Month: September 2011

What can I say?

/ edebock / 8 Comments

My heart is heavy today.

In July of 1982, our four-year-old daughter was diagnosed with leukemia. Initially, she responded well to the treatments and the disease was soon in remission. It didn’t last. On Oct. 5, my 30th birthday, we were told that she had relapsed. That led to an eight week stay in the children’s cancer ward at the University Hospital in Edmonton. Shortly after we arrived, I met another young couple from Sedgewick in the hospital corridor. Robie was a former student of mine and I knew her husband, Perry, vaguely. They were carrying their infant son, Brett, who was covered in bruises, a common symptom of leukemia. I still remember the horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach when I realized that another child from our tiny town was suffering from the same terrible disease.

The next year was a long and difficult one for both our families. Early in June, Robie and Perry lost their beloved Brett just short of his second birthday. Our Janina followed three months later. Richard and I had three-year-old, Matthew, and our brand new daughter, Melaina, to keep us from completely falling to pieces but Robie and Perry’s arms were empty.

The following year joy revisited both families. On July 10, the day that would have been Janina’s sixth birthday, Robie gave birth to Brendyn Brett and exactly two weeks later, we were blessed by the birth of our adopted son, Nathan. Our boys were dedicated to the Lord in the same Sunday morning service with our pastor and Robie’s father, a retired United Church minister, both participating in the ceremony. Over the next few years, two more sons were added to Robie and Perry’s family. As time went by, our paths went in different directions and we didn’t maintain a close relationship but the bond of common loss remained.

Late the night before last, less than three weeks after the birth of his first child, Greyson Brett, 27-year-old Brendyn died in a tragic accident.

What can I say?

Losing a child is every parent’s worse nightmare. Losing a second one, unimaginable. As a child, our Matthew was severely asthmatic and medications weren’t what they are today. In the early days after his sister’s death, he was often very sick. I remember standing at his sister’s graveside railing at God and pleading that I would not have to put another of my children in the ground. I cannot begin to imagine the anguish that Robie and Perry are experiencing today.

What can I say? 

Today my Facebook status says “I can’t explain why God lets bad things happen but when hearts are hurting and life doesn’t make any sense, I still believe that there’s no road too difficult when we walk by His side.”

What more can I possibly say?

Lonely lament of a gamer’s wife

/ edebock / 4 Comments

There’s a new breed of women these days that didn’t exist when I was growing up. We’re the gamer’s wives, women married to men who spend countless hours playing video or online games. Most gamer’s wives are younger than I am. Some, like our daughter Melaina, married their husbands knowing that they would be sharing them with their games. A few even play the games themselves.

Richard used to make disparaging remarks about men who wasted hours on end playing games. Then he joined their ranks. Most men get hooked on MMORPGs, massively multiplayer online role-playing games like World of Warcraft, but Richard’s game of choice is Farmville, a social networking game favoured by women in their forties! When he started playing 20 months ago, I wasn’t surprised that it quickly consumed him. That’s the kind of person he is. When he gets into something, he’s in 110%. I am surprised, however, that it’s lasted this long. I guess that’s because I just don’t see the game’s appeal. From what I’ve observed, it looks about as engaging as watching paint dry or grass grow!

I’m glad this latest obsession of Richard’s didn’t start until after our kids were grown. The dad they grew up with started every morning reading his Bible. Now, he turns on his computer the minute he crawls out of bed and spends an hour exchanging virtual gifts with total strangers before breakfast. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that he neglects his spiritual life but it does irk me that he who claimed for many years that first thing in the morning was the best time for personal devotions, now gives that time to Farmville!

Richard doesn’t like me using words like obsession or addiction to describe his passion for Farmville but I don’t know how else to describe it and there are certainly plenty of self-described Farmville addicts out there who don’t play anymore than he does. Richard has offered to quit playing because he knows it bugs me but most of the time, I don’t actually object to him playing the game. After all, it’s pretty harmless and there are a lot worse things he could be doing but I do object to the nine or ten hour days when he only emerges from the computer room when he’s called to the table for a meal. The blogger who calls herself the gamer’s wife, who is also a certified counsellor, agrees that this is unacceptable. Fortunately, there aren’t too many days like that at our house.

I also object to the fact that when he’s absorbed in his game, he’s oblivious to whatever else might be going on. When I go into his ‘cave’ to tell him something that I think is interesting or important, I’m often met with silence or a blank look that tells me that he hasn’t heard a word I said. He didn’t even respond when I mentioned that a growing issue in divorce and estate settlements is who gets the deceased person’s online assets. I think he already knew that I’d have absolutely no interest in inheriting his pink cows!

At first, I also resented the fact that our schedule had to accommodate him being home at the right time to harvest his virtual crops. I didn’t think that that was part of our retirement plan! Apparently, either he’s much better at planning these days or that isn’t as big a part of the game anymore as we haven’t had to come home on time to harvest in a long time. I suspect it’s the latter as I know that the game has grown to include much more than simply planting and harvesting. I noticed this morning, that he even has what appears to be a marina and a lighthouse now. They sure don’t have those on the real farms around here! I’m also thinking that it’s too bad that I can’t visit his ‘farm’. I’m pretty sure it also has a spa and after spending so many hours on an actual combine over the past several days, I could sure use a deep muscle massage!

Oh well, out on the real farm Richard finished swathing today but I have many days of combining left. Now he’ll have plenty of time to overdose on Farmville while I’m not here to be bothered by it!

Turn left at the three legged dog

/ edebock / 5 Comments

I know I have a street address, I just don’t know for sure what it is! I always thought I lived on Meadowlark Crescent and according to the sign at the end of the street, I do but Google calls it Meadowlark Drive. It really doesn’t matter though. There’s only one Meadowlark in town and no one here uses street addresses anyway.

For three years, early in our marriage, we owned the old Hooper house. We’d never met the Hoopers. They were long before our time but the name remained and that’s all the address we needed. After that, we lived next door to the solar house. There was only one of those in town so that was easy and now, we live across the street from the haunted house; the monstrosity that’s been sitting untouched and unfinished for almost three years. Everyone knows where that is.

While we were in Japan for a year, new people moved into the house next door. They were new to town and when they explained where they lived, people would often say “Oh, you live next to DeBock’s house.” When we came home and introduced ourselves, Dave began to laugh. For months he’d been trying to figure out why everyone called it “the box house”!

The box house?

We depend on landmarks to find our way around the countryside too. A couple of years ago, road signs sprung up at every single corner in the county; hundreds of signs that most of us don’t pay any attention to! This year the county added numbered address signs at the end of every driveway. I have a hard time remembering that Range Roads go north south and Township Roads go east west let alone knowing what any of the numbers mean. The signs are really only there to improve emergency services. Directions are still given in terms like “go 3 miles north, then half a mile west” or “it’s the third house on the right, just past the row of big trees”. The directions in my head to the fields that I’ve been combining this week include “turn right at the old abandoned house in the trees, turn left at the three legged dog”! I haven’t actually seen the dog for a couple of years but I still remember the corner where it used to run out and bark at the vehicle!

He talks!

/ edebock / 1 Comment

It’s always interesting to see what search terms lead people to my blog. Lately, severe phonological disorder has been a popular one reminding me that I ought to write another update on our grandson, Drew. He has come such a long way in the eight and a half months since his condition was diagnosed. In fact, at his last speech assessment, he was upgraded from severe to moderate! The therapist even went so far as to say that he’s on the mild end of moderate now.

When Drew was here a couple of weeks ago, it was wonderful to hear him speaking in complete sentences. His pronunciation isn’t perfect yet but he’s much easier to understand than he was just a few months ago and it’s wonderful to be able to carry on a conversation with him. At times, when his mouth can’t keep up with his thoughts, words are dropped and replaced with a “hm” sound. Apparently this is fairly normal for children who’ve been in speech therapy though so we’re not too worried about it. He will likely have another round of therapy sometime this fall or winter which should help deal with some of these residual problems.

Knock knock jokes have become a recent favourite of Drew’s. In typical three year old fashion, he doesn’t quite get how the jokes are supposed to work but he loves them anyway. Here’s an example: “Knock knock” “Who’s there?” “Drew Bug! Blah blah!” followed by hysterical laughing! How could you not laugh with him?

Drew riding "duper, duper fast yellow bike"

At sixteen months, Drew’s little sister, Jami-Lee, is becoming quite a chatterbox. While it’s mostly babbling at this point, she’s coming out with more and more recognizable words and it won’t be long before she’s carrying on conversations with big brother “Do”.

Finding beauty close to home

/ edebock / 4 Comments

When we’re on vacation or far from home, we seek out interesting or unique places to visit and things to do but we sometimes miss out on the gems that are closest to home. Until today, we had never been to the Devonian Botanic Garden just two hours away.

After taking some friends to the Edmonton International Airport to catch a flight, we spent most of the afternoon exploring the nearby garden. I lost my pedometer before we got there 😦 so I have no idea how far we walked but my feet are telling me that they had a good workout! With 80 acres of display gardens and another 110 acres of natural areas and ecological preserves, there were lots of paths to follow and areas to explore!

It was the Kurimoto Japanese Garden that I most wanted to see. During our year in Japan, I fell in love with its beautiful strolling gardens. In fact, I’ve often teased Richard, telling him that we should turn our backyard into a Japanese garden. He just laughs and I doubt that it will actually ever happen but I was curious to see how this style of garden could be replicated in our climate, so different from Japan’s. I wasn’t disappointed. With its meandering paths, reflecting pond, stone lanterns, pagoda and bridges it definitely captured the tranquility and the simple beauty of this unique garden style.

After exploring the Japanese garden, we moved on to the indoor displays. The tropical butterfly greenhouse was my favourite. It was fun picking out plants that we’d become familiar with during our recent stay on Saipan.

Moving back outdoors into the bright September sunshine, we set off to explore the rest of the outdoor displays. Though it’s late in the season and many plants are no longer in bloom, there were still lots of splashes of colour to enjoy.

  

After wandering through the various displays of annuals and perennials, the herb gardens, the native peoples’ garden, the alpine garden and many more, we returned for a final stroll around the Japanese garden before heading for home. After all, who knows how long it might be before I visit another one.

 

A quieter way of living

/ edebock / Leave a comment

Friends from the city came out to spend the long weekend with us. Every once in awhile, they like to leave the noise and pressures of their busy city lives behind and relax in the quiet solitude that rural living offers. Late Saturday afternoon after sitting around and visiting for several hours, we decided to go for a walk. Supper was delayed as we ended up walking out to the lake north of town and exploring the newly upgraded nature trail that runs along it’s edge. That evening, our next door neighbours joined us as we relaxed by our backyard firepit and the city dwellers exclaimed over the myriad of stars stretched across the night sky above us.

Yesterday took us out into the wide open spaces again as we fulfilled one of my long time desires. Two of the fields that Richard and I farm sit at the top of a bluff with an amazing view. Every spring and fall as I’ve come to the edge of those fields and enjoyed the vista spread out below, I’ve dreamed of hiking up from the bottom. After spending the morning in church and returning home for lunch, we set off to do just that. It turned out to be a much easier hike than we anticipated.

As we walked across the bottom pastureland and made our way up the hillside, what looked like nothing more than grass from the distance became a wide variety of plants including low lying junipers, colourful wildflowers and even tiny cactus. A deer bounded away as we came close and we saw the remains of a couple of others who didn’t make it through the harsh winter, their bones picked clean by hungry predators.

I love cities. I spent my teenage years in Vancouver and went to university in Calgary. I’ve walked the streets of Toronto, Montreal, Tokyo, Seoul and Hong Kong but I also love coming home to the wide open spaces and a quieter way of living. As our friends go home today, I hope they’ve been refreshed.