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18 years of retirement!

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With the school year coming to an end this week, hubby and I have been retired for 18 years. 18 years! How is that even possible? That’s the same length of time that I taught at Lougheed School, a small prairie school that closed a couple of years later due to declining enrolment. Perhaps it says something about our chosen career that 18 years of teaching seemed like a very long time while the past 18 have flown by!

When I reflect on all that we’ve experienced in the past 18 years, I realize how full and how rewarding they have been. Retirement has included fulfilling long held dreams like teaching English in Japan and later, China. One might argue that that wasn’t really retirement. After all, we were employed and we earned a paycheque, but it wasn’t really about the work or the money. Those were simply what allowed us to be there. It was all about adventure; about living shoulder to shoulder with the people of another land and learning about their culture. It was about traveling to other locations in Asia during our holiday breaks. We also spent one summer on the Pacific island of Saipan serving as short term missionaries.

Living with cancer for the past 12 years has curtailed our ability to spend extended periods of time outside the country and the pandemic kept us home for a couple of years, but tourist travel has also been a big part of our retirement years. We’ve visited Mexico six times, ziplined over the rainforest in Costa Rica, toured Israel, and visited several European countries as well as nine Canadian provinces, one territory, and numerous US states.

Speaking of retirement, my father always said that there were no end of things that one could do as long as they didn’t need to be paid to do them and we have certainly found that to be true. Volunteering in various capacities in our church, our community, online, and most recently in a far and distant land, has helped give meaning to our retirement years.

Retirement has brought some unexpected surprises. Learning to operate a tractor and a combine definitely wasn’t part of this city bred girl’s retirement plan, but several years of helping a friend at seeding time and harvest gave me more joy than I could ever have imagined.

Since we retired, our family has grown to include eight grandchildren who have made our lives so much richer. In fact, that’s why this post is a day later than I’d originally planned. We visited three of them earlier this week and now another three are visiting us. As much as I love to write, going on adventures and playing games with the grandkids and late night cuddles and chats with one who has trouble sleeping are far more important than anything I could ever post on here.

To say that our retirement years have been rich would be an understatement. I’m incredibly thankful that, in spite of our health challenges, we have been able to experience so much. As time flies by I sense an urgency to continue seeing and doing as much as we can while we’re still able, but I don’t see us slowing down anytime soon, so here’s to a few more years of purposeful and productive retirement!

Why traveling together is good for your marriage

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I inherited my wanderlust from my parents who visited 66 countries together, mostly during their retirement years. When I was a child, we took long holidays as a family. We drove the west coast as far south as San Diego and traveled north all the way to Alaska. When I became a teacher, my plan was to spend my summers traveling, but hubby had different ideas. Growing up, his summers were spent working on the family farm. He’d only ever been on one short holiday to visit relatives. He wanted to spend his summers at home playing ball, golfing, and going to the beach.

Marriage meant compromise, but I knew that I wouldn’t be happy if I couldn’t travel. Before we tied the knot, I told him that I would be spending part of each summer traveling. It was something that I simply had to do. He was welcome to join me, but if he’d rather that I went alone and he spent that time pursuing his own interests, I was okay with that. Thankfully, he chose to join me and we have enjoyed so much of the world together! We’ve also learned that traveling together is good for a marriage.

Travel teaches you teamwork and communication skills.

While I do most of our travel planning, I always consult with hubby about major decisions like which flights to take or where we should stay, but there are also small day to day choices to make. Should we walk or take the bus? Where should we go for lunch? It’s often these little things that require clear communication and test our ability to compromise.

Travel teaches you how to work together to overcome obstacles.

When you’re travelling together, problems are shared. When we failed to get off the train at the right stop in Germany last week, we put our heads together and figured out how to get to our destination (with the help of a very kind gentleman). Having had a similar experience in Japan many years ago, I’m sure that either one of us could have dealt with this minor mishap on our own, but it’s so much better when you have someone to share the momentary panic with!

Traveling as a couple teaches you to be more patient with one another and with yourself.

When you’re together 24/7 in an unfamiliar environment, especially one where English isn’t the first language of the people around you, there are bound to be moments of frustration. Whether it’s figuring out directions, handling delays, or trying to figure out how to buy tickets for the train, we’ve learned that there’s always a solution to every problem. Sometimes finding that solution just requires a little patience.

Shared adventure adds spark to a tired relationship.

When a couple gets married, going on a honeymoon allows them time to be fully present with one another and to delight in each other’s company. In time, however, the distractions and busyness of daily life take over. Work, family, household chores, and individual interests often leave little time for one another. Traveling together offers a couple a chance to reconnect and to enjoy uninterrupted time together. The destination is less important than the simple act of spending time together and getting away from the noise of daily life. Even an occasional weekend getaway together can help reinvigorate your relationship.  

Finally, travel gives you lasting memories to share.

Some of our most cherished memories have been made while traveling together. There are big moments like our first glimpse of the terra cotta warriors in Xian, China or seeing the golden Dome of the Rock in Jerusalem come into sight for the first time, but there are others that were also amazing moments for us. Memories like staying in a very basic $12 a night guesthouse in Siem Reap and taking an early morning tuktuk ride out to Angkor Wat to watch the sun rise over the enormous temple complex. Memories of traveling the length of Vietnam on overnight buses and arriving in Saigon late on New Years Eve without a place to stay! We even love to reminisce about the time that we accepted a ride from a total stranger in the middle of rural China! Not necessarily recommended, but it was an amazing experience! You can read about it here.

With all the traveling that we’ve done together, you’d think that I’d have more photos of the two of us, but I love this one taken in Heidelberg last week, so I’ll share it again.

All packed and ready to go!

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We’re packed and ready to set off on our next big adventure, but I don’t remember ever having so much trouble deciding what to put in a suitcase! I pondered for a long time and even tried on several different combinations before finally settling on what I would take. Looking back at my packing review from our 2019 trip to Europe helped. Interestingly, a few of the same pieces are going with me again this time! I also thought about what would be culturally appropriate and, of course, I considered the weather. 

Due to the sensitive nature of the area and the ministry that we’ll be involved in, I’ll only be able to share the tourist parts of our trip on the blog, but according to weather forecasts for the various locations that we’ll be travelling to, it looks like daytime temperatures will mostly be in the mid to high 20s C (75 to 85ºF). I suspect that some, but not all, of the facilities that we’ll spend time in will be air conditioned, so we need to be prepared for that as well.  

Although we’re leaving home today, we don’t actually fly out until Monday. Over the weekend, hubby and I will be attending a national neuroendocrine cancer patient conference in Calgary where I’ll be sharing my patient story tomorrow afternoon. That complicated the packing process somewhat because we’ll be wearing things at the conference that we won’t be taking overseas with us. When the conference is over, we’ll spend Sunday night at our daughter’s and then leave our vehicle with her. That meant that I could also pack a separate tote bag to leave there while we’re gone. I just have to make sure that everything is in the right place when we leave for the airport!  

I expect to have internet access most of the time that we’re away and hope to squeeze in time to update the blog from time to time, so come along and travel with us! 

The most important things

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I had a different idea in mind for this week’s post, but then I read something that caused me to pause and think about the important things in life. The truly important things.

If I were to ask many people what’s most important in life, their answers would probably include things like family, good health, happiness, financial or job security, and a safe place to live. Depending on their circumstances, they might even say enough to eat or clean drinking water. These are, after all, very important. In fact, it was some of these things that first came to mind when I started asking myself what’s most important in life, but then I thought of something else.

When Jesus was asked which commandment was most important, He replied, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.'” 

My faith, my personal relationship with God, is the most important thing in my life because it’s the only thing of eternal value, but it was actually Christ’s second statement that I was thinking about when I sat down to write this post. “Love your neighbour as yourself.” The Bible actually has a lot to say about how we treat one another. In fact, the “golden rule” that we were taught as children actually comes directly out of Scripture. Luke 6:31 says, “Do to others as you would have them do to you.”

So why have I been thinking about the importance of how we treat one another? In Canada and the US, at least, and perhaps other parts of the world as well, we have become very polarized people. We are sharply divided along political lines. No sooner had Canadians drawn together in response to threats from our southern neighbour than our own federal election tore us apart again. As I feared would happen, we went from “elbows up” unity to attacking one another for our political views. Nowhere was worse than on social media where people tend to say things they wouldn’t say in person.

Politics is important, but is it the most important thing? Is it worth losing friendships over? Surely each of us is entitled to have our own opinion and to express it without condemnation. Can’t we disagree, but still treat one another with respect or must we vilify those who don’t see eye to eye with us?  After all, while we might not agree on which party is the right one to govern or which leader is the most competent, we all want the same things. We all want what’s best for our country, our families, and ourselves.

Perhaps the most important things in life aren’t things at all. Perhaps our character, who we are and how we treat others, is much more important.

Where in the world are you?

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When it comes to the blog, I’m a bit of a stats junkie. Every 30 minutes WordPress provides updated statistics showing how many readers have visited my site and which posts they’ve read. I especially enjoy looking at the map and the list that tells me where those readers are located. It always amazes me that the words that I type reach such far reaching points on the globe!

 

This map represents the last seven days with the darker shades of blue indicating where the most readers are located. Over time, the majority of my readers have been in the United States and Canada, but the UK, Australia, New Zealand, India, and Germany are also well represented.

While WordPress provides me with lots of interesting information, your identity is protected. It doesn’t tell me who the individuals are who read my posts. Unless you leave a comment either on the blog or on Facebook, I don’t actually know that you’ve been here.

One of the things that I enjoy most about blogging is connecting with people in many different places from different walks of life. I live my life out loud here on the blog. I share everything from my thoughts on fashion to my faith to my life with cancer. Today, I’d like to know more about you. I’d love it if you would tell me where you’re reading this from. It can be as simple as a one word answer, but if you’re comfortable doing so, why not tell me a little more about yourself. If you’re a regular reader, I’d also love to know what kind of posts you enjoy the most, what you’d like to see more of on the blog, and what doesn’t interest you at all.

Today I’m hoping that you’ll step out of that patch of blue on the WordPress map and say hello!

Three trips in one

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As a lover of words and written language, I’ve long been a collector of quotes. Three years ago, when I read Between Two Kingdoms: A Memoir of a Life Interrupted by cancer survivor, Suleika Jaouad, I jotted this one down: 

“When we travel, we actually take three trips. There’s the first trip of preparation and anticipation, packing and daydreaming. There’s the trip you’re actually on. And then, there’s the trip you remember. The key is to be present wherever you are right now.”

The concept of three trips in one really resonated with me because in my experience it’s so true! We seldom go on organized tours or use a travel agent because I prefer to do all our travel planning myself. For me, that’s part of the fun of travelling. It’s the trip before the trip. Thankfully, hubby is a great travel companion and he’s almost always happy to go along with whatever I plan.

Here’s another quote that definitely describes us:

While our departure is still a little over a month away, I’m definitely into trip one of our next big travel adventure. Our flights are booked and paid for, accommodations arranged, and necessary visas received. Now, that those essentials have been taken care of, I’m into the fun part which is researching our destinations and planning the things we’ll see and do while we’re there. I’m also starting to think about what I’ll pack.

Where are we going, you ask? I’m not ready to reveal that just yet, but I will tell you that this adventure is part mission trip and part tourist travel. When the time for trip two, the real trip, arrives, I’m sure I’ll have lots to share with you!

Resurrection Sunday!

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If you are one who usually reads my blog on Fridays, you will have noticed that there wasn’t a new post this week. We spent Good Friday with family and it was indeed a good day. In the morning, we attended a solemn service commemorating the final 24 hours leading up to our Lord’s crucifixion. I don’t think there’s any better way to explain the significance of Good Friday than by sharing the B.C. comic. It says it all. Jesus took my place. He took your place. And He did it willingly. Thankfully though, that wasn’t the end of the story.

Today is Easter, the day that we celebrate the fact (yes, it is a fact) that the broken, battered body that was laid in a borrowed tomb overcame death and rose again! A more fitting name for the day would actually be Resurrection Sunday.

It is thought that the word, Easter, which doesn’t appear in the Bible, was probably derived from the name of Eostre, a pre-Christian goddess in England who was celebrated at beginning of spring. Given the symbolism of new life and rebirth, it seems fitting to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus at this time of year, but the real reason that this time of year was chosen is the close proximity to the Jewish Passover. It was during the Passover festival that Jesus was executed.

Regardless of what we call it though, Easter is the most important day on the Christian calendar. It is the day that we celebrate victory over sin and death.

“Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die.”  John 11:25

If you haven’t accepted Jesus as your Lord and Saviour, this verse might seem like nonsense to you. How can we live if we die? Look back at the comic. Death is the punishment for our sins, our wrongdoings. The Bible tells us that there is no one without sin, not even one, except for Jesus Christ, and He chose to take our punishment. Yes, our bodies will eventually die, but the essence of who we are is not this physical body. It is the spirit that lives within. On Resurrection Sunday, we celebrate the fact that if we accept His payment for our sin, the spirit that is the real me, the real you, will spend eternity with Him. We will not die!

This is not religion. It’s not a set of rules and regulations. It’s a relationship; a relationship with the one who made us and who willingly died for us.

How do I know that this is true? I know because almost fifty years ago He changed my life completely. He took a messed-up life that would surely have ended in despair and transformed it into one that experiences deep inner peace and joy even in the most trying of times. I know because He speaks to me. Like a child with a parent, I don’t always like what He says, but I’ve learned that He always wants what is best for me. I know because He is always with me. I am never alone.

If you don’t know this kind of peace, why not make this Resurrection Sunday the day you decide to accept His free gift of life? It’s as simple as ABC. Admit that you are a sinner (we all are!) Believe that Jesus willingly took your place, died for your sins, and rose again in victory over sin and death. Confess Him as Lord of your life and choose to live in obedience to Him. If you choose to do that today, please let me know, or if you have any questions, feel free to email me at elainedebock@gmail.com.

The tomb is empty. Happy Easter!

What not to say to grieving parents

/ edebock / 10 Comments

This has been a very tough week. Young friends of ours were involved in a tragic accident that took the life of one of their children. Two others are still in critical condition. Immediately after the accident occurred, we were called and asked to go to the hospital because, as parents who lost a child a long time ago, “you will know what to do.”

What do you do in a situation like that? What do you say? We went, but we said very little. There really are no words that are adequate at a time like that. A hug, a gentle touch, or even just your presence might be all that is needed.

Sometimes even the most well-intentioned words can be hurtful, so here are a few things not to say to a grieving parent.

  1.  “I know how you feel.” No, you don’t! Regardless of how close you are or even if you’ve lost a child yourself, you can’t know how another person feels.
  2. “She’s in a better place.” Even if you believe that to be true, it doesn’t address the parent’s tremendous sense of loss. A parent wants their child to be right here, right now.
  3. “God must have needed another angel.” First of all, that’s theologically unsound. People don’t become angels when they die and even if they did, according to Revelation 5:11 God has “thousands upon thousands” of angels. He doesn’t need another one. 
  4. “Everything happens for a reason.” What possible comfort could that be to a parent who has lost a child?
  5. “At least you have other children.” or “You can always have another child.” While these statements might be true, one child can never replace another. 
  6. “Be thankful for the time you had with him.” Unless the parent expresses this sentiment themselves, it’s not appropriate to tell them how they should feel. 
  7. “Call me if there’s anything I can do.” While this is a generous thought, asking for help is difficult at the best of times and a parent in the midst of profound grief might not even know what they need. Instead, look for something specific that you can to do, then offer or if it’s appropriate, simply go ahead and do it.
  8. Finally, try not to make suggestions about what you think they should or shouldn’t do. As Ernest Hemingway once said, “In our darkest moments, we don’t need advice.”

Do offer sincere condolences. It’s enough to simply say, “I’m so sorry for your loss.” Don’t be afraid to show emotion and as time goes by, don’t hesitate to mention the child by name and to share favourite memories of him. 

Lastly, remember that the old adage “time heals all wounds” is not true. While the intense pain of immediate loss does soften with time, a parent’s heart never truly heals. We don’t “get over” our loss, we simply learn to live with it.  

Returning to the stage!

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For many years, community theatre was a big part of my life, but the last time I was on the stage was pre-COVID. By the time the pandemic restrictions were lifted and our local theatre group began working on another play, I had moved on to other pursuits. For their next two plays, I was a member of the audience which definitely felt weird! 

Then early last fall there was an audition call that I absolutely could not pass up. For twenty years or more, the group had been talking about doing a musical, but we just didn’t have the talent necessary to pull it off. That has changed, however, and Flagstaff Players had finally decided to tackle Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. I didn’t even stop to think about whether or not I could fit this into my schedule. I had to do it!

I am not particularly musical, but I can carry a tune in a group and I’ll be singing in the women’s chorus. This is the largest cast we’ve ever had and I have the honour of being the oldest member! For me, one of the the greatest joys of acting in community theatre has been sharing the stage with some of my former students. This time, not only am I doing that, but the youngest member of the women’s chorus is the teenage daughter of a former student! Does that make me feel old? Not really! Being part of a production like this absolutely energizes me and I didn’t realize until this week that I’m probably old enough to be the mother or grandmother of every other member of the chorus! That’s okay; I’m sure there were older women in Canaan and Egypt. After all, Joseph lived to be 110 and his father, Jacob, died at 147!

There are a lot of superstitions connected with the theatre. Many stage actors swear that a bad dress rehearsal means that opening night will go well. Our final dress rehearsal on Wednesday wasn’t bad, but there were certainly some little glitches that we are keen to correct. Tonight is opening night and we are ready! We’ll be doing four shows in total; two this weekend and two next. If you’re local, I hope to see you there!  

Time for a change

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Although there’s been plenty of talk about doing away with daylight savings time here in Alberta, it hasn’t happened yet and I’m glad. Yes, we lost an hour of sleep last Saturday night, but I’m loving the extra hour of daylight every day!

Speaking of time and change, I’ve decided that it’s time for a change here on the blog. I’m finding it more and more difficult to come up with a fashion post every single week. When I introduced Fashion Friday in March 2016, I had no idea how long I’d be able to keep it going. I think 9 years and more than 400 posts has been a pretty good run! If you’re one who follows me for those Friday posts, please don’t panic though! I’m not quitting completely. I still plan to write about fashion, just not as often, and I still plan to publish a post every Friday. Some will be about fashion and some will explore other topics. I do hope you’ll continue to follow along.

So as not to be completely devoid of fashion news today, I do have a couple of things to share. Northern Reflections, one of Canada’s most recognizable fashion brands, has been acquired by Putman Investments, the same company that was responsible for revitalizing a number of other well-known retail brands including Toys “R” Us and Babies “R” Us Canada, Sunrise Records, and UK-based HMV. While customers may see a few changes over the coming months, the company is committed to maintaining approximately 105 stores across Canada. On a similar note, Ricki’s and Cleo, the two Canadian fashion retailers whose demise I previously wrote about here, have also been purchased out of creditor protection by Putman Investments. I definitely look forward to seeing what their revival looks like and I’m very happy that the rescuing company is Canadian!

On a more personal note, I’ll also share a change that took place in my life about a week ago. Considering the fact that I had never even once attended a patient support group meeting, it might seem a bit crazy, but I agreed to become co-lead of the CNETS patient support group here in Alberta! CNETS is the Canadian Neuroendocrine Tumour Society and neuroendocrine is the cancer that I’ve had for over 11 years. When I was first diagnosed back in 2013, support group meetings took place in person in Edmonton, over two hours from my home. Since I already had the support of family, friends, and prayer partners around the world, I really didn’t feel a need to get involved. Like so many other things, with the onset of COVID, the meetings went online and they’ve remained that way since except that there haven’t been very many of them in the past couple of years. The previous leader was feeling burned out and no one had stepped up to take his place. When a fellow member of the CNETS Advocacy Advisory Board who also lives in Alberta asked me to consider joining her as co-lead, I was very hesitant. I don’t need a patient support group, I told myself, but the answer I heard in my heart was “maybe the group needs you”. So here I am, jumping into something brand new. Oh well, just like Daylight Savings Time, change can be a good thing!

Image: Pixabay