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Navigating family life during a teacher strike

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I was working on a fashion post for today, but then life got in the way. You may or may not be aware of the fact that teachers in this province have been on strike since October 6th. After almost three weeks out of his normal routine, our 11-year-old neurodiverse grandson was bored out of his mind. Mom and Dad were working and he was driving his teenage siblings crazy, so Gram and Grandpa decided to come to the rescue. Yesterday we drove three hours to their place, stayed the night, and then brought him home with us today.

Grandpa had a dentist appointment in Camrose on the way home, so we stopped there for lunch, a bit of shopping and a walk around beautiful Mirror Lake.

We have no idea how long our young guest will be with us. There could be movement on the teacher strike as early as Monday or it could drag on for awhile longer. In the meantime, between playing substitute parent to a very busy boy and trying to figure out how to feed him (he has celiac disease and food avoidance issues), I hope to find time to finish that fashion post for next week!

A life transformed

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Back in August when I wrote this post about several 50 year milestones in my life in 2025, I mentioned that In October it would be 50 years since I made the life-changing decision to follow Christ. A couple of readers mentioned that they would be interested in hearing more about how I reached that decision. I had already been thinking about sharing that story on the blog, so I decided I would do it today, the 50th anniversary of the day that my life was transformed.

As far back as I can remember, my family went to church every Sunday morning. I attended Sunday School and youth group and for several years, church camp was the highlight of my summers. In my early teens, I attended confirmation classes to learn more about the church and the Christian faith. The purpose of these classes was to prepare us for church membership, but when the classes ended and the minister asked me if I was ready to join the church, I said no. I felt that something was missing, but I didn’t know what it was. I knew that Jesus loved me and that He had died for me, but I felt that there must be more to it than that. When I discovered that all the other students in the class were going to join, however, I didn’t want to be the only one who was left out, so I changed my mind. After all, I was a good kid, a quiet kid who didn’t like to stand out from the crowd.

The summer before my final year of high school, my father took a job in the Northwest Territories and we moved from Vancouver to Yellowknife; from the third largest city in Canada to a small, isolated  community in the middle of nowhere. I had to leave my home, my friends, my school, my church, and everything else that mattered to a teenage girl. I wouldn’t get to graduate with my class. I was angry and I made a very conscious decision to rebel. I decided that I was going to find out how the other half lived. I quit going to church and started drinking and partying. I abandoned the morals that I had been taught and less than two years after leaving Vancouver, I entered into a teenage marriage that never should have happened.

We had only been married for a year and a half when my husband, a very charismatic narcissist, told me that he had fallen in love with someone else. He didn’t want our marriage to end though. Instead, he wanted to invite her to move in with us! I absolutely refused to allow that to happen and tried for another year to make our relationship work, but midway through my third year of university, it was over and we went our separate ways. I was broken. My dreams were shattered and I felt like unwanted, unloved garbage. That led to more unhealthy relationships.

In spite of all that was going on in my personal life, I managed to graduate from university with my teaching degree and I accepted a job in the very small town where we still live today. I realized that as a teacher in such a small community, my life would be on display for everyone to see. It was the mid 1970s and I was sure that if I continued to live the way I had been, parents wouldn’t want me teaching their kids.

Once again, I made a conscious decision to turn my life around. I thought I could do it on my own, but God had a much better plan. Richard was also a new teacher at the school that year. One evening early in the fall, he shared with me what it meant to be a Christian in a way that I had never heard before. He told me that if I acknowledged my sins, asked for God’s forgiveness, and surrendered my life to Christ, I could have a personal relationship with Him and my life would be transformed. I quickly realized that this was the missing piece that I hadn’t heard about growing up. I didn’t know that I had to make an actual decision to follow Christ or that I could have a personal relationship with Him.

At the same time, I also realized that making that decision would mean giving up control of my own life. Considering what a mess I’d been making of it up to that point, you would think that this would be an easy or obvious decision, but I wrestled with it. Eventually though, I couldn’t deny that God was calling me and I finally surrendered my stubborn will to His. When that happened my life changed completely. There were no flashes of lightning or tongues of fire, just an incredible peace that I had not known before. I felt like a brand new person, free of any guilt or shame over my past. I no longer had any desire to live the way I had been.

I quickly learned that God didn’t want to be a distant deity who cared about me, but who wasn’t personally involved in my life. Like a Japanese kintsugi artist, He began to fill the broken places in my life with gold and turn me into a vessel that He could use for His good purposes.

I wish that I could tell you that life was always easy after that, but of course, it wasn’t. In John 16:33, Jesus tells us, “In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” Over the past 50 years, I have suffered great loss and betrayal. I have spent the last 12 of those years fighting cancer, but I have never been alone in any of these dark times. One of my favourite Bible verses is Isaiah 41:10 which says, “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” I can testify to the truth of that!

Whatever you take away from this post, please note that this is not about church or even about religion, it’s about an intimate, personal relationship with the Creator of the universe; a relationship that is available to everyone regardless of who you are and what you’ve done. If you have any questions or would like to chat about this, please feel free to comment below or send me an email at debock2@gmail.com.

Image: ChatGPT

What’s for lunch?

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I started making bag lunches for my brother and I when I was in junior high. For three of my four university years, I lived off campus and carried a bag lunch almost every day. Then, throughout our teaching career, I made bag lunches for my husband, our children, and I. That’s over 40 years and thousands of sandwiches!

When we retired, I was excited that I’d never have to make bag lunches again, but then came the dilemma that I still live with 18 years later. What should I make for lunch today? In retrospect, making sandwiches every day was easier than having to decide what to feed us for lunch every single day for the rest of our lives!

When my parents were in their later years, they ate the same simple lunch almost every day. It consisted of Laughing Cow cheese and fresh buns from the bakery down the street from their apartment. How boring, I thought, but now I understand! While I don’t think hubby would go for that, he’d probably be happy with mac and cheese or eggs and toast every day. Me, not so much!

I decided to ask ChatGPT for ideas. If you’re not familiar with ChatGPT, it’s a free and easy to use artificial intelligence (AI) chatbot, a tool that can do everything from recommending a book for you to read to helping you plan a trip. In a matter of seconds, it gave me several possibilities. Some include ingredients that I won’t find in my small town grocery store, but others are very doable. I had to laugh though when I saw that the final item on the list was peanut butter and banana sandwiches, something that often appeared in those bag lunches!

The photo was also generated by ChatGPT.

Now it’s your turn. I’d love to hear some simple, nutritious lunch ideas! What are your favourite things to make for lunch?

How can it be fall already?

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Do you remember when you were a kid and summer seemed to go on forever? Me too, but now it seems to fly by in a flash. I have a love/hate relationship with fall. I love the crisp autumn air and the changing colours, but fall means winter is just around the corner and I’m never ready for that!

I try to hold onto summer for as long as I can, but the signs are all around me. Days are getting shorter and leaves are beginning to change colour. Teachers and students are back in school and soon our regular fall/winter activities will be in full swing again. Still, I have a hard time accepting the changing season. Reality definitely hit this morning though. When I first looked out it was -1ºC (30.2ºF) and there was frost on the roofs across the street! Frost in the first week of September!

For me, summer seemed to go by faster than ever this year. Perhaps that’s because with all the traveling we did to far flung places like Armenia, Germany, and Alaska, we didn’t spend as much time doing the things we usually do during the summer months. We did manage to fit in a fair amount of golf and we hope to do more of that in the few weeks before the course closes, but we’ve only spent 11 nights in our trailer, less than half our usual 25 or more. We are planning to get out for one more short trip, but after that it will be time for hubby to winterize the trailer. We’ve only had the kayak on the water four times, so I sure hope we can do that again too.

As a retired teacher, the beginning of September always feels like the start of a new year to me. As such, it’s a good time to set some goals or make some “new years” resolutions. Sharing them with you will make me more accountable and help me actually accomplish them, so thank you for that!

When I think about this summer’s golf and kayaking season, one thing that stood out to me was the fact that over the past few years, I’ve lost strength in my shoulders and upper arms. No surprise, as I used to lift weights all winter. Doing that is more than I can handle now, but I need to do something, so I’ve decided to add some work with dumbbells to the morning exercises that are already an established part of my year round routine. This website has some good information and exercises for seniors, so I’m going to do a set of the 5 upper body weight training exercises every morning Monday to Friday.

It’s been ages since I last published a Fashion Friday post, so that’s also something that I plan to resume doing on a semi regular basis. I haven’t shopped for clothes in quite awhile, but I have been paying attention to what’s on trend for fall and here are a few things that I’ve been noticing…

  • chocolate brown, lots of chocolate brown
  • off-white and neutral tones
  • blazers with jeans
  • bulky, oversized sweaters
  • capes
  • dark wash jeans in almost any style, but not torn or distressed
  • suede boots, shoes and handbags
  • loafers and mary janes
  • statement belts
  • statement necklaces
  • scarves, both silk and knit

While lots of these are very wearable and make me want to rush out and start shopping, my first step will be my semi annual closet changeover (but not until after that last camping trip!) At that point, I’ll take a close look at what I already have, then figure out what, if anything, I actually need. Then I might look for a few pieces that fit with my existing wardrobe and that I’m likely to wear for more than one season, pieces that fit my style adjectives… classy, comfortable, casual, confident, and authentic.

What about you? Are you happy or sad that summer is over? Do you have any goals or plans for the new season? Will you be wearing any of this season’s trends?

A Scenic Journey on the White Pass & Yukon Route

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I first rode the narrow gauge White Pass & Yukon Route railway on a family holiday in the summer of 1967. I was 14 at the time. In those days, there was no road between Whitehorse in the Yukon and Skagway in southeast Alaska. We drove to Haines, Alaska, took a ferry to Skagway, and then, with our vehicle loaded on a flat car, rode the train to Whitehorse.

 

The White Pass & Yukon Route has a fascinating history. When gold was found in the Yukon in 1897, the news spread like wildfire and tens of thousands of fortune seekers steamed up the Inside Passage waterway to Skagway and Dyea to begin the treacherous overland trek to the Klondike. Each person was required to carry a ton of supplies. Some chose the shorter, but steeper Chilkoot Trail that started at Dyea while others chose the longer, less steep White Pass Trail from Skagway. Both led to the interior lake country where the stampeders could begin a 550 mile (885 km) journey through the lake systems to the Yukon River and the gold fields. 

On May 28, 1898 construction began on a railway over the coastal mountains from Skagway to Whitehorse. Thirty-five thousand men worked on the $10 million dollar project.  In just 20 miles, the track climbs from sea level at Skagway to almost 3000 feet (914 metres) at the summit! It features steep grades of almost 3.9%. Tight cliff-hanging curves required a narrow gauge railroad with tracks just 3 feet apart as well as the construction of two tunnels and numerous bridges and trestles. Against all odds, working through the dead of a northern winter, the 110 mile (177 km) project was completed in just 14 months. 

For decades following the gold rush, the White Pass & Yukon Route carried significant amounts of ore and concentrates to tidewater to be loaded onto ships, but with the opening of the Klondike Highway from Whitehorse to Skagway in 1978 followed by plummeting world metal prices, the railroad suspended operations in 1982. Six years later, it reinvented itself as a tourist attraction. 

When we looked at possible shore excursions to add to our recent Alaska cruise, the scenic railway was the one that caught our attention and I looked forward to riding the train again! For the most part, the photos will speak for themselves, but I’ll add a few details as you ride along with us. 

In the next photo, the line across the hillside on the far side of the gully is the Klondike Highway. 

In the early days and when I rode the train in 1967, it was pulled by a steam locomotive. While the railroad still has two of those vintage engines in their fleet, most of the excursions now use diesel engines like this one that passed us going down as we were still climbing. 

That’s the shadow of our train crossing a bridge at the bottom of the next picture. 

If you look very closely at the next photo, you’ll see a tiny slice of blue in front of the distant mountains and in the V between the hillsides. That’s the Skagway harbour far below. 

As the train approaches this broken trestle, it looks like it’s going to cross it, but it hasn’t actually been in use since 1969 and began to fall apart many years after that. It was a bit strange to look across at it and realize that I crossed it back in 1967. 

If you look very closely at this final photo taken near the summit, you can see one of the few remaining bits of the White Pass Trail that was traversed by thousands of gold seekers before the construction of the railway. 

If an Alaska cruise is in your future, I highly recommend the White Pass & Yukon Route shore excursion. You won’t be disappointed! 

 

Traveling again: family time

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Prior to yesterday’s post, the blog had been silent for three weeks. That’s because I was traveling again! For much of that time, I didn’t have internet access and when I did, I was too busy to write about what I was doing. Now that I’m home again, I’m looking forward to reliving some of those experiences as I share them with you.

Our most recent trip was really three in one and, as such, was definitely the most difficult one I’ve ever had to pack for. It started with a family reunion at the beginning of August. Over 70 of hubby’s relatives gathered at his youngest brother’s farm for a fun-filled long weekend.

It was a time of visiting, catching up, food, games, campfires, and even some shenanigans!

When one of the brothers went a little overboard teasing his younger sister about the bright caftans and wide brimmed hat that she wore to protect herself from the sun, a bunch of us gals decided to join her! In spite of our wacky outfits, I love this selfie of my daughter and I.

It was especially fun to watch the children. Second and third cousins, many who’d never met before, quickly became fast friends. Within minutes of arriving, our 11-year-old autistic grandson was part of a “cult” with creative code names like “Walmart Shopping Bag” and “Ikea Dining Table”! On a hot afternoon, a rousing game of Human Battleship with water balloons morphed into a giant water fight. A visit to the nearby cemetery to place refurbished headstones on old family graves was a more sombre moment and I was very moved by the response to a silent auction to raise funds for neuroendocrine cancer and Parkinson’s disease research. Half the proceeds put me within $100 of my Hoofing It fundraiser goal.

Like most of the crowd, we stayed in our trailer during the reunion, but then we left it at the farm and picked it up again after the second and third parts of our vacation which included a road trip to Vancouver and an Alaskan cruise. That’s why packing was such a conundrum! I could easily pack for any one of the three, but making the transition from trailer to road trip to cruise was a challenge even for someone with as much packing experience as I have!

The trip to Vancouver was also about family. It was the first time since our father passed away at the beginning of March 2020, less than a week before the Covid pandemic shut the world down, that all three of my siblings and I were able to be in Vancouver at the same time. In his younger years, Dad was an avid mountaineer and mountains were his passion, so it only seemed fitting that his final resting place be on one of the mountains overlooking the city where he was born and spent much of his life. On the morning of August 9, nine family members hiked the short, but fairly steep trail to beautiful Mystery Lake and selected a secluded spot nearby to finally lay his ashes to rest. 

The following day we celebrated my beloved older brother’s 75th birthday. Surrounded by family, friends, and caregivers, Donald was the man of the hour! 

To read Donald’s story, visit this post that I wrote more than a decade ago. It was later published in the Community Living Society’s quarterly publication, The Communicator. 

Part three of our trip was the Alaska cruise. In order to keep this post from becoming too long and because I’m still sorting through the 300+ photos that I took on that portion of the trip, I’ll share it in a separate post (or maybe even more than one) within the next few days. 

50 years!

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50 years ago today I arrived in Sedgewick to begin my teaching career thinking that I’d probably stay for a year or two. Half a century later, I’m still here!

I’ll never forget that day. That morning, I boarded a Greyhound bus heading for a little town of less than 1000 people. I’d accepted the job over the phone and couldn’t even visualize a town that small. My high school in Vancouver had had more students than that! The bus stopped in numerous little towns on it’s way across the prairie. Some looked promising and others, with boarded up buildings, looked downright dismal. What would Sedgewick be like and what would I do when I got there? Most of my household goods had been shipped out in advance and I knew that they were waiting for me in a furnished apartment across the street from the school, but I had no idea where that was or how I’d get there with more luggage than I could carry on my own. That was, of course, before suitcases had wheels. When the bus finally pulled into Sedgewick I was the only passenger who stood up to get off, but there was a man waiting at the stop. I remember feeling sorry for him because I thought his wife must have missed the bus. Imagine my surprise when I disembarked and he greeted me by name! He was the school principal. Not only did he know where my apartment was, but he also knew who the landlord was and where he lived! After stopping to pick up the key, he dropped me at my apartment and told me he’d be back to pick me up in an hour because his wife was making dinner for us! That was my introduction to small town living.

But what in the world kept me here for 50 years? A man, of course! Eleven days after I stepped off that bus, I met him at the first staff meeting of the school year and thirteen months later we were married!

2025 has been full of 50 year milestones. 50 years have passed since I graduated from university. It’s been 50 years since I moved to Sedgewick, 50 years since I met my husband, and 50 years since I started my teaching career, but there’s still one more 50 year milestone to come. In October it will be 50 years since I made the life-changing decision to follow Christ.

It’s been a half century of ups and downs, joys and sorrows. I’ve raised a family and welcomed 8 grandchildren. While I envy those who have their families close, we knew that there was nothing to hold our children here, so we gave them wings and watched them fly. We fly away from time to time too, but even after 50 years, Sedgewick still seems like a good place to come home to!

Then and now…

9 signs that I might be 70 going on 40

/ edebock / 8 Comments

Earlier this week, I played a round of golf with a group of younger women who were astounded to learn that I’m over 70. That got me thinking about a recent post by one of my favourite bloggers, Pamela Lutrell of Over 50 Feeling 40. Pam, who is the same age as I am, shared a very interesting article, 9 signs you’re 70 going on 40 — without even trying by Avery White, and then wrote a self evaluation based on the author’s 9 points. Today, I thought I’d do likewise.

I want to preface my personal evaluation by saying that I’m not interested in trying to look younger than I am. I love the introduction to White’s article… “There’s something magnetic about people who’ve crossed into their 70s but still radiate the spark, wit, and energy of someone thirty years younger. They’re not desperately clinging to youth or chasing trends — they’re just… alive. Fully, authentically alive. And they don’t even seem to be trying.” That’s definitely something I aspire to.

So let’s see how I’m doing.

1. You keep learning just for the thrill of it.

I think I’m doing very well in this category. I consider myself a lifelong learner with a love of reading and a passion for research. 50 years ago, I was that odd student in university who loved researching and writing papers and I haven’t really changed.

We live in an ever changing world, but even in my 70s, I try to keep up with new technology. Like Esther of the Old Testament, I believe that I was born “for such a time as this” and that it behooves me to learn to use the tools of today (although I do have to call on my more tech savvy offspring for help from time to time!)

2. You move because it feels good—not to punish yourself.

Again, I’d give myself an excellent mark in this area. I exercise for about 20 minutes before I leave the bedroom Monday to Friday mornings and I’m striving to walk at least 5 days a week, which reminds me that I’m very thankful to each one of you who has contributed to my Hoofing It fundraiser for neuroendocrine cancer research! I also enjoy bowling during the winter and hiking, kayaking, and playing golf in the summer.

I exercise, not because I’m trying to look younger or to achieve a perfect body, but simply because it feels good and because I believe in the old adage “use it or lose it”.

3. You don’t obsess over your age.

I really don’t. In fact, I’m proud of my age. When I was diagnosed with cancer 12 years ago, I had no expectation that I’d reach my 70s, so I’m just very thankful to be here. My age doesn’t define me and for the most part, it doesn’t limit me although I do get a bit frustrated when I can’t hit a golf ball as far as I used to!

4. You say yes more than no.

I’m not sure that I actually agree with this one. As I wrote in this post earlier this month, it’s okay to say no and to be able to do so without feeling guilty. I like to be spontaneous and I do say yes to lots of things, but I also know my limits and try not to overdo.

5. You have friends of all ages.

This has always been true of me, but these days most of my friends are younger than me, some as young as my own children. Sadly, some of my more elderly friends have passed away in recent years.

6. You laugh easily—especially at yourself.

I don’t know about laughter being the best medicine, but apparently it really is good for our health. According to the Mayo Clinic, one of my first go-tos for all things medical, “When it comes to relieving stress, more giggles and guffaws are just what the doctor ordered.” Knowing that, I admit that I probably don’t laugh as much as I should, but I’m definitely able to laugh at myself. Worrying less about what other people think is one of the benefits of aging for most of us and I certainly don’t embarrass as easily as I did when I was younger.

7. You still chase new goals—even small ones.

I think this fits well with #1, being a lifelong learner. I am always ready to try something new and while I don’t have a written bucket list, there are certainly a few things in the back of my mind that I haven’t done yet.

8. You don’t over-nostalgize.

I definitely do not live in the past. Parts of it are much too painful and dwelling there would rob me of joy. Instead, while trying to learn from the mistakes of the past, I try to live in the present and look forward to the future.

9. You make people feel seen.

As an introvert, this final point is one where I might give myself a failing mark, but it’s something that I’ve been consciously working on. Wherever I happen to be, I try to notice the people around me. Sometimes I simply smile as I pass by, but I’ve started to look for opportunities to offer a genuine compliment or an encouraging word. This is especially true when I’m in the cancer clinic where I know that people are often feeling stressed or overwhelmed and really need to feel seen.

Whether you’re in your 70s or not, do you recognize yourself in any of these points? One of Avery White’s final thoughts wraps up the topic perfectly. “The truest kind of agelessness comes from your mindset, your curiosity, your willingness to stay engaged — with people, with ideas, with life itself.”

Where was God?

/ edebock / 11 Comments

Sitting down to write a blog post seems almost frivolous in light of the horrific events that have unfolded in Texas and New Mexico over the past week and a bit. We’ve seen whole buildings washed downstream like bits of flotsam. We can’t look at the news or scroll through social media (something I admit to doing way too much of) without seeing the faces of adults and children who were swept away by a raging torrent. We read agonizing reports from those who sift through the debris searching first for survivors and now for bodies to bring some sense of closure to grieving families.

How can I, who loved going to summer camp year after year when I was growing up, wrap my head around Camp Mystic? As an adult, I’ve slept in dusty old camp cabins with groups of little girls under my care. Some of those same cabins were later swept away by a flood, but thankfully no one was in them at the time. As a parent, I’ve packed up my own children and sent them off to camp trusting that they’d come home with happy stories of their time away.

I can easily imagine the whispers and giggles of little girls settling into their bunks for the night, but then came the nightmare; the rushing waters that weren’t just a bad dream. How can we even begin to process that?

Where was God in this? Couldn’t He have stopped the flood? Couldn’t He have saved every one of those lives? Why did He let this happen? Those are hard questions. Questions that might shake a person’s faith. Questions that don’t have easy answers.

I’m not here to give pat answers, to try to explain the unexplainable. I will simply tell you what I know and that is that God is still present and He is still good. This tragedy is not a sign of His anger or His judgement. He was there in the chaos and He is there for those who were left behind to grieve. Yes, He could have stopped it from happening, but for reasons that are far beyond my understanding, He chose not to.

This is not a time for speculation as to causes or for blame. It is a time for grieving, for lament, for prayer, and for reflection. It is also a time when we are reminded of the brevity and the fragility of life. Perhaps it should be a time for reevaluation. A time to ask, what am I doing with the time I’ve been given? Will my life make a difference? Am I ready for eternity?

How to say no without feeling guilty

/ edebock / 3 Comments

Whether you are working and raising a family or older and possibly even retired, do you ever find yourself overwhelmed because you’ve said yes to too many things? Do you spend so much time doing for others that you don’t have time or energy for yourself, your marriage, or your family?

Establishing boundaries that protect your time, prioritize what’s important to you, and maintain healthy relationships is essential for your own well-being. Declining an invitation or saying no to a request can be surprisingly difficult, especially if you’re afraid of disappointing someone or worry that they’ll hold it against you, but sometimes it’s essential and it does get easier with practice. Learning how to say no without feeling guilty is one of the most important and most freeing lessons that I’ve learned in life. I only wish that I had learned it sooner!

One of the important things to learn is that you don’t owe anyone an explanation. You can simply say no without giving a reason. Here are some ways to do that politely, but firmly.

  1. “I’m sorry, but I won’t be able to do that.”
  2. “Sadly, I’m going to have to say no to that.”
  3. “I’m flattered to be asked, but I’ll have to say no.”

If you do want to give a reason for saying no, keep it simple.

  1. “I’m sorry, but I’m busy with other commitments.”
  2. “Thank you for thinking of me, but my calendar is full”
  3. “Thank you, but I have other plans.”
  4. “I’m really not the right person for that.”
  5. “I don’t have the necessary skills to do that.”
  6. “That’s not something I’m comfortable with.”

The following responses would be appropriate if the request is something that you might be interested in at some point in the future, but be careful that by trying to be polite you’re not to opening a door that you’d rather keep closed.

  1. “I won’t be able to help with that right now, but maybe next time.”
  2. “Unfortunately, I’m not able to go this time, but I really appreciate the invitation.”
  3. “I’ll have to say no, but please keep me in mind for the future.”
  4. “I’ll have to pass this time, but please let me know if there’s another opportunity.”

Instead of an outright no, offering an alternative might be appropriate in some situations.

  1. “I won’t be able to do that, but … might be able to help you.”
  2. “I’m not able to help this month, but I would be available next month.”
  3. “I don’t have time to bake anything, but I could bring pickles.”
  4. “I won’t be able to help set up, but I could stay afterward and help with clean up.”

One of the best strategies that I’ve adopted is not giving an immediate response to most requests. There are rare occasions when I’ll say yes or no on the spot, but I’ll usually give one of the following responses that give me time to consider the request and be sure of my answer.

  1. “I’ll have to check my calendar and get back to you.”
  2. “I’ll need to think about that. I’ll let you know by…”
  3. “I’d like to pray about that before I give you a definite answer.” I only use this one if I actually intend to pray about it!

Lastly, if you are in a relationship that is characterized by manipulative or controlling behaviour, a relationship where you are afraid to say no, you need to get help.