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One word for 2023

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For each of the past six years I’ve chosen one word to inspire or guide me in the new year as well as a scripture verse to go along with it. My past words have been Still, Grace, Inspire, Bold, Truth, and Freedom.

Little did I know when I chose Freedom as my word for 2022 what a contentious topic it would soon become here in Canada. At the beginning of January, I couldn’t possibly have imagined that less than two months later hordes of protesting truckers would close Canada/US border crossings and take control of the streets surrounding our capital buildings in Ottawa, all in the name of freedom. As I wrote at this time last year, there are really two kinds of freedom, freedom to and freedom from. The so-called Freedom Convoy was fighting for freedom from Covid-19 vaccination mandates. There is no doubt that the pandemic did, at least temporarily, curtail our freedom to travel, to gather in large groups, to celebrate special moments with those we love, and to enjoy many of the activities that we once took for granted, but in my opinion, the protesters were forgetting that with freedom comes responsibility. When I chose Freedom as my one word for 2022, it wasn’t Covid that I had in mind. I was thinking on a very personal level of freedom from trauma induced bitterness that had taken hold in my life.

When it came to choosing a new word for 2023, I considered several possibilities. When I first started thinking about this in late November, I was suffering from scanxiety. As I worried about whether or not my neuroendocrine cancer was spreading throughout my body and thought ahead to hubby’s upcoming prostate cancer surgery, I thought that perhaps Courage was the word I wanted. Once I learned the results of my most recent CT scans, however, that didn’t feel like the right word anymore. For several years I’ve considered choosing Intentional as my one word, but as I thought about that one I realized that I already live quite intentionally. I wanted a word that would give me something more to aspire to in the coming year. But what would that word be?

I thought about how good I feel at the end of a productive day, a day that has gone really well, and tried to come up with a word to describe that feeling. Surely that would be a good word for the coming year. Accomplish came to mind and I almost settled on it, but then I decided that it was too work or task oriented. I do feel great at the end of the day if I’ve accomplished a lot, but I also feel that way when we’ve spent the day hiking or paddling the kayak.

After pondering some more, I finally settled on the right word.

Contentment

According to the Collins English Dictionary, contentment is “a feeling of quiet happiness and satisfaction”. Perfect!

Once I’d finally settled on my word, choosing a scripture verse to go with it was easy. I knew right away that it would be Philippians 4:12b.

“I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.”

Whether my health continues to be stable or begins to deteriorate, whether the Covid pandemic is truly over or not, whatever my circumstances are in the coming year, I want to be able to say with the apostle Paul that I have learned to be content in any and every situation. As I plan my days, I’ll consider what I need to do to end each day with that feeling of quiet happiness and satisfaction and hopefully act accordingly.

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Have you ever chosen a word to inspire or guide you in a new year? What would your one word for 2023 be?

Beyond King Tut

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Our grandchildren are growing up in an entirely different world than we did. That’s evident by the many devices, unheard of when we were growing up or even when their parents were children, that are part of their everyday lives. I was reminded again today of how vastly different their life experiences are from our own.

The tomb of Tutankhamun, boy king of Egypt some 3300 years ago, was discovered in the Valley of the Kings in November 1922. It quickly became the most famous ancient Egyptian discovery of all time. In 1964-65, the first travelling exhibition of a substantial number of Tutankhamun artifacts visited six venues across Canada including the Vancouver Art Gallery. As a seventh grade student, I toured the Tutankhamun Treasures exhibit while on a school field trip.

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We saw 31 fairly small objects that had been removed from the tomb; objects like a gold dagger and sheath and gold rings and amulets found on the mummified body of the king. We were impressed. In our wildest dreams, we couldn’t have imagined the kind of multi-sensory experience that we took two grandsons (grade 6 and 8) to today. National Geographic’s Beyond KING TUT / The Immersive Experience was our Christmas gift from the boys and their parents.

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There were no artifacts on display. Instead, we wound our way through visual galleries learning about the life and times of Tutankhamun who became king of Egypt at the age of nine and ruled until his death just ten years later. Through the power of photography, we joined the archeologists and entered his tomb.

We also learned about the mummification process and ancient Egyptian beliefs about the afterlife.

In the final room, we watched a soaring 23 minute video projection that took us back in time from modern day Egypt to King Tut’s journey to the afterworld. Beyond KING TUT definitely took us beyond the experience of my childhood!

Sometimes I just have to write

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Sometimes I just have to write. I don’t know why, but something in me tells me that I need to. My fingers hover over the keyboard wondering how to begin. Sometimes the words flow and other times, my mind is blank. What could I possibly have to say that anyone would want to read? At times like those, I usually resist the urge and try to find something else to do, but this time I decided to simply start. Where this is going, I really don’t know!

Although I love to lose myself in a good novel, I’m  not a writer of fiction. I never have been. I’ve tried dabbling in it once or twice, but it clearly wasn’t my forte. Neither am I a poet. No, though nonfiction seems somehow less exciting, it’s what I do.

Scripture tells us that we’re made in the image of a creative God. As such, I believe that we all have the innate ability to be creative. I create with words. What do you create with?

I have a friend who is an avid quilter. She creates works of art with fabric and many of her quilts bring comfort to people living with cancer. (see Victoria’s Quilts Canada or Victoria’s Quilts USA) Another friend is an artist in the kitchen creating culinary masterpieces and a cousin is a songwriter. My daughter knits and crochets everything from sweaters and slippers to teddy bears and stuffed animals. Some people are artists in the traditional sense creating drawings, paintings, or sculptures. Others design and build with wood. Still others create online games and programs.

Releasing creativity, whatever form it takes, can be therapeutic. It can help people resolve issues as well as develop and manage behaviours and feelings, reduce stress, and improve self-esteem and awareness. There are things that I can’t write about, or at least I can’t publish, because they would be hurtful to people that I care deeply about or because they’re not my stories to tell. Writing about my cancer, however, especially in the early days, helped me process and better accept and understand what was happening. Some cancer centres even offer art therapy classes to their patients.

We all have gifts and passions. I’m thankful that I found mine a long time ago. Even as a child, I enjoyed writing reports for school. As a university student, I much preferred essays to exams. By the time I graduated, I knew that even though teaching was my chosen profession, writing would also be part of my future. Of course, there was no internet back then. I did a bit of freelance writing, selling a few articles to small publications, but it was retirement and the advent of blogging that really opened the door to writing for sheer enjoyment. To date, I’ve published over 1300 posts. Together they’d equal the length of an average novel!

The only problem with not knowing where this post was going is not knowing how it should end, so I’ll simply finish with a couple of quotes from science fiction writer, Isaac Asimov.

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You don’t have to be invisible

/ edebock / 1 Comment

In yesterday’s post, I mentioned that 7 out of 10 women feel that they become invisible as they get older. Personally, however, that hasn’t been my experience, so I’ve been asking myself why. Why, at 70, don’t I feel invisible?

In spite of the fact that I’m naturally an introvert, I’ve learned to live my life out loud. Writing the blog has helped a lot with that. I’ve also taken to heart my father’s teaching that there’s no end of interesting things to do in retirement as long as you don’t need to be paid. I live a busy and productive life. 

Positive vibrant women aren’t invisible, but remaining visible as we age does require energy and intention. Here are some tips that might help:

  • Be interested and interesting. 
  • Live audaciously. Don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and try something new.  
  • Stay actively involved in life.
  • Be curious. Ask questions and continue learning.
  • The world is constantly changing, but try to keep up! Even if you don’t use all of the latest technology, keep moving forward and don’t live in the past. 
  • Reading or watching the news can be depressing, but you need to know what’s going on and be able to discuss it.
  • Show an interest in people of all ages.
  • Maintain connection with interesting people; people who “see you”, who hear and respect you, who inspire you, and who value your input.
  • Be positive and engaging. Initiate conversation with those who don’t seem to notice you.
  • Learn to be upfront about what you want or need. Speaking up and making yourself heard comes easier for those who are extroverts, but we can all do it and the more you try the easier it will become.

Although women tend to experience age related invisibility more often and at a younger age than men do, these suggestions apply equally to both genders. No one should accept being made to feel inconsequential!

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In tomorrow’s Fashion Friday post I plan to bring this series to an end by looking at visibility and style. I hope you’ll join me.

Do you feel invisible?

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“One’s reward for marching through the decades is a gradual process of erasure.”                                  The Book of Lost Names, Kristin Harmel

If you’re an older woman, whatever you define that to be, have you ever been made to feel invisible? Maybe you’ve been overlooked for a project or a promotion at work. Maybe you’ve felt unseen when you entered a restaurant, a garage, or another place of business. Perhaps you’ve been ignored while younger customers received all the attention from shop attendants. Maybe you’ve felt invisible at a social or family event. If you’ve ever felt this way, you’re not alone! There’s even a name for it, Invisible Woman Syndrome.

A survey by Gransnet, a busy social networking site for people over 50, revealed that 7 out of 10 women feel that they become invisible as they get older, beginning as young as age 52. Nearly two-thirds believe that older women tend to be more invisible than men of the same age. Nearly two-fifths of the respondents said that younger people have patronized them as they’ve gotten older and a quarter said that if they’re out with a younger person, people tend to talk to the younger person rather than to them.

Many of these women are well educated and have interesting careers. They may be well traveled and involved in a variety of worthwhile activities, so why are they made to feel invisible? What is it about an older woman that society finds unpalatable? Why does she lose relevance as her body ages?

Unfortunately, age discrimination is real, especially for women, but it’s more than that. Ageism walks hand in hand with sexism. Older men are often seen as powerful and distinguished; their grey hair a sign of knowledge and experience. Women, on the other hand, often feel pressured to appear younger than they are in order to be taken seriously.

Personally, I’ve really only noticed the onset of age related invisibility in one area. I no longer have to put up with the unwanted and sometimes inappropriate sexual attention from men that seems to go along with being a younger woman. I see that as positive, but it doesn’t work in favour of those older women without partners who are interested in dating and forging relationships with members of the opposite sex. Too often, they go unseen while older men look instead at women who are twenty years younger.

So, do we simply accept being invisible? Short of jumping up and down and screaming, “CAN’T YOU SEE ME?” what can we do to be more visible? In order to keep this post from becoming too long, that will be the topic of tomorrow’s post. In the meantime, though, I’d really like to hear your thoughts about this topic. What has your experience been? If you don’t feel comfortable sharing here, please feel free to email me at elainedebock@gmail.com.

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Artwork by Hanna Sidorowicz

70!

/ edebock / 29 Comments

Today is the day that I’ve been looking forward to for a long time… my 70th birthday! When I was diagnosed with my first cancer nine years ago, I didn’t expect to live to see this day, but here I am and it feels like a victory!

Months ago, I began to think about what I wanted to do to celebrate this milestone. Being an avid traveler, the first thing that came to mind was a trip. I visualized us packing a suitcase and climbing aboard a plane for the first time in over three years. Where would we go? The possibilities were endless, but Newfoundland was high on my list. We’d explore its rugged landscape, visit isolated coastal villages, and eat our fill of fresh seafood! Yes, Newfoundland was a definite possibility.

Then came hubby’s cancer diagnosis and the all-important consultation with a specialist to determine whether or not he’d be able to have surgery was booked for October 4. So, we’d be in Edmonton, not Newfoundland or some other more exotic location. The iconic “going to Winnipeg” ad that used to air on Canadian TV came to mind.

Oh well, there are lots of things to do in Edmonton. I looked into booking a hot air balloon ride as that’s been on my unwritten bucket list for a long time. We’d enjoy the fall colours in the river valley as we drifted silently over the city and then we’d sip champagne when we came back to earth. Unfortunately, however, the hot air balloon season closed last week! I’d have to think of something else. 

Then came Covid and even the long awaited doctor’s appointment had to be postponed. So here we are at home, doing nothing but watching rain fall outside the window! Earlier in the week, I felt pretty depressed about the lack of a plan for celebrating this special day, but we’re both feeling better and we’ve put in our five plus days of isolation. Regardless of where we are (or aren’t) and what we’re doing (or not doing) I’m 70 and I’m excited to be here! 

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Now, what will I do with the rest of this day?

Sippin’ Pretty

/ edebock / 6 Comments

When a former student of mine retired from teaching school (how old do you think that makes me feel?), she decided that she needed a hobby. She loved wine, loved teaching, and happened to have an empty  1927 house sitting on her farm property. She and her daughter, also a teacher, studied wine and food pairing courses, researched the history of the house and the people who lived there, then took it back to its original look and turned it into a 1920s speakeasy called Sippin’ Pretty!

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What is a speakeasy, you ask? During Prohibition (a nationwide ban on the production, importation, transportation, and sale of alcohol in the United States that lasted from 1920 to 1933) hidden bars and nightclubs sprung up in cities across the country. The term speakeasy is thought to have come from the fact that patrons had to whisper, or speak “easy”, when attempting to enter these illicit establishments.

Sippin’ Pretty, located just a few minutes from Killam, Alberta, offers classes teaching the basics of wine tasting and food pairing to small groups in an intimate setting. It was there that I spent Thursday evening with a very special group of friends.

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On a September evening, thirty-three years ago, four young women gathered around a kitchen table and Craft Night was born. I was invited to join the group a few months later and not long afterward, a sixth member completed the group. We were all busy young moms and in the early days our monthly Craft Night was as much about having an evening out as it was about the crafts that we did. Whether we were knitting, crocheting, cross stitching or tole painting, we shared our lives and our stories. Several years ago, two of the original members moved away and since then another joined us. Then came Covid and like everything else, Craft Night came to a sudden end, or so it seemed.

That was not to be, however. After not meeting together for more than two years, a couple of us heard about Sippin’ Pretty and decided that it would be the perfect setting for our group to reconvene. It seemed appropriate since sipping wine was always an essential part of Craft Night! One of the former members who moved away was even able to join us for the evening. We sampled six different wines, three white and three red, discussing their colour and aroma and learning how to taste for things like sweetness and acidity and in the case of the reds, tannin. We learned about the kinds of food that each of the wines pairs best with by sampling a variety of meats, cheeses and delicious pasta dishes.

And we talked! In fact, I think we could have talked all night! We’ll have more time to catch up with one another soon though as I’ll be hosting Craft Night again next month and the tradition will continue! Although we actually abandoned doing crafts years ago, the name stuck. Thursday night we talked about the possibility of changing it, but we decided not to. Thirty-three years is a long time and it just wouldn’t seem right to call it anything else! 

A walk in God’s garden

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Several of our planned hikes over the past two weeks were cut short or thwarted entirely by flooding due to unusually high water levels. In spite of that, we did manage to complete a few and one of them stands out as being the most amazing and unique.

An esker is a long, narrow ridge of winding hills composed of sand and gravel that was deposited thousands of years ago by a stream that ran underneath a glacier that once covered the land. One such ridge lies to the west of Laurier Lake and extends south into Borden Lake in Alberta’s Whitney Lakes Provincial Park. The 5.8-km out-and-back Borden Lake trail follows the top of the esker. 

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The trail is considered a moderately challenging one because the esker is far from flat. As we made our way up and down its rolling hills, we found ourselves surrounded by a myriad of wildflowers in bloom. I truly felt like I was walking in God’s garden! 

While I recognize some of the flowers like the wild rose, Alberta’s provincial flower, and the lone tiger lily, there were many others that I didn’t know by name.

We had the trail entirely to ourselves. There were no people for miles around. Thankfully, we didn’t see any bears either although there was some fairly fresh sign on the path and with bushes loaded with berries alongside the trail, they probably weren’t very far away. We kept our bear bell jingling and our bear spray close at hand just in case it was needed! We actually did see a young bear in the campground the following day, but thankfully, we were in the vehicle at the time and it was nowhere near our campsite. 

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As we continued hiking, Borden Lake soon came into view and if you look closely, you can see the esker jutting out into the water. The trail goes to the very end.

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When we reached the end, hubby sat down to rest, but I took off my shoes and socks and waded right in! 

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The water was refreshing, but soon it was time to retrace our steps back through the garden and return to camp. 

Taking time to recharge

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I ran across this recently and it resonated with me as it describes what I’m planning to do over the next little while. I won’t disappear completely, but I won’t be spending as much time as usual on social media and I probably won’t be blogging very regularly. Over the next 6 to 8 weeks I’ll be spending lots of time camping, hiking, and paddling quiet waters; time away from my keyboard and often far from internet connection.

Writing is who I am. It’s what I do. To me, it’s almost as important as breathing, but spending time in nature is one of the ways that I recharge my batteries and perhaps in the silence I’ll find some new things to write about.

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Perspectives on growing older

/ edebock / 7 Comments

Earlier this month, Sue Burpee, writer of High Heels in the Wilderness, wrote a very thought provoking post about the feelings of sadness and dissatisfaction that she was experiencing as she contemplated the realities of getting older (she’s 66). It obviously resonated with many women as it generated a vast number of heartfelt comments. In fact, it struck such a chord with Frances, over at Materfamilias Writes, that she responded with this post on her blog. Again, the comment section exploded with women in their 60s, 70s, and beyond expressing feelings of worry and despair as they faced their own mortality. Many wrote of feeling that time was running out and one of Sue’s readers likened it to falling into an abyss. Some wrote of physical decline or the fear of losing their spouse. Others were already alone. Some mentioned lack of purpose, having nothing good to look forward to, or feeling invisible to those around them. There was also an acknowledgement by many that the pandemic had robbed them of valuable time that they’d never get back.

I haven’t been able to stop thinking about those two posts and the comments that they generated. I keep asking myself why I don’t share the feelings that so many women expressed so poignantly. I do lament time lost to the pandemic, but I’m just three months short of 70 and rather than feeling down about it, I’m excited! I’m already thinking about how I want to celebrate that milestone. But why? Why don’t I feel the way they do?

I think that there are three reasons.

The first was a major shift in perspective that happened almost ten years ago. I’ve written before about the fact that I spent the whole year that I was 59 fretting about turning 60. It sounded so old! How had I got there so quickly? Then came 60 and it wasn’t so bad after all, but before I turned 61, I was diagnosed with cancer and within a year, a second unrelated one. If you’ve been following my blog for very long, you know that the past decade has brought a number of other diagnoses as well as surgeries, treatments, and medications. Now, still with one incurable cancer, but stable and feeling 100%, I’ve learned that every day is a gift. Nine years ago, I had no reason to think that I would make it to 70. Now it feels like a victory!

The second reason that I feel optimistic about the future is the faith that sustained me through all the ups and downs of the past decade and for many years before that. I, who in my childhood and young adult years had an abnormal fear of death, of disappearing into nothingness and no longer existing, found peace with that when I finally cried out to God in desperation and asked Him to remove my fear. That was forty years ago and to this point, it has never returned. I don’t pretend to know what life beyond the grave will be like, but I firmly believe that it does go on and that those of us who have a personal relationship with the Creator will continue in His presence. That’s all I really need to know. That may sound naive or foolish to those who don’t share my faith, but that’s not surprising. Scripture says that that will be so. “For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.” 1 Corinthians 1:18

Perhaps the main reason that I’m not burdened by the dark thoughts and feelings that seem to plague so many of my fellow seniors is that my life has purpose. Hubby and I fairly recently gave up a volunteer position that was beginning to become too physically taxing, but as my father always said, there’s no end to the things that you can do in retirement as long as you don’t need to be paid. I’ve edited almost 750 Kiva loans since I took on that role early last year. When I was younger, I led a ladies Bible study for more than twenty years. I didn’t expect to find myself doing that again in my late 60s, but I just wrapped up my second year back in that role and I look forward to continuing in the fall. In addition, I have a leadership position with an online women’s ministry and I’ve just been accepted into another role that will put my writing skills to good use. Nine years ago when I was looking death in the face, I certainly didn’t anticipate new beginnings at age 70! Clearly God isn’t finished with me yet!

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