Once a Mom…

When do you stop being a Mom? Is it when they graduate high school? when they leave home? when they marry? or is it when they have children of their own? No, the answer is never! You never stop being a Mom!

I still remember getting up at 2:00 a.m. and then again at 6:00 to feed the baby. Tired as I was, I enjoyed those peaceful moments; just the baby and I. There was no baby to feed last night though. Instead, I was up periodically checking Facebook to find out the latest news on our three-year-old granddaughter who was rushed to Children’s Hospital in Calgary late yesterday afternoon suffering from a severe asthma attack, her third in the past five months.

When Jami arrived at emergency, there was no long wait. She was rushed into trauma and immediately swarmed by doctors and nurses who swiftly attached her to various monitors and tubes. At that point, she was virtually unable to breathe! The next few hours were scary ones! Every time the oxygen was removed or she pulled it off, her levels plummeted. At one point, she was being given a bronchodilator (rescue medication) every 30 minutes. Normal use would be every 4 to 6 hours! That caused her poor little heart to work overtime, adding to her distress.

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Picture 4Poor pregnant Mommy was wearing out fast and I wanted nothing more than to jump in the car and head for Calgary. Unfortunately, we couldn’t do that. The nurse was coming from Red Deer this morning to give me my regular Sandostatin injection and there are a number of other appointments and meetings this week that we really need to be here for. Fortunately, Melaina did what Moms do. She hung in there and stayed by her little princess’ side all night long. At one point, they were talking about moving Jami to ICU but things began to turn around after she was given an IV steroid.

Now, 24 hours after heading for the hospital, Jami is off oxygen and rebounding as children so often do. She’s finally being moved out of ER to a regular ward. Hopefully both she and her Mom can get some rest while they’re there. Even when she’s discharged, the battle won’t be over. The struggle to find the right combination of medications to keep this from happening again will go on and sadly, there may be more nights like this one.

Yes, I remember those quiet night time feedings but asthma runs in the family and I also remember the nights when we were up with Jami’s Uncle Matt watching his poor little chest pop in and out as he battled for every breath. It’s hard to watch your children suffer and it doesn’t get any easier when they have children of their own!

Once a mother, always a mother!

How am I doing?

“How are you doing?”

I’m asked the question often and I really don’t know how to answer! The short answer is, “I’m feeling fine and able to live a normal life right now and for that I’m very thankful!”

I know there are some of you, however, who want the long answer. Other than a sensation in the left side of my face that doesn’t feel quite right, I really am feeling fine but I have no idea what’s happening on the inside. Not knowing whether the cancer is growing and spreading or if it’s been arrested by the treatment that I had in November is somewhat disconcerting but it’s the growth in my face that concerns me the most because we know that it wasn’t receptive to the mIBG.

I’ll be back in Edmonton on January 31 for more tests and another treatment so I hope to have more answers after that. Because I tolerated the last treatment so well, I don’t even have to stay in the lead lined room this time! Instead, I’ll be receiving my treatment as an outpatient. I’d feel more confident if I knew that it was going to be lutetium instead of mIBG though. That was the original plan but the government hasn’t given final approval to the clinical trial yet. Since I don’t know where the hold up is, I’ve written to both my MP and my MLA asking them to look into the matter. As I pointed out to them, it may only be paperwork to those who are dealing with it at the government level but it’s a matter of life and death to people like me! Both their offices immediately forwarded my concern to their respective health departments but I’ve heard nothing more!

In the meantime, I’m grateful that I can live a very normal life. With the exception of blood tests at the nearby hospital every second Friday and a Sandostatin injection here at home every 28 days, my schedule is much the same as it’s always been. I’ve suffered absolutely no ill effects from either the mIBG or the Sandostatin, my energy and appetite are unaffected and I’m sleeping well. I do suffer from bouts of anxiety but thankfully, they haven’t been too frequent. My biggest regret is not being able to take a role in our drama club’s upcoming production of Agatha Christie’s murder mystery, And Then There Were None, because the upcoming treatment will render me too radioactive to be in close contact with other people for the final two weeks of rehearsal.

I often find January a long and dull month but getting back on track physically has helped a lot. Over the past three weeks, I’ve walked 12 miles (almost 20 km) on the treadmill and since the weather has been unseasonably warm, we’ve also done some walking outside. With all the freezing and thawing, however, it’s pretty treacherous out there right now and the treadmill is a lot safer. I’m also back to three full weight lifting sets three times a week. After almost a year long hiatus, I started with what seemed like ridiculously small weights but I’ve already started increasing them. Sadly, there’s still a bulge around my middle and the best I can say for my weight is that it hasn’t continued to climb but I know that the exercise is contributing to my overall feeling of well-being and I’m determined to keep it up.

So, to those who’ve been asking, I hope this answers your questions and to those who’ve been praying for me, thank you so very much! I’m still hanging on to the hem of his garment and asking for a miracle!

What’s in your sponge?

What does a dog do as soon as it comes out of the water? Why, it shakes, of course! It can’t help itself and if you happen to be standing nearby, you share in the blessing!

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I was reminded of that when I read my devotions this morning.

“Let’s say you have a bucket full of water and you soak a sponge in it. Later on you take the sponge, and in a room full of people, you swing the sponge around. What would the people be splashed with? The answer is obvious, water. What if the bucket is filled with milk, oil or soda pop? The people will be splashed with the substance in the bucket that saturated the sponge.”

The writer, Christian Sarmiento, went on to point out the spiritual application or principle behind his illustration. When life squeezes us or shakes us around, we, like the wet dog, will drench the people around us with whatever it is that we are filled with whether it be joy or bitterness, love or hate, acceptance or irritation.

Life isn’t easy and it can fill our sponges with all sorts of disagreeable things if we allow it to. I could choose to dwell on the hurts of the past or the unknowns of the future and spread gloom wherever I go or I can pray for grace and fill my sponge with hope.

“The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-contol.”  Galatians 5:22-23

These are the things that I want in my sponge! What’s in your sponge today?

Speaking Canadian, eh?

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Am I wearing a tuque or a knit cap? That depends on what part of the English-speaking world you’re from. Here in Canada, it’s called a tuque which rhymes with duke. Though used by 100% of Canadians, I was surprised to learn that the word is almost unheard of beyond our borders.

A recent article in the Edmonton Journal listed several other words that are used almost exclusively in Canada or that have different meanings here than elsewhere. While English speakers in most of the world, use parking garage or parking deck to describe a multi-level concrete parking structure, here in Canada, we park our vehicles in a parkade. At the beginning of each school year, we buy our children a new package of pencil crayons but in the US, they’re called colored pencils and the British call them colouring pencils. On hot summer days, we give our children freezies, popsicle like treats that come in plastic sleeves. Elsewhere, these are known by a variety of other names including ice pop and freezer pop. Adults might prefer a treat from a mickey, the term Canadians use to describe a 375 mL bottle of liquor. Using that word could get us into trouble in the US, however, where it’s slang for a date rape drug!

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If you’re as old as I am, you probably recognize the famous photo from the Beatles’ Abbey Road album cover. In Canada, we’d say that George, Paul, Ringo and John are in a crosswalk. It wasn’t until I taught English in Japan that I discovered that English speakers in some parts of the world refer to it as a zebra crossing!

Even within our borders or within families, we sometimes have difficulty agreeing on which words to use. Instead of using pencil crayons, children often colour with felt-tipped pens. In our family, we always referred to them as markers but my daughter-in-law insists that they should be called felts. According to my father, we use serviettes at the table but the rest of us call them napkins. In my parents’ livingroom, we sat on the chesterfield but in our house, we call it the couch. Others call the same piece of furniture a sofa. What an interesting and confusing language English is!

The dinner/supper conundrum is the one that has confused me the most. I think it’s a regional thing. Growing up on the BC coast, we ate lunch at noon. Supper and dinner were interchangeable words used to describe the main meal which was usually eaten around 6:00 pm. When I settled on the prairie, however, I found that people here often refer to the noon meal as dinner. If we’re invited to someone’s home for dinner, I’ve learned to ask what time they’d like us to come. Their answer tells me which meal they’re referring to! If I’m issuing the invitation, I’m careful not to use the word dinner at all. Everyone understands lunch and supper but dinner is just too confusing!

As Canadians, we’re probably best known for our use of the little word eh? which we tack onto the end of statements to turn them into questions as in “It’s sure been a cold winter, eh?” We do it without even thinking about it and it’s this unique Canadianism that often identifies us as being from north of the border when we travel in the US.

Following Augustine has readers from all over the English-speaking world. I’d love to know where you’re from and what words and phrases are unique to your part of the world. Please leave a comment!

Who’s your googleganger?

Googleganger!

Isn’t that an awesome word? Okay, I admit it; I’m a word nerd, but you’ve just got to love the sound of that one!

As part of getting back on track, I’ve walked 8.5 miles (almost 14 km) on the treadmill over the past nine days. In addition to enjoying scenic pathways in Hawaii, Egypt and along Italy’s Amalfi coast via virtual walk DVDs, I’ve also gone back to watching my video course, The Secret Life of Words: English Words and Their Origins. That’s where I came across the word, googleganger.

Voted the 2007 Most Creative Word of the Year by the American Dialect Society, (yes, there are organizations for word nerds like me!) a googleganger is a person with your name who shows up when you Google yourself. It’s an adaptation of the word, doppelganger, meaning a ghostly double of a living person or someone who looks eerily like you but isn’t a twin.

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Believe it or not, I don’t have a googleganger. There are no other Elaine DeBocks to be found on the internet! The closest is Lisa Elaine Debock, a lawyer in New York state.

Most of the DeBocks in North America are descendants of Joseph Leopold DeBock who left his homeland, Belgium, as a young man of 25 and settled in the United States in 1870. Some branches of the family have since dropped the capital B so it’s possible that Lisa Elaine is a distant relative.

If I really want a googleganger, however, I can find plenty of them by searching my maiden name which is much more common. The best known among those is a 1950s film star!

So, who is your googleganger? You have Googled your name haven’t you?

Best things

One of the best things about Richard and I both being teachers was our two month summer vacations. When our children were young, we spent many of those summers on the road with our tent trailer in tow. I called it our gypsy wagon. Our kids have been to the northern tip of Newfoundland and seen the midnight sun in Inuvik, NWT. They’ve hiked a portion of the Chilkoot Trail out of Skagway, Alaska and under Utah’s hot desert sun. They’ve stood in an Anasazi cliff dwelling in southwestern Colorado and on the rim of the Grand Canyon. Melaina still has Michaela, the handmade doll she bought from a street vendor by that name in Tijuana, Mexico.

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Every night, as I tucked the children into their trailer beds and listened to their prayers, I asked each one “What was your best thing today?” Their answers often surprised me. We might have toured a historic site that day or viewed an amazing  natural phenomenon but a child’s answer was often something simple like the puppy they played with in the campground or roasting marshmallows over the fire.

Now grown with kids of their own, both Matthew and Melaina have introduced a similar practice into the daily lives of their own children. Every evening, as part of four-year-old Sam’s bedtime routine, Matt and Robin ask him what his best thing that day was. They record his answer in a little notebook and one of them draws a picture to go with it. It’s not about producing great works of art but rather, about remembering the moments that are important in the day to day life of their little boy. They plan to start a similar journal for Nate when he turns three next month. What treasures those little books will become down through the years.

At Melaina’s house, when the family gathers for supper, one of the children asks the other “What was your favourite today?” Soon everyone around the table is asked to share the best thing from their day. What a great way to teach children to show appreciation for the good things in their lives.

In addition to getting back into shape physically, I’ve decided that another step toward banishing my “why bother” attitude ought to be to begin looking for the best things in each of my own days. Even the most mundane or difficult days have blessings in them if we take the time to look for them.

Today was one of those days when it would have been easy to focus on the negative but choosing the best thing was easy. My best thing was arriving home safely after our drive to the city and back for a long awaited MRI on Richard’s shoulder. We expected winter driving conditions, of course, but we didn’t expect rain at -16ºC (3ºF) and we certainly didn’t expect the lunatic driver who flew out of a side road and spun out on the icy road right in front of us! Richard managed to swerve and avoid what could easily have been a deadly crash. I think there must have been angels watching over us! Come to think of it, maybe that was really the best thing.

Getting back on track

When I was diagnosed with cancer at the end of August, it would have been easy to fall into a deep pit of anger. After all, I don’t smoke, I only indulge in an occasional glass of wine, I’ve never even experimented with street drugs, I eat a healthy diet and I exercise regularly. I’ve taken excellent care of my body, so why cancer? Why me? There are no answers to those questions. I don’t think there’s anything more that I could have done to prevent such a catastrophic diagnosis, but life’s not fair and cancer is no respecter of persons.

Fortunately, I managed not to wallow in anger, but for awhile I definitely let a “why bother” attitude take hold. Why bother exercising? Why bother watching my weight? Why not eat whatever I want? After all, I have cancer. I deserve a treat, don’t I? Now, every time I look in the mirror, I see an unwelcome “why bother” bulge around my middle and every time I zip up my jeans, “why bother” gets in the way.

In spite of the delicious food, I actually lost a few pounds while we were in China.  The amount of walking and stair climbing that we did on a daily basis more than made up for the extra calories I consumed. I was surprised that I didn’t gain the weight back as soon as we got home and after being diagnosed with cancer, I actually began to worry about that. I knew that if I had to have surgery or if treatments caused me lose my appetite, I didn’t have any extra weight to spare. That made it easy to get lazy about exercising and to start indulging in fattening foods. I kept up my morning exercise routine but when winter arrived, I quit walking and the weights and the treadmill gathered dust in the basement. Suddenly my weight started to climb again and it didn’t stop! By early December I was seven pounds heavier than I’d been just three months earlier!

Seven pounds isn’t a lot but it’s five percent of my present body weight and on my slight frame, it shows. Also, I realized that if I kept gaining at that rate, I’d put on 28 pounds in just one year! There’s no way I wanted that to happen! It was definitely time to do something about the “why bother” attitude, but with Christmas goodies staring me in the face, I decided not to make any drastic changes until after the New Year.

Now, with Christmas behind us, most of the goodies eaten and the family gone, it’s time to get back on track! Today I bid “why bother” good bye, dug out my virtual walk DVDs and got back on the treadmill. I only walked 1.2 miles (just under 2 kilometres) but it’s a start and it felt good. Before we left for China, I didn’t have time to finish my video course, The Secret Life of Words: English Words and Their Origins so, when I’m not enjoying scenic pathways around the world via DVD, I’ll be watching lectures while I walk.

When the little ones were here for Christmas, we had to hide the free weights to keep them from dropping them on their toes but I’ll be digging those out again next week. It’s been almost a year since the last time I lifted so I’ll have to start small but that’s okay. Cancer may have slowed me down for awhile but it hasn’t stopped me yet!