fortunate we are to have the internet, something that we didn’t have in our younger years. When I can’t explore far away places, I’ll seek out and appreciate ones that are closer to home. I’ll continue to offer the best of myself through volunteer work. I’ll read and learn and stay as physically active as I can for as long as I can. Always, I’ll remember to be thankful!

And finally, a message for those of you who are younger, don’t waste what might be the best years of your life yearning for the golden years. After all, they might turn out to be a little bit rusty!

Vogue’s oldest cover model

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Logo by SamVogue is arguably the most famous fashion magazine in the world. First published in 1892 as a weekly newspaper, it slowly evolved into the monthly publication that it is today. While print magazines might not be as popular as they once were, the US edition of Vogue had 11.1 million readers in the spring of 2021! There are also 26 other editions of the magazine internationally. Sometimes referred to as the bible of fashion, Vogue is an iconic trendsetter within the realms of fashion, lifestyle, and beauty, and increasingly deals with political, social and cultural topics as well. When Vogue says something is beautiful, most people would probably agree. 

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This month, Vogue Philippines says that 106-year-old Apo Whang-Od is beautiful and I couldn’t agree more! As Margareta Magnusson says in her small book, The Swedish Art of Aging Exuberantly, “a patina of warmth and a well-lived life shines visible in her face”.

Whang-Od is the Philippines’ oldest mambabatok or traditional Kalinga tattoo artist and has been performing the ancient art of hand-tapped tattoos since she was a teenager. Every year thousands of tourists flood to Buscalan, a remote mountain village about a 15 hour drive north of Manila, seeking her signature designs. Each symbol carries a special meaning. Some represent things of nature while others signify strength, beauty, bravery or fertility.

Whang Od uses an ancient technique; her only tools a bamboo stick, a thorn from a pomelo tree, water and coal. With intense concentration, she paints a design on the skin using the homemade coal-water ink then tap by tap, she uses the thorn and the stick to push the ink deep into the skin

According to tradition, a mambabatok is only allowed to pass their skill down through their own bloodline, so Whang-Od, who learned the art from her father, has been training her grandnieces in the ancient art. At 106, however, she has no plans to retire. She says that she will continue tattooing for as long as her eyesight allows!

“We believe that the concept of beauty needs to evolve, and include diverse and inclusive faces and forms. What we hope to speak about is the beauty of humanity,” said Vogue editor-in-chief, Bea Valdes. I think they also captured the beauty of age! Prior to this, the oldest Vogue cover model was Dame Judi Dench who appeared on the front of the British edition in 2020 at the age of 85.

When I saw the cover picture of Whang-Oh, I couldn’t help thinking of this photo, one of my favourites from our time in China. She may not be a cover model for Vogue, but she’s appeared on the blog more than once before and I wouldn’t be surprised if she did again! I don’t know her name and I have no idea how old she was, but I thought she was beautiful and I still do.

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Do you feel invisible?

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“One’s reward for marching through the decades is a gradual process of erasure.”                                  The Book of Lost Names, Kristin Harmel

If you’re an older woman, whatever you define that to be, have you ever been made to feel invisible? Maybe you’ve been overlooked for a project or a promotion at work. Maybe you’ve felt unseen when you entered a restaurant, a garage, or another place of business. Perhaps you’ve been ignored while younger customers received all the attention from shop attendants. Maybe you’ve felt invisible at a social or family event. If you’ve ever felt this way, you’re not alone! There’s even a name for it, Invisible Woman Syndrome.

A survey by Gransnet, a busy social networking site for people over 50, revealed that 7 out of 10 women feel that they become invisible as they get older, beginning as young as age 52. Nearly two-thirds believe that older women tend to be more invisible than men of the same age. Nearly two-fifths of the respondents said that younger people have patronized them as they’ve gotten older and a quarter said that if they’re out with a younger person, people tend to talk to the younger person rather than to them.

Many of these women are well educated and have interesting careers. They may be well traveled and involved in a variety of worthwhile activities, so why are they made to feel invisible? What is it about an older woman that society finds unpalatable? Why does she lose relevance as her body ages?

Unfortunately, age discrimination is real, especially for women, but it’s more than that. Ageism walks hand in hand with sexism. Older men are often seen as powerful and distinguished; their grey hair a sign of knowledge and experience. Women, on the other hand, often feel pressured to appear younger than they are in order to be taken seriously.

Personally, I’ve really only noticed the onset of age related invisibility in one area. I no longer have to put up with the unwanted and sometimes inappropriate sexual attention from men that seems to go along with being a younger woman. I see that as positive, but it doesn’t work in favour of those older women without partners who are interested in dating and forging relationships with members of the opposite sex. Too often, they go unseen while older men look instead at women who are twenty years younger.

So, do we simply accept being invisible? Short of jumping up and down and screaming, “CAN’T YOU SEE ME?” what can we do to be more visible? In order to keep this post from becoming too long, that will be the topic of tomorrow’s post. In the meantime, though, I’d really like to hear your thoughts about this topic. What has your experience been? If you don’t feel comfortable sharing here, please feel free to email me at elainedebock@gmail.com.

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Artwork by Hanna Sidorowicz

70!

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Today is the day that I’ve been looking forward to for a long time… my 70th birthday! When I was diagnosed with my first cancer nine years ago, I didn’t expect to live to see this day, but here I am and it feels like a victory!

Months ago, I began to think about what I wanted to do to celebrate this milestone. Being an avid traveler, the first thing that came to mind was a trip. I visualized us packing a suitcase and climbing aboard a plane for the first time in over three years. Where would we go? The possibilities were endless, but Newfoundland was high on my list. We’d explore its rugged landscape, visit isolated coastal villages, and eat our fill of fresh seafood! Yes, Newfoundland was a definite possibility.

Then came hubby’s cancer diagnosis and the all-important consultation with a specialist to determine whether or not he’d be able to have surgery was booked for October 4. So, we’d be in Edmonton, not Newfoundland or some other more exotic location. The iconic “going to Winnipeg” ad that used to air on Canadian TV came to mind.

Oh well, there are lots of things to do in Edmonton. I looked into booking a hot air balloon ride as that’s been on my unwritten bucket list for a long time. We’d enjoy the fall colours in the river valley as we drifted silently over the city and then we’d sip champagne when we came back to earth. Unfortunately, however, the hot air balloon season closed last week! I’d have to think of something else. 

Then came Covid and even the long awaited doctor’s appointment had to be postponed. So here we are at home, doing nothing but watching rain fall outside the window! Earlier in the week, I felt pretty depressed about the lack of a plan for celebrating this special day, but we’re both feeling better and we’ve put in our five plus days of isolation. Regardless of where we are (or aren’t) and what we’re doing (or not doing) I’m 70 and I’m excited to be here! 

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Now, what will I do with the rest of this day?

Perspectives on growing older

/ edebock / 7 Comments

Earlier this month, Sue Burpee, writer of High Heels in the Wilderness, wrote a very thought provoking post about the feelings of sadness and dissatisfaction that she was experiencing as she contemplated the realities of getting older (she’s 66). It obviously resonated with many women as it generated a vast number of heartfelt comments. In fact, it struck such a chord with Frances, over at Materfamilias Writes, that she responded with this post on her blog. Again, the comment section exploded with women in their 60s, 70s, and beyond expressing feelings of worry and despair as they faced their own mortality. Many wrote of feeling that time was running out and one of Sue’s readers likened it to falling into an abyss. Some wrote of physical decline or the fear of losing their spouse. Others were already alone. Some mentioned lack of purpose, having nothing good to look forward to, or feeling invisible to those around them. There was also an acknowledgement by many that the pandemic had robbed them of valuable time that they’d never get back.

I haven’t been able to stop thinking about those two posts and the comments that they generated. I keep asking myself why I don’t share the feelings that so many women expressed so poignantly. I do lament time lost to the pandemic, but I’m just three months short of 70 and rather than feeling down about it, I’m excited! I’m already thinking about how I want to celebrate that milestone. But why? Why don’t I feel the way they do?

I think that there are three reasons.

The first was a major shift in perspective that happened almost ten years ago. I’ve written before about the fact that I spent the whole year that I was 59 fretting about turning 60. It sounded so old! How had I got there so quickly? Then came 60 and it wasn’t so bad after all, but before I turned 61, I was diagnosed with cancer and within a year, a second unrelated one. If you’ve been following my blog for very long, you know that the past decade has brought a number of other diagnoses as well as surgeries, treatments, and medications. Now, still with one incurable cancer, but stable and feeling 100%, I’ve learned that every day is a gift. Nine years ago, I had no reason to think that I would make it to 70. Now it feels like a victory!

The second reason that I feel optimistic about the future is the faith that sustained me through all the ups and downs of the past decade and for many years before that. I, who in my childhood and young adult years had an abnormal fear of death, of disappearing into nothingness and no longer existing, found peace with that when I finally cried out to God in desperation and asked Him to remove my fear. That was forty years ago and to this point, it has never returned. I don’t pretend to know what life beyond the grave will be like, but I firmly believe that it does go on and that those of us who have a personal relationship with the Creator will continue in His presence. That’s all I really need to know. That may sound naive or foolish to those who don’t share my faith, but that’s not surprising. Scripture says that that will be so. “For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.” 1 Corinthians 1:18

Perhaps the main reason that I’m not burdened by the dark thoughts and feelings that seem to plague so many of my fellow seniors is that my life has purpose. Hubby and I fairly recently gave up a volunteer position that was beginning to become too physically taxing, but as my father always said, there’s no end to the things that you can do in retirement as long as you don’t need to be paid. I’ve edited almost 750 Kiva loans since I took on that role early last year. When I was younger, I led a ladies Bible study for more than twenty years. I didn’t expect to find myself doing that again in my late 60s, but I just wrapped up my second year back in that role and I look forward to continuing in the fall. In addition, I have a leadership position with an online women’s ministry and I’ve just been accepted into another role that will put my writing skills to good use. Nine years ago when I was looking death in the face, I certainly didn’t anticipate new beginnings at age 70! Clearly God isn’t finished with me yet!

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Thoughts on turning 69

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It seems that every woman has a birthday she dreads; an age that she has trouble accepting. For me, that age was 60. The whole time I was 59, I dreaded turning 60. It was such a big number and sounded so old, but then the day came and nothing really changed. It was just another day, another new beginning, and I’d wasted an entire year worrying about it!

Now, nine more years have passed and tomorrow I turn 69! My 60s have not been easy. They brought three different cancer diagnoses, relationship trauma, the death of both my parents, and now a worldwide pandemic, but through it all, I learned endurance, perseverance, and resilience. I also learned to live one day at a time.

Learning not to count on the future, but to see every day as a gift and a blessing, was a very valuable lesson. When I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer shortly before my 61st birthday, I really didn’t expect that I’d still be alive today. Four years later, I threw myself a “still alive at 65” birthday party and now, just one year short of 70, I’m still here and still going strong!

One thing I know that I won’t be doing when I’m 69 is wasting time worrying about turning 70. Instead, as long as God gives me life, I’m going to be busy living it to the fullest and doing my best to accomplish whatever it is that He is keeping me here to do!

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Happy 100th Birthday, Iris Apfel!

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American fashion icon, Iris Apfel, famous for her colourful eclectic style and her oversized glasses, will celebrate her 100th birthday on Sunday!

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On August 19th, her Instagram post read..

10 days left of 99… Then comes 100, it feels divine!!!

In 2005, the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City said this about Apfel and it still holds true today, “An American original in the truest sense, Iris Apfel is one of the most vivacious personalities in the worlds of fashion, textiles, and interior design, and over the past 40 years, she has cultivated a personal style that is both witty and exuberantly idiosyncratic. Her originality is typically revealed in her mixing of high and low fashions – Dior haute couture with flea market finds, 19th-century ecclesiastical vestments with Dolce & Gabbana lizard trousers.”

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On the eve of her 100th birthday, Apfel continues to work because she wants to. “I want to stay alive,” she said in a recent interview. “If I stopped working, I’d be gone.” This year alone, she curated a line of home products for Lowe’s (long before she became a fashion icon, she was an interior designer), teamed up with Etsy to offer “Iris Apfel’s Fashion Favorites” on the online marketplace, and is designing eyewear collections for Zenni Optical as part of a four-year-deal with the company.

While I don’t aspire to dress like Iris Apfel, I do like how she thinks. Here are a few of my favourite Iris quotes… 

“You have to look in the mirror and see yourself. If it feels good, then I know it’s for me. I don’t dress to be stared at, I dress for myself.”

“When you don’t dress like everybody else, you don’t have to think like everybody else.” 

“Fashion you can buy, but style you possess. The key to style is learning who you are, which takes years. There’s no how-to road map to style. It’s about self expression and, above all, attitude.”

I also like what she says about age…

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Sunday is also my beautiful daughter’s birthday, so Happy Birthday, Iris Apfel and Happy Birthday, Melaina!

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Wearing shorts after 50

/ edebock / 4 Comments

LogoThere seems to be an unwritten fashion rule that says that women over a certain age shouldn’t wear shorts. This week, I’m going to join several other bloggers in attempting to debunk, or at least question, that concept.

On Monday of this week, three of the bloggers that I read regularly and another that I’ve only recently discovered teamed up to discuss the topic of wearing shorts after 50 or 60. I hope they don’t mind if I share a bit of what they had to say with you and add some thoughts of my own.

Susan Blakey of une femme d’un certain âge wrote that she hasn’t worn shorts, except for working out, for a decade or more. For the blogging exercise, however, she tried several different shorts outfits including this one.

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So why do women in their 50s, 60s, or beyond hesitate to wear shorts even on hot summer days? There are many different reasons, but the most common one is probably the fact that we’re self-conscious about how our legs look. They may not look as great as they did when we were in our twenties, but as Tania Stephens of 50 IS NOT OLD says, “I probably wouldn’t even look at your legs if we met on the street. I might notice your eyes, smile, hairstyle, and even clothes, shoes, jewelry, and handbag. BUT, unless your legs were colored bright orange, I probably wouldn’t give them another thought.” She certainly looked comfortable and confident in her white jean shorts and blue and white striped sweater.

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Choosing the right length and style of shorts for your body can be challenging, but a pair of shorts can be just as fashionable as any other item of clothing and they can be dressed up or down. Jennifer Connolly of A Well Styled Life didn’t want to look too sporty, so she chose a looser cuffed and pleated pair that doesn’t look like they’re meant for the gym.

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It was only through these three collaborating with Deborah Boland of Fabulous After 40 that I discovered her blog. She decided to go with an upscale look that proves without a doubt that wearing shorts after 50 doesn’t have to look frumpy. In fact, it can be sophisticated!

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Deborah had the suits with shorts look that has been on trend since spring 2020 in mind when she put together this ensemble. I tried a similar look last summer.

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I liked the outfit, but my summers are usually pretty casual. When it finally warms up enough, I’m more likely to be seen wearing shorts on the golf course with a sleeveless golf shirt.

I’m not telling you that you should wear shorts if you’re over 50, or like me, over 60. I’m simply suggesting that you shouldn’t let someone else’s opinion or a so-called “fashion rule” dictate what you wear. If you’re truly uncomfortable with the idea of wearing shorts, if that’s really not your style, then by all means don’t wear them. If you’re unsure though, and want to give them a try, I’d suggest going with a longer pair that end just above the knee. They tend to look less boxy and you likely won’t feel as self-conscious as you might in a shorter pair. For more ideas and advice, click the links to the blogs I mentioned above.

Now it’s your turn. Do you wear shorts? Why or why not?