The pot that never boils

Waiting for our daughter to have a baby is like watching the proverbial pot that never boils!

Before Andrew was born in 2008, Melaina went through what one of her doctors called the longest latent (unproductive) labour in history. It was a marathon that went on for eleven days! Over and over, her contractions would increase in intensity and regularity then slow down again. She made several frustrating trips to the hospital but each time she was told to go home and continue waiting.  Because she hadn’t reached her due date yet, they wouldn’t do anything to help her along.

Two years later, when baby #2 was on the way, the doctors assured Melaina that it was very unlikely that she’d go through the same thing again. Though not exactly the same, the weeks leading up to Jami-Lee’s birth were equally frustrating. After four episodes of false labour, she finally arrived on her due date.

Now we’re waiting for #3 and history is repeating itself. Melaina’s contractions started over three weeks ago but still no baby! Again, they increase in intensity and frequency until it appears that the time has finally come and then they subside again. After several false alarms and afraid that we’d miss the big event if we waited any longer, we packed up and came to Calgary a week ago. We thought for sure that Saturday was the day. After three hours of contractions three minutes apart, we decided that it was almost time to head for the hospital but before we did, things slowed down again.

Poor Melaina is beyond frustrated and totally exhausted. Yesterday she was given Tylenol 3 to help with the pain and allow her to get some sleep but because, once again, she hasn’t reached her official due date, the doctors are unwilling to do anything to speed things up. Her due date is Friday and she has another doctor appointment next Tuesday but we’re hoping the pot finally boils before that!

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Thank you, Ida!

One of the unexpected perks of blogging has been the long distance friendships that I’ve developed with several other bloggers. If you’ve been reading Following Augustine for long, you probably know that I enjoy reading fashion blogs and that I absolutely love experiencing or learning about life in other parts of the world. What could be better then, than a fashion and lifestyle blog written by a Malaysian who lives in Dubai with her Italian husband? That would be Ida C, writer of Mrs Jack of All Trades!

Successful fashion bloggers sometimes receive samples from manufacturers or retailers who ask them to write reviews of their products. A few weeks ago, Ida received just such a package from a Taiwanese online shop called Born Pretty. It contained a fashion watch with a vintage looking Roman numeral face and a wrap around leather bracelet. She wrote her review here.

Ida and I often comment on one another’s blog posts and on this occasion, I wrote, “I love the watch! I could definitely see myself wearing one.” Several others left similar comments.

Not long afterward, I received a personal message from Ida telling me that she was sending me a “little something that would hopefully elevate your day.” What could it be, I wondered, as I waited in anticipation for it come all the way from Dubai.

Today, the parcel arrived!

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Have you guessed what it contained?

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Yes! The Born Pretty watch is now on my wrist further cementing a solid friendship between two women residing on opposite sides of the globe who have only met through the worldwide community of blogging! Thank you, Ida!

And now for my review… what do I like best about the watch? I love the vintage look of the watch itself combined with the edgier style of the wrap around strap. Though the genuine leather band comes in a variety of other colours, I’m glad mine is brown as it will coordinate well with my wardrobe. The only drawback is the fact that putting it on by myself was quite tricky. Now that it’s securely on my wrist, however, it’s very comfortable.

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Where does my strength come from?

In the six months since my cancer was diagnosed, (yes, it’s been six months already!) many of you have commented on my strength. While I’m both flattered and encouraged by your kind words, I feel I must give credit where credit is due.

The strength you speak of is not my own. I believe with all my heart that it comes from my relationship with the living God, creator of the universe. Oh, it’s true that tough times in the past have made me stronger and I’d be remiss not to mention that I have the support of a loving husband, family, friends and community but ultimately, if it were not for my relationship with God, I’d probably be a basket case by now!

I grew up in a church-going family but by the time I reached my late teens, I’d turned my back on the things I was taught and gone my own way. It wasn’t until I’d made a huge mess of my life that I heard something I’d never heard in all those years of Sunday School and church. I heard about a God who wanted to have a personal relationship with me and that made all the difference in the world! It wasn’t about a religion and following a bunch of old-fashioned rules. It was simply about someone who could take the mess I’d made out of my life and turn it into something beautiful. That’s where my strength comes from!

Does the fact that I have cancer mean that God has forgotten me or worse yet, that he doesn’t exist? Absolutely not! I have no idea why he has allowed this to happen but I am confident that the words of Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” are as true for me today as they were for the Jews who were living in exile in Babylon in the days of the prophet.

In addition to acknowledging the true source of my strength, I must also admit that I had an amazing example in my oldest daughter who died at the age of five following a 14 month battle with leukemia. She endured so much more than I have with incredible dignity and grace. Though her wee body was ravaged by chemotherapy and radiation, her faith never wavered! She certainly knew where her strength came from and her legacy lives on in those whose lives she touched. I am inspired to fight the fight as well as she did!

Ready to go home after an 8 weeks stay in hospital

Ready to go home after an 8 week stay in hospital

A time to be born and a time…

Hello world, I’m back!

I spent most of the past two weeks in seclusion due to the high level of radioactivity caused by my most recent cancer treatment. Yesterday was my first day of freedom and I was out of the house almost as often as I had been over the prior fourteen days! There’s not a lot to blog about when you sit at home all day every day. I rested a lot at first, read several good books and resumed my exercise routine as soon as I felt up to it. I also frittered away a fair amount of time on the internet, my lifeline to the outside world.

Now that I’m free, able to be out and about, I can’t help wondering what the next few weeks will hold. We’re eagerly awaiting the birth of our fifth grandchild and hoping to be in Calgary when he arrives. Our daughter, Melaina, isn’t technically due until mid March but the little fellow is threatening to come early and we’ve reached the point where we need to be ready to jump in the car at a moment’s notice.

At the same time, in Vancouver, my 91-year-old diabetic mother who suffers from severe dementia has been hospitalized with a gangrenous toe and we’re awaiting the doctor’s decision regarding whether or not her foot should be amputated! What an agonizing decision for my father to have to make. Mom is already confined to a wheelchair so losing a foot won’t change her quality of life significantly. It’s the surgery itself that worries us. That and the fact that gangrene is a serious and life threatening condition. Has the infection been caught soon enough or will it continue to spread? At the same time that we’re saying hello to the newest member of the family, will we also be saying good bye to the oldest, his great grandmother?

Ecclesiastes tells us “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die” but the life in between can sure be tough sometimes!

Dad & Mom

My parents

Riding the roller coaster again

Cancer is definitely a roller coaster ride! Yesterday was up and today is back down again.

I had my second mIBG treatment on Friday. When Dr. MacEwan, nuclear medicine radioisotope specialist at the Cross, entered the room for our pretreatment consultation, he started by thanking me for contacting my MLA about the delay in getting government approval for the lutetium clinical trial. It made a big difference, he said. In fact, the trial has received approval and is up and running now but there are a few hoops left to jump through before they can begin taking on new patients like myself. In the meantime though, the clinic is working overtime treating those patients who were receiving lutetium before the government cut its funding.

Though lutetium might still be my better option, yesterday’s post treatment scan showed that the mIBG appears to be working. There was no indication that the cancer had grown or spread. That was great news and we rode it to the top of the roller coaster!

Then the phone rang this morning. It was Dr. MacEwan calling with the results of the PET scan that I had before Friday’s treatment. He had ordered the scan in hopes that it would shed some light on what it was that had previously been found in the left side of my face. Apparently, it revealed that there is a growth of some sort in my salivary gland. That didn’t come as a complete surprise to me as I’ve been feeling swelling and tenderness there for some time. Dr. MacEwan is quite confident that it isn’t related to my other tumours, however. He suggested that there are a number of possibilities, many of them benign. Though he did his best to reassure me that it likely isn’t anything to be too concerned about, I felt the roller coaster begin to descend again.

After discussing options, including simply keeping an eye on it, we agreed that a needle biopsy to determine exactly what we’re dealing with would be a good idea. I’ll return to the Cross for that in about a month’s time after I’ve had time to fully recuperate from Friday’s treatment and my body has rid itself of most of the radioactivity. I have a lot of confidence in Dr. MacEwan and I feel certain that he wouldn’t intentionally give me false hope so, though I’m not feeling at the top of the roller coaster anymore, I haven’t crashed either.

It’s an ordinary common variety head cold that has me feeling really down today! 😦

Once a Mom…

When do you stop being a Mom? Is it when they graduate high school? when they leave home? when they marry? or is it when they have children of their own? No, the answer is never! You never stop being a Mom!

I still remember getting up at 2:00 a.m. and then again at 6:00 to feed the baby. Tired as I was, I enjoyed those peaceful moments; just the baby and I. There was no baby to feed last night though. Instead, I was up periodically checking Facebook to find out the latest news on our three-year-old granddaughter who was rushed to Children’s Hospital in Calgary late yesterday afternoon suffering from a severe asthma attack, her third in the past five months.

When Jami arrived at emergency, there was no long wait. She was rushed into trauma and immediately swarmed by doctors and nurses who swiftly attached her to various monitors and tubes. At that point, she was virtually unable to breathe! The next few hours were scary ones! Every time the oxygen was removed or she pulled it off, her levels plummeted. At one point, she was being given a bronchodilator (rescue medication) every 30 minutes. Normal use would be every 4 to 6 hours! That caused her poor little heart to work overtime, adding to her distress.

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Picture 4Poor pregnant Mommy was wearing out fast and I wanted nothing more than to jump in the car and head for Calgary. Unfortunately, we couldn’t do that. The nurse was coming from Red Deer this morning to give me my regular Sandostatin injection and there are a number of other appointments and meetings this week that we really need to be here for. Fortunately, Melaina did what Moms do. She hung in there and stayed by her little princess’ side all night long. At one point, they were talking about moving Jami to ICU but things began to turn around after she was given an IV steroid.

Now, 24 hours after heading for the hospital, Jami is off oxygen and rebounding as children so often do. She’s finally being moved out of ER to a regular ward. Hopefully both she and her Mom can get some rest while they’re there. Even when she’s discharged, the battle won’t be over. The struggle to find the right combination of medications to keep this from happening again will go on and sadly, there may be more nights like this one.

Yes, I remember those quiet night time feedings but asthma runs in the family and I also remember the nights when we were up with Jami’s Uncle Matt watching his poor little chest pop in and out as he battled for every breath. It’s hard to watch your children suffer and it doesn’t get any easier when they have children of their own!

Once a mother, always a mother!

How am I doing?

“How are you doing?”

I’m asked the question often and I really don’t know how to answer! The short answer is, “I’m feeling fine and able to live a normal life right now and for that I’m very thankful!”

I know there are some of you, however, who want the long answer. Other than a sensation in the left side of my face that doesn’t feel quite right, I really am feeling fine but I have no idea what’s happening on the inside. Not knowing whether the cancer is growing and spreading or if it’s been arrested by the treatment that I had in November is somewhat disconcerting but it’s the growth in my face that concerns me the most because we know that it wasn’t receptive to the mIBG.

I’ll be back in Edmonton on January 31 for more tests and another treatment so I hope to have more answers after that. Because I tolerated the last treatment so well, I don’t even have to stay in the lead lined room this time! Instead, I’ll be receiving my treatment as an outpatient. I’d feel more confident if I knew that it was going to be lutetium instead of mIBG though. That was the original plan but the government hasn’t given final approval to the clinical trial yet. Since I don’t know where the hold up is, I’ve written to both my MP and my MLA asking them to look into the matter. As I pointed out to them, it may only be paperwork to those who are dealing with it at the government level but it’s a matter of life and death to people like me! Both their offices immediately forwarded my concern to their respective health departments but I’ve heard nothing more!

In the meantime, I’m grateful that I can live a very normal life. With the exception of blood tests at the nearby hospital every second Friday and a Sandostatin injection here at home every 28 days, my schedule is much the same as it’s always been. I’ve suffered absolutely no ill effects from either the mIBG or the Sandostatin, my energy and appetite are unaffected and I’m sleeping well. I do suffer from bouts of anxiety but thankfully, they haven’t been too frequent. My biggest regret is not being able to take a role in our drama club’s upcoming production of Agatha Christie’s murder mystery, And Then There Were None, because the upcoming treatment will render me too radioactive to be in close contact with other people for the final two weeks of rehearsal.

I often find January a long and dull month but getting back on track physically has helped a lot. Over the past three weeks, I’ve walked 12 miles (almost 20 km) on the treadmill and since the weather has been unseasonably warm, we’ve also done some walking outside. With all the freezing and thawing, however, it’s pretty treacherous out there right now and the treadmill is a lot safer. I’m also back to three full weight lifting sets three times a week. After almost a year long hiatus, I started with what seemed like ridiculously small weights but I’ve already started increasing them. Sadly, there’s still a bulge around my middle and the best I can say for my weight is that it hasn’t continued to climb but I know that the exercise is contributing to my overall feeling of well-being and I’m determined to keep it up.

So, to those who’ve been asking, I hope this answers your questions and to those who’ve been praying for me, thank you so very much! I’m still hanging on to the hem of his garment and asking for a miracle!

What’s in your sponge?

What does a dog do as soon as it comes out of the water? Why, it shakes, of course! It can’t help itself and if you happen to be standing nearby, you share in the blessing!

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I was reminded of that when I read my devotions this morning.

“Let’s say you have a bucket full of water and you soak a sponge in it. Later on you take the sponge, and in a room full of people, you swing the sponge around. What would the people be splashed with? The answer is obvious, water. What if the bucket is filled with milk, oil or soda pop? The people will be splashed with the substance in the bucket that saturated the sponge.”

The writer, Christian Sarmiento, went on to point out the spiritual application or principle behind his illustration. When life squeezes us or shakes us around, we, like the wet dog, will drench the people around us with whatever it is that we are filled with whether it be joy or bitterness, love or hate, acceptance or irritation.

Life isn’t easy and it can fill our sponges with all sorts of disagreeable things if we allow it to. I could choose to dwell on the hurts of the past or the unknowns of the future and spread gloom wherever I go or I can pray for grace and fill my sponge with hope.

“The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-contol.”  Galatians 5:22-23

These are the things that I want in my sponge! What’s in your sponge today?

Speaking Canadian, eh?

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Am I wearing a tuque or a knit cap? That depends on what part of the English-speaking world you’re from. Here in Canada, it’s called a tuque which rhymes with duke. Though used by 100% of Canadians, I was surprised to learn that the word is almost unheard of beyond our borders.

A recent article in the Edmonton Journal listed several other words that are used almost exclusively in Canada or that have different meanings here than elsewhere. While English speakers in most of the world, use parking garage or parking deck to describe a multi-level concrete parking structure, here in Canada, we park our vehicles in a parkade. At the beginning of each school year, we buy our children a new package of pencil crayons but in the US, they’re called colored pencils and the British call them colouring pencils. On hot summer days, we give our children freezies, popsicle like treats that come in plastic sleeves. Elsewhere, these are known by a variety of other names including ice pop and freezer pop. Adults might prefer a treat from a mickey, the term Canadians use to describe a 375 mL bottle of liquor. Using that word could get us into trouble in the US, however, where it’s slang for a date rape drug!

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If you’re as old as I am, you probably recognize the famous photo from the Beatles’ Abbey Road album cover. In Canada, we’d say that George, Paul, Ringo and John are in a crosswalk. It wasn’t until I taught English in Japan that I discovered that English speakers in some parts of the world refer to it as a zebra crossing!

Even within our borders or within families, we sometimes have difficulty agreeing on which words to use. Instead of using pencil crayons, children often colour with felt-tipped pens. In our family, we always referred to them as markers but my daughter-in-law insists that they should be called felts. According to my father, we use serviettes at the table but the rest of us call them napkins. In my parents’ livingroom, we sat on the chesterfield but in our house, we call it the couch. Others call the same piece of furniture a sofa. What an interesting and confusing language English is!

The dinner/supper conundrum is the one that has confused me the most. I think it’s a regional thing. Growing up on the BC coast, we ate lunch at noon. Supper and dinner were interchangeable words used to describe the main meal which was usually eaten around 6:00 pm. When I settled on the prairie, however, I found that people here often refer to the noon meal as dinner. If we’re invited to someone’s home for dinner, I’ve learned to ask what time they’d like us to come. Their answer tells me which meal they’re referring to! If I’m issuing the invitation, I’m careful not to use the word dinner at all. Everyone understands lunch and supper but dinner is just too confusing!

As Canadians, we’re probably best known for our use of the little word eh? which we tack onto the end of statements to turn them into questions as in “It’s sure been a cold winter, eh?” We do it without even thinking about it and it’s this unique Canadianism that often identifies us as being from north of the border when we travel in the US.

Following Augustine has readers from all over the English-speaking world. I’d love to know where you’re from and what words and phrases are unique to your part of the world. Please leave a comment!

Who’s your googleganger?

Googleganger!

Isn’t that an awesome word? Okay, I admit it; I’m a word nerd, but you’ve just got to love the sound of that one!

As part of getting back on track, I’ve walked 8.5 miles (almost 14 km) on the treadmill over the past nine days. In addition to enjoying scenic pathways in Hawaii, Egypt and along Italy’s Amalfi coast via virtual walk DVDs, I’ve also gone back to watching my video course, The Secret Life of Words: English Words and Their Origins. That’s where I came across the word, googleganger.

Voted the 2007 Most Creative Word of the Year by the American Dialect Society, (yes, there are organizations for word nerds like me!) a googleganger is a person with your name who shows up when you Google yourself. It’s an adaptation of the word, doppelganger, meaning a ghostly double of a living person or someone who looks eerily like you but isn’t a twin.

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Believe it or not, I don’t have a googleganger. There are no other Elaine DeBocks to be found on the internet! The closest is Lisa Elaine Debock, a lawyer in New York state.

Most of the DeBocks in North America are descendants of Joseph Leopold DeBock who left his homeland, Belgium, as a young man of 25 and settled in the United States in 1870. Some branches of the family have since dropped the capital B so it’s possible that Lisa Elaine is a distant relative.

If I really want a googleganger, however, I can find plenty of them by searching my maiden name which is much more common. The best known among those is a 1950s film star!

So, who is your googleganger? You have Googled your name haven’t you?