Operation Parent Care

When I wondered at the end of a recent post what October would hold, I had no idea that we’d be spending much of it back in Vancouver!

We’ve lived for a long time with the knowledge that we might have to make a quick trip to the coast at any time if something happened to either of my elderly parents. That moment came when my father’s alarmingly large prostate caused a complete urinary blockage about three weeks ago. He also had a urinary infection. My sister, the doctor in the family, flew out first to provide immediate care but she wasn’t able to stay long term. We drove out arriving just a few hours before she had to leave for the airport to return to her family. Having the vehicle here has made it possible for us to ferry Dad to numerous medical appointments and procedures, some related to the prostate problem and some not.

It was with some trepidation that I took over from my sister knowing that in addition to cooking, grocery shopping, laundry and becoming primary caregiver for Mom, who’s in the late stages of Alzheimer’s disease, I’d also be responsible for caring for Dad’s medical needs. Before leaving home, we asked our church family and friends to pray and I have absolutely no doubt that they’ve been doing so. I’m absolutely certain that without those prayers, I would be completely unable to do all that I’ve had to do with any degree of patience or grace. Nothing in life really prepares you for having to clean your father’s catheter twice a day or help your mother change her soiled pants!

By Day 9 of Operation Parent Care, when Mom appeared to have developed a touch of diarrhea, I thought I might have reached the end of my rope. I didn’t know if I could handle another thing. That’s when something in the back of the toilet broke and we had a sudden flood! Water poured from the top of the tank like a mini Niagara. In minutes the bathroom was full of water and it was flowing out the door! Richard waded in, Dad ran (hobbled) off to find a pipe wrench and I called the apartment emergency number. Within minutes a maintenance man arrived at the door like a rescuing angel and in no time at all a powerful shop vac had sucked up most of the water and the toilet’s inner workings had been completely replaced. What could I do but laugh? The tension of the day had definitely been broken and on we went, tiptoeing over dampened carpet for the next 24 hours or so.

Today is Day 12. At this point, we have no idea how long we’ll be here. We do know that Dad requires surgery and that he’ll be catheterized until that takes place. It wasn’t at all comforting to have the specialist assure us that surgery could probably be booked for sometime before Christmas!

Fortunately, Dad’s infection has cleared and he has regained much of his strength. I’m teaching him to care for his own catheter and he’s beginning help with Mom’s care again. Sadly, her condition has deteriorated significantly since we were here just three months ago. My siblings and I are of the opinion that she needs a level of care that can’t really be provided at home, especially by a frail 89-year-old, but I’m not sure how much success we’ll have trying to convince him of that. I hate the idea of leaving them on their own again but what choice do we have. We’ll definitely ensure that someone is here to help when he undergoes surgery but I can’t stay here forever.

Blessed to be 60!

Well, the big day came and went and I don’t feel any different! I’m learning to say “I’m 60” and, just one day into the year, I’m already liking it better than being 59. The whole time I was 59, I dreaded turning 60 but now I realize that it’s just another decade and another new beginning.

Besides, being 60 gives me something to joke about. As friends gathered last evening for what I dubbed my “coming of age girlfriend party” I told them that now that I’m a little old lady, they’d have to  humour me and humour me they did. When I invited them, I told them that if the weather cooperated we’d be celebrating around the fire pit in my back yard. Hearty Albertans that they are, even though the temperature was only 4°C (37°F), they all arrived bundled up and ready for an outdoor party!

Apparently, there are lots of benefits to being 60. I’ve already been able to take advantage of a few discounts available to the over 55 crowd but just think of all the senior discounts I’ll qualify for now!

One of the cards that I received last night says “What kind of gifts does God give for a 60th birthday?” and goes on to list them… Grace, purpose, generations, perspective, contentment, relationships, values, memories. To some, like grace and purpose, I say I hope so and to others, like generations and memories, I say AMEN!

One of the best things about being older is grandchildren and the wonderful memories we make together. I was delighted to receive video messages via email from both sets of grandchildren yesterday and I also enjoyed a wonderful Skype visit with two of our Japanese “grandchildren” and their parents. I am truly blessed!

I also learned that 60 is definitely not too old to try something new. When I stopped by the liquor store a couple of days ago to pick up some wine for the party, I couldn’t resist this. Adult Chocolate Milk made with Premium Red Wine, boasts the label. Turning the bottle over, I read “This ultimate chocolate lover’s wine is a marriage of rich velvety chocolate, the freshest of milk, and premium red wine. This masterfully crafted artisanal concoction can be served on the rocks, like a traditional wine, or used as a mixer in many cocktails. Uptown Girl, a unique blend truly like no other.” It practically followed me home! Sipped on the rocks beside a roaring fire, it was definitely a winner.

My girlfriends obviously know me well. One wrote in her card “One thing I know for sure ~ you like tea ~ you love to read ~ and I’m positive… you love chocolate!” Though the invitation said no gifts, she brought me tea bags, a beautiful bookmark and chocolate covered almonds. Another friend brought me this, a chocolate bouquet made of 60 little chocolate treats! Did I mention how blessed I am?

Titus 2:3-5 says “Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.” When I received my Bible as a Christmas gift in 1982, I was just 30 years old, a young wife and mother. I highlighted the latter portion of that passage. As years went by, however, the time came when I began to realize that it was the beginning portion that now applied to me. Eventually, I somewhat reluctantly highlighted that part of the passage with a different colour.

As we sat around the fire last night, I gave my girlfriends (all younger than I am) one piece of advice. Don’t do as I did and spend your 59th year worrying about turning 60, I told them. I am blessed to have the privilege and responsibility of going before them and I hope that I am setting a godly example but I also want to show them that aging isn’t such a bad thing.

Thinking about age all the time is the biggest prison women can make for themselves.”  Miuccia Prada

Birthday roses from my hubby!

Banned Books Week

It seems that there is a day, a week or a month for almost everything these days. October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month in Canada and the US. October 1 was International Day of Older Persons as well as World Vegetarian Day. Tomorrow is World Teachers’ Day. Though some of these are well publicized, most come and go unnoticed by the majority of us. I wouldn’t have known that this was Banned Books Week had my online friend, Sarah, who is both a librarian and originator of the Awesomeday movement, not mentioned it on Facebook today.

As an avid reader, that definitely caught my attention and I began to do a bit of digging. I was absolutely astonished at what I discovered! Though the practice of governments banning books in Canada and the United States is a thing of the past and there are no books currently banned by either country, specific titles are frequently challenged and sometimes banned by individual school jurisdictions and public libraries.

I was flabbergasted by the books that have been challenged and in some cases, banned. Here are just a few that are considered controversial and are often banned in American schools:

Pulitzer Prize winning To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee which addresses issues of class,  courage, compassion and gender roles in the American South during the Great Depression has been challenged over the years for its use of profanity and racial slurs. Thankfully, not everyone agrees. In fact, in 2006, British librarians ranked the book ahead of the Bible as one “every adult should read before they die”.

Mark Twain’s Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, another American classic, is one of the most frequently banned books in American schools because Twain used the word “nigger” throughout. Surely teachers of American literature can be trusted to explain the reason behind the word; that Twain was trying to reveal the plight of the slave in America and that he was using the vernacular of the time.

Lord of the Flies by Nobel Prize winning author, William Golding, tells the story of a group of British schoolboys stranded on an uninhabited island who try to govern themselves with disastrous results. In 2005, the novel was chosen by Time magazine as one of the 100 best English language novels published between 1923 and 2005 but it is often criticized and in many cases banned from schools because of its use of profanity, sexuality, racial slurs and violence. It is perhaps the book I remember most vividly from high school English class more than 40 years ago. It’s not a pleasant read but do we learn and grow if we read nothing but entertaining fluff?

The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank, the ever-hopeful true story of a young teenager who eventually died in the Holocaust has been banned for being “too depressing”. Unbelievable!

I was perhaps most shocked to find Katherine Paterson’s novel, Bridge to Terabithia, on several lists of most commonly challenged and banned books! As a teacher, I had absolutely no qualms about reading this beautiful book about two lonely children who create a magical forest kingdom to my upper elementary school students year after year. The inspiration for the book, in which one of the main characters dies, came from a tragic event in the author’s own experience when a close friend of her son’s was struck by lightning and died. Death is a reality, even for children, and this book handles it exquisitely.

I could go on and on about books that have been banned from schools but I literally had to laugh out loud over a few of the children’s books that have at one time or another been challenged or banned from public libraries. Librarians must roll their eyes at some of the criticisms parents bring forth!

Believe it or not, in at least one location, the first Where’s Waldo book was banned because in one of the drawings a beach is shown where a woman lying on the sand has part of a breast exposed! This in a nation where pornographic magazines are readily available on news stands! Imagine someone poring over the thousands and thousands of tiny characters featured in a Waldo book and singling out this one “offensive” character! I would have needed a magnifying glass to see her!

Then there’s I Have to Go! by beloved children’s writer, Robert Munsch. What parent hasn’t bundled a tiny tot into a snowsuit or a car seat with a five point harness only to have them announce almost immediately, “I have to go PEE!” If that’s offensive, we might as well ban Thomas’ Snowsuit too. After all, aren’t the teacher and the principal cross-dressers?

I can’t even begin to imagine why anyone would object to Al Perkin’s Hand, Hand, Fingers, Thumb! The story line is a little thin (okay, non-existent) but young children love the madcap band of dancing, prancing monkeys and the book’s rhythmic cadence. I think I might still have a copy of it in the bookshelf in the basement.

Certainly it is the responsibility of every parent to be aware of what their children are reading and in some cases, even to limit those choices. There are books that I’d rather not see on a library shelf and books that I choose not to read. There are books that probably aren’t worth the paper they’re printed on or the time and brain cells required to read them but, as honorary chairman of this year’s Banned Book Week, Bill Moyers, has been quoted as saying, “censorship is an enemy of the truth”. The more widely read we are, the better we will know and understand the world we live in and the people we share this planet with.

Hello October!

October has long been one of my favourite times of year. It’s a bittersweet in-between time; summer is over but winter hasn’t arrived yet.

In my mind, October is golden. We don’t see the reds and oranges that eastern Canada is famous for at this time of year but we have gold; golden fields at rest after harvest and this outside my front window!

Sadly, in no time at all it will look like this, taken during the first week of November last year.

And that’s on one of its best days when it was dressed in hoar frost and the sun was shining on it. No, I’m definitely not a fan of winter but that’s one of the things that makes October so special. Each golden moment is precious because we know it won’t last.

Early October is a time of celebration at our house with both our wedding anniversary and my birthday falling during the first week. Canadian Thanksgiving, celebrated on the first Monday of October, follows hard on their heels.

Later in the month there’s another date that’s important to me. It was 37 years ago in mid October when I surrendered the life that I’d already screwed up royally to the awesome Creator of the universe who had a purpose and a plan for my life (Jeremiah 29:11) and what a difference that made!

As winter approaches, some may consider October a time to hunker down close to home but though days are shorter now and nights are cooler, Canadian poet William Carman Bliss expressed the feeling of my heart when he penned

There is something in October sets the gypsy blood astir,
We must rise and follow her;
When from every hill of flame,
She calls and calls each vagabond by name.

Hello, October! I wonder what you have in store for this gypsy girl this year?